Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anyone Have an Ex Who Is Stalking?
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My divorce was final September 2012. I returned to MY house now. So many horrible things happened. I cannot prove the ex did it but can't believe all coincidences or mistakes (I placed a small list below). After a year I sold & moved. Did anyone else go through any kind of stalking and did it look like these things? If so, how did you handle and why do you think they do it if they are now with someone else? Appreciate input.

-forwarded my mail 4X's
-changed address on joint account after divorce
-changed mailing address on my credit card
-changed my electric bill account mailing address
-single meetup groups calling my cell phone saying I signed up when I did not.
-He gives out my phone number as his
-He gives out my email address as his to women, stores, etc.
-my bank account gets a call I am deceased and my account put on hold
-horse being locked out in back pasture
-items stolen from yard
-shed broken into and gasoline poured outside the door
-barn lights & outside water turned on
-no2 one year later he's giving out my address as his to dr's, tatoo parlors
-tells his creditors of a new address for him--my old employer's address!

The list goes on--this just a sample.
Does this sound like him doing it or just coincidence & if him WHY WHY WhY?


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmm, could it possibly be any of his other women? I mean, maybe one has decided to "get even" with you or something crazy. I think I'd document all this and put up cameras and motion sensor lights to catch him/her.
You NEED to get a restraining order, pronto!
He or she sounds dangerous and may (most likely) escalate the behavior!


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jun 2007
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am very surprised any bank would put your account on hold without being presented with a death certificate. And if he or anyone else produced a phony one they can be charged possibly with fraud charges. Also, the bank could check their surveillance tapes for the date your account was put on hold and they can see who did it. I doubt that could be done over the phone.

Messing with your credit card information is an issue as well. If it is only in your name, no one but you can make a change usually. I know when I've had an issue I get asked security questions. He can ruin your credit with this crap.

It has to be him because I find it doubtful any of the other women would know who your old employer was, much less their address.

As for your property, I agree that you need security cameras. It's the only way you'll catch him, and if he's stealing stuff, no matter how small it is, you can have him arrested.


Posts: 389 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the suggestions. I got so tired of it I sold the house. It broke my heart. Two banks were called & policy is if the person has your SS# they will put a freeze on account until they receive death cert & will. So I had to go get a police report to prove still alive. One of them tapped the phone call but even at the urging of police & prosecutor refused to allow me to hear it. I would need to get a supeana. Not sure if some of emails from OP's he is seeing now but his sister and daughter had done nasty things to me while I was still married. But now I am really scared because I found out ex's 1st wife just died. Afraid I may start going through this again. Hoping that now returned to maiden name it might help and that I moved and shut down email accounts & phones. I was hoping someone else might have encountered this and give me insight


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had a couple of things happen that I know X did, and lots of other things happen that there's no proof of him doing.

I don't know of much to add to the advice here, but I'd document it all as best you can. Keep a log with all the details. Report things to the police as they happen, if they warrant it. Like the gasoline being spilled? That's a biggy! Messing with your accounts? More biggies. Just be very calm and matter of fact when you talk to the authorities, as your ex may paint you as hysterical or something, if he's ever questioned, and you'll want to look like the sane one.

Security systems with cameras are probably a good idea. Read Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" book - it's quite informative! I'd also talk to someone at a domestic abuse center, because they will be full of information about keeping yourself safe.

What happened to the ex-wife? Was your ex bothering her, too?


Posts: 1275 | Registered: Aug 2010
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may also want to consult with a domestic violence advocate. What he is doing is abusive, and they will have the most experience in practical ways to manage this kind of behavior. Also put a freeze on your credit, so he can't open accounts in your name, etc.

How scary -- call the police anytime something happens, so there is formal documentation. Good luck, stay safe!


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For one year I was at police 1-2 X's a week and with never proof it was him. They got tired of me. His first wife had a heart attack several years ago and was drinking. No mention in the obit of cause of death. One yr prior to my DDay ex went behind my back & forged my name on one of our burial plots (there were 4) & he sold to the daughter telling her I would steal it from her if he died first. My guess is daughter knew her mom, his ex was sick. So I'll bet they buried her in that plot. At Xmas I get a card from the insurance broker who kept my home policy in my ex's name. There is an investigation on that one also but again no proof. I think people back home heard his ex wife died and might think it is me since they knew he left me after a brain tumor diagnosis as well as.. 4 tumors in breasts. Worried I will be called in deceased again. But why does an ex do this one year after


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've put up with stalking from my ex and the OW for almost 6 years. There's not much the police will do. Mostly, I can't prove it's them. They used to stalk my home, me and the kids around town. The cops couldn't do anything because they never went on my property.

I would suggest changing the companies you do business with and get a PO Box for your mail. Also call the companies and put a password on your accounts.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thats absolutely crazy crap. but much of it can be solved.

call all banks, creditors and such and let them know you need a pin, not a social number to access accts. change all card numbers, meaning you cut up cards and they will send another. have bank acct number changed and make sure you go in and tell them NO one has access. bring in divorce papers. they may even make a note on acct for you.

get a new email, change your cell number.
electric bill and so on, you can also get a pin number so no one can change it. alert them you are divorced.

so basically, you need to call everyone and change everything. i would also keep a list of everything happening, date and time. see if you can ever get a pic of him there and report immediately.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you try and get proof?

My ex tried to cancel my car registration, my car insurance policy (while I was away on a driving holiday with our children!), he hacked into my emails, he stole money from my bank account online and was generally out to 'get me'. Luckily as these things were in my name he was unable to cancel my insurance, he got what he wanted though ruining my holiday.

I couldn't believe it that he would do those things I was in a fog myself I guess. I really thought I had given him everything he wanted to be divorced so he could have his 'happily ever after with the OW'.

I ended up trapping him in an email where he admitted he did those things. I had to toughen up and then used those emails as leverage, he had to leave me alone or I would go to the police and he would be charged. This made him back off. He still likes to try and run my life but I don't allow him too. Don't give him an inch as he will run a mile.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1362 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To answer your title: YES.

My ex actually went through a period where he got worse after the D. He would do stuff that I couldn't prove but I KNEW was him (like you).

I ended up at the local abuse center because they were able to assist on what I needed to do as far as stalking (even though he wasn't physically abusive).

First thing was to keep a "stalker" log. No matter how little or weird the thing seems, jaunt down the day/time and what happened. This serves you later on if you need a restraining order.....shows it was bad enough for you to actually keep track versus you just being some crazy ex trying to stir up trouble. It is favorable on your side to the judge. IF you never need it - great.

They told me to get a hunter's cam for outside. You can get the motion activated one with night-vision. It only records when there is activity. Not sure the cost - they said Wal-Mart carries them. If he is lurking around - it will capture him. If he sees it - it will be a deterrent.

I am not sure how he is able to change your address on anything like that (electric/credit cards). Seems like he has to be able to access your email/computer to be able to intercept those emails they send to verify you made a change to your account? Is he really techie? Is your home internet passworded or can he hack in from the yard?

Can you set up an email account for just your bills so no one else would have it? Then use that account with all your bills to get electronic statements?

Make sure you report any stuff (like shed/gas) to the police. This opens a file for you and gives you quicker results if he ups the crazy.

I finally realized I can't control what he does....best I can do is protect me, kids and house.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Ex did a lot of crazy stuff right after dday. I documented everything.

We had a hearing last month (on an unrelated matter) and I very calmly went over each and every thing with the judge. I asked him to bear with me and said he needed to know the whole story to understand the dynamics. I presented it as a credibility issue, but my goal was to get everything on record.

I brought as much proof as I had, texts, emails, voice mail transcriptions, etc. I don't know if the judge believed me at first (it was some crazy stuff), but my Ex kept contradicting himself under oath.

So the judge slapped him with a restraining order, even though I didn't even ask for one. The ex was ordered him to stop disturbing my peace and given a list of things not to do to me anymore.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh thank you. Good to to know I am not crazy and it was probably him. Moving out of the area stopped most of it. I just cannot wrap my brain around why he would do this when he wanted the divorce. Is it because life is not as good as he thought it would be or maybe he is mad because what he did to me is being seen by others and making him look bad or maybe his way of trying to get me to contact him since I have not spoken a word to him in 2 years?


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cannot wrap my brain around why he would do this when he wanted the divorce
There are many different reasons ...one of them being he has a mental problem or a personality disorder.

I had to get a P.O. against my PsychoX when we divorced. I've had it now for 8 years. He was sending OTHER people to stalk me and spy on me, take pictures of me, etc....

An advocate helped me tremendously. They know how to deal with this stuff because this is what they do. I second the "get an abuse advocate" suggestion.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15293 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing my ex did was break into my home. I was still in the marital home. It was after our divorce and I had exclusive rights to it.

I didn't even realize he done it until I found a charge on my bank account where he paid a bill in his name. He had broken in my home during the divorce so I wasn't surprised. He never took anything and I couldn't prove it so the cops wouldn't do anything.

He must have written down my bank account number because I didn't find anything missing.

I went to the bank first to take care of my bank account. Then went to the police dept. The police told me I should have went there first. They said they couldn't do anything because the bank closed the account, I was no longer a victim. Even though his name was on my statement where it showed the bill was paid and he had never been on this bank account. I got it after we were divorced.

That's the only thing I had that I could prove was him. He'd be in jail right now if I had gone to the cops first.

So if this ever happens to you, go to the cops first and file a report then go to the bank.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cannot wrap my brain around why he would do this when he wanted the divorce.

This was what perplexed me the most too. I kept thinking YOU are the one that messed around and did this.....!!!!

Good ole SI reminded me there is no rational to crazy.

Mine would do stuff just to prove he could. AKA I changed all the locks and added new garage doors with codes. VERY FIRST DAY.....I came home and found BOTH garage doors wide open as well as the bathroom window. ALL where locked when I left for work.

I took it as his saying "Do all the security you want but I can still get to you...."

Finally I realized, he knows where I live, he knows where I work, etc. If he wants to "take me out", he can just kill me anywhere. Once I took that mindset (versus going crazy trying to secure everything), it helped me. I know that sounds weird but a woman was gunned down in my area by her ex in the parking lot of her work. I realized if ex went wacko and wanted to kill me....no amounts of locks, etc would help. So I do as much as I can security wise but I am not longer making myself insane with it.

Do all the precautions you can, of course. But try not to let it monopolize your life (cause it does/can). A person can drive themselves have crazy trying to understand why-why-why they are going off the deep end.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EvenKeel, my ex used to work in the construction field. He told me he could get in the house any time he wanted. He broke into the house just to prove to me he could.

I never could figure out how he got in. All the windows had extra locks on them, the locks to all the doors had been changed and the garage door code had been changed.

Then one day he had to brag about how he got in. He told me the patio doors. Said he took them down. I didn't believe him because I had the bar in place and a thick wooden rod at the bottom to keep him from being able to slide the door.

One day I was washing the outside of that door. They were the sliding glass doors. I noticed water going in the house. I had been spraying the door with a water hose. It was then that I realized he had taken that door off from the outside of the house.

I think he also did it to try and scare me but what he never got was that he was also freaking the kids out. It got where whenever we went in the house, I had to search every inch of the house to make sure he wasn't hiding in there before the kids felt safe.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peri - Since this was our marital home, I figured he probably knows ways to get in that I don't. IE like you and your sliding doors.

I spent a good deal of money trying to FT-proof the place only to realize he was still getting in.

The shelter had me go talk to the police so I have it documented (even though I couldn't prove it). I sent him a letter letting him know he was no longer allowed inside my house. To which I got a nice "don't have to be so mean" text.

Ultimately, I just decided to let go of all that energy I was losing to worrying and safe-proofing.

As for current methods - I lock my doors each night and go to bed with my bat in the corner. I truly believe my ex is capable of "snapping" but I am not going to live my life as his victim.

I find this stuff so very-very sad. The great lengths people go through to hurt intentionally hurt the people they shared vows with.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 18

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.