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Newest Member: walker2014 (44332)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Phone etiquette
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are out with people and you receive a text do you respond at the table, excuse yourself , or none and wait until you call them back?

Thank you!


Posts: 875 | Registered: Jul 2012
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my kids aren't with me, I apologize and tell them I just need to see if it was from my kids. If it wasn't, I don't respond to the text. Otherwise, I ignore it.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 394 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends who I'm with. The more comfortable I am with the other person and the more time we routinely spend together, the more often I'm on my phone with them. If it's any sort of formal situation though, phone is on silent and hidden away.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
Ann124
♀ Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Harriet, and even then my phone is on silent and I would only check it if and when I excused myself from the table.

Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It all depends on the situation. When I'm on a first or second date, my friends send texts to check on me. I tell my date that I need to check and respond to the text.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4054 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the text is from one of my kids, I do respond then, and tell whomever I'm with what I'm doing. If the text is from anyone else I don't respond till later.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2572 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
travels
♀ Member
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't check texts when I'm out with friends or family. I don't have kids, but understand my friends who do check in with kids or the babysitter.

I get really annoyed when I'm out with friends and they not only text, but answer phone calls. These calls aren't from the kids or babysitters.

[This message edited by travels at 8:21 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.

Posts: 3760 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I am expecting an important call (rarely, but has happened on occasion), I tell the other person in advance that I might have to take a call.

I normally keep my phone on vibrate if I am out with others, because there could be an emergency from one of my kids. (Don't ask how I know this!! hint: I'm a mum of 3 adolescent boys. so yeah, shit happens. 'nuff said....)

If any of that is not ok with the other person (never happened, but I see how it could), I would re-schedule with them.

That being said, if I feel the phone vibrate then I excuse myself and and briefly check if it's the call I'm expecting or from one of the boys. I do not respond to anything else, and I do all of this outside of the presence of the other person(s).

It is so irritating to me that so many people are so attached to their phones. I try to avoid that, while still being available for unexpected emergencies. Being polite is just not that hard. Show a little consideration for the other person!! I didn't want to get together so that I could watch you fb/text/yak, etc....


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have my phone on vibrate most of the time, and leave it alone when I'm with people. Sometimes I will take it out and check, but not during a meal or a conversation.

I am so old I remember the times when no one had a phone by them, nor answering machines, and somehow we all managed just fine.

Phones are huge distractions from being present with people. If I am with someone and they check their phone too much I loose interest in that person. Of course I understand more if they say in advance they are checking for their kids or their mom or whatever. But it better be brief or I get turned off. I don't want to be around numbed out device driven zombies.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Crescita
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm like Ama, not right away, not in formal settings but casually, after an extended amount of time, yeah the phone will probably come out at some point. There is a somewhat unspoken rule that once the phones come out they get to become part of the conversation. "Oh who's texting? What are they up to? Say hi, etc..." If you want to play on your phone in front of other people it doesn't get to be private so you better be ready and willing to share!

Posts: 3278 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I chose not to answer my phone. But the light when a text or voicemail made it uncomfortable.

I think next time I will put my phone actually out of sight.

Learning something new- it was completely distracting!


Posts: 875 | Registered: Jul 2012
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so old I remember the times when no one had a phone by them, nor answering machines, and somehow we all managed just fine.

Me too.....in those days, when you wanted to talk to someone on the phone you had to call whatever BUILDING you guess they would probably be at. And then another one if they weren't there, etc., until you finally caught up with them.

This makes absolutely NO SENSE to young kids today - you call a *person*, not a *building*, duh


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my kids aren't with me, I apologize and tell them I just need to see if it was from my kids. If it wasn't, I don't respond to the text. Otherwise, I ignore it.
For the most part, I do this.
However, it also depends.
If it is an all day event, yes, I will check my emails/messages every few hours (whether my kids or hubby are with me or not).
It I am with very close friends, but sans kids/hubby, I'll check, but make a judgement call on whether to answer or not.

For a phone call, I'd excuse myself for a moment or two and leave the table. I, personally, find it extremely annoying to be sitting in a restaurant and be forced to listen to someone else's cell phone conversation (which is too often loaded with F bombs and other swearing).


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it depends on the time of year. For about four months out of the year, I'm on call 24/7 for work (a production company) and between texts, calls and emails, I have to be pretty plugged into my phone and answer ASAP. The people in my life know this and understand completely, though.

Outside of that, I'm in the camp of if it's kid-related, I'll answer. If not, I'll let it go until later.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 6:25 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15363 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live near the heart of silicon valley and everyone has smart phones it seems. I think in this "culture" it is pretty normal to look at your phone periodically, and even shoot off a quick (less than 5 seconds of finger poking texting) text. I don't think it's considered rude. I think most people set their phones to silent/vibrate during social situations.

Answering phone calls? Like audible ring tones? That's not so nice. Voice seems to be intrusive. If you answer you should be getting up to get some privacy. Making phone calls? Leave the table before you even start that.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1094 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone heard of the Phone Stack?

At the restaurant you put your phones in a stack in the middle of the table. The first one that rings or vibrates belongs to the person who pays the tab for the whole table.

I *like* that game.

I was catching up with one of my friends during our semi-annual phone call yesterday (on my landline). She said she's had her last Boxing Day gathering because everyone was just sitting around looking at screens.

Sad really.

I get that people have kids who might need to reach them, but there's no excuse otherwise, unless you're dating a surgeon, in which case I'd let him buy dinner...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:35 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17177 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We play that game at home, too. I have teens and their friends are often over for meals. We all put our phones in the middle of the table and the first one to crack has to do the dishes.

Their self control is amazing when a chore is on the line.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15363 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids are too young for phones just yet, but I love that idea, wildbananas.

As to when I would check my own phone, it really depends what's going on. If I have something big going on at work, with a looming trial, heck yes I'm going to be checking. I am not dating, so I wouldn't offend anyone that way, but I would give friends a heads up. If there's nothing like that going on, I try not to. I try to be "present" around my kids and friends as much as possible. It does annoy me when someone else is glued to their phone (as long as they are not a surgeon or have a looming trial themselves).

At work, most of the judges have big signs on the trial tables reminding us not to check phones etc while court is in session, to give you an idea of how pervasive the habit is.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 18

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