Your story doesn't flow well.
You have a DD6
At some point you were with him.
Then he spent 2 years trolling Craigslist.
Then (supposedly) he stopped.
Then you moved in together.
Then you bought a house.
You kicked him out.
There was a poly, and he passed.
I'm not sure, but I don't think you really were perfect together.
I understand you miss him. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I understand it is what it is.
"How can this be fixed to start a new beginning?"
Counseling? Honesty? Openness?
Ask yourself "Who am I?"
"Do I define myself by my relationship with him?"
"What am I afraid of?"
If it's fear that drives you and keeps you in the relationship, then I don't believe that is healthy for you.
Your new beginning may not involve him.
You didn't say why you kicked him out a year after d-day. That colors things quite a bit.
But yeah, it doesn't sound perfect. Perfect doesn't involves craigslist, lies, polys, and moving out.
I get that you miss him. We can miss and long for people who aren't ultimately good for us because they can serve needs and be fun, etc.
Have you thought about going no contact for awhile? I think being in contact can lead to more confusion.
He's still going w he chose men bc it wasn't cheating.
It really doesn't matter whether he's straight, bi, gay, or whatever other label you can throw at it. The fact is that he cheated. Period.
He wants nothing more that to prove to me forever that he loves only me ... What do U do?
Live your life for you and your child.
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
He needs some serious individual work before anything can be done.
You are in denial of what he really did. Get the book. I am in the divorce process because my sawh is still in denial about the porn,etc.
Get the book, talks all about us being in ouriwn denial.
They are master manipulators and will target your weakest points to contniue in their behavior and keep up appearances.
He is not an honest person. He did this for TWO YEARS! Even if it was ok to just do it once or for a short time (which is isn't) .... He did it for a really LONG time. This means for all this time he was ACTIVELY DECEIVING YOU and obviously very good at it.
Plus..... he posted ads for women too. In his twisted way of thinking - isn't that cheating? No matter what, he is still not accepting full responsibility for what he did and TRULY owning up to it. Maybe he's lying to himself about his true orientation - who knows but you don't need this in your life!!!! He sounds very manipulative and needy.
Regardless of who he cheated with, he stepped outside of his marriage. That is the core issue, and hasn't he done it several times?
You can sprinkle gold dust on a pile of poo, it is still poo. Covering it with something pretty never works.
You want us to tell you to give him another chance? We aren't going to tell you to do that. We can all see the writing on the wall, you just need to turn around and read it for yourself.
He isn't straight, that is for certain. He is is deep denial.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I miss him so much!
It's possible to miss someone who is not good for you.
It's possible to be married to someone who is not in love with you.
confused52204, How, exactly, is he good for you?
He's still going w he chose men bc it wasn't cheating. He's states he not bi or gay.
Again, you want us to tell you to go back to him, and we aren't going to do that with the information you've given. You are in as much denial as he is.
When I have my ex the opportunity to R, I put very strict guidelines into place. It didn't take long (a few months) for him to slide back into poor behavior. THEN my anger really hit as the holidays approached and he reacted by retreating. By the time I felt safe enough to really let all of the anger surface (it has to or you are stuffing it in for the rest of your life) he decided he had enough and I needed to "just get over it" and a 3-5 year healing timeline was "ridiculous". He coped by returning to the previous behavior.
When I found out, I left and refused to look back.
You just have to come to the point that you have had enough. Try posting in Reconciliation, they might say what you want to hear.
He may not be bi- or gay but he's at least bi-curious. No straight men I know are bi- curious. Either you are bi- or gay or you're not. You can't play the straight card and still want to be with a person of the opposite sex.
Those are the facts. Love is NOT unconditional. Abuse, cheating, and more factor in. Unless one of you is a pet, generally a canine, love is NOT unconditional.
I'm sorry but from the outside looking in on this, run, run like hell to get away from him. Cut the cord. Stop talking to him. Take time to heal. If he's serious he'll continue with therapy. He needs to get his shit fixed long before you should even entertain getting back with him.
Get STD testing IMMEDIATELY, and do the follow up testing.
No unprotected sex with this man. If it were me, I wouldn't have sex with him at all. It's not safe.
If you don't care about your own health, think about your DD. If you died from AIDS, would you want your ex taking care of her? with all his hook ups and sex with strangers??