I have to admit I'm really struggling about going back. Baby will be 7w this Sunday and I've really enjoyed being here with family and knowing I'm with people who genuinely love and accept me. Everytime I think about leaving I cry...why is this so hard? I want us to be a happy healthy family but I'm so afraid this just isn't meant to be. Someone please tell me these feelings are normal when coming back after a separation...it's been 4 months now.
Have you communicated to him how it feels to have him travelling and making plans without consulting you?
To me it doesn't sound like he's ready to do the hard work. :(
Take the time with your family to figure out what you want. You and your darling baby are in a supportive and loving environment. Caring and bonding with your child is so important and it is such a special time. Why return to a situation that is fraught with uncertainty and stress?
It sounds like your husband is not truly remorseful or committed to R. His response when you asked about why he didn't tell you about the trip is appalling. He should be completely transparent and jumping through hoops to demonstrate that he is worth R with. There should be no holding back, no defensive acts or words. What has he done during your separation to deal with the issues that let to his A?
Take you time in deciding what you want. Do not feel that you need to be rushed into making a decision.
[This message edited by meplusfour at 3:46 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]
I was separated for 7 months...I did find that despite the sadness (Which. lets face it, was unavoidable whether he was there or not) I was still able to recognize how I might be happier without him around! It made me realize I had always had to take care of myself anyway, nothing really changed except I had one less kid to pick up after, and I sure didn't miss his negativity and criticisms!
So when he came back home, although I did enjoy remembering the good things about being together (Which I had honestly forgotten), I also am determined not to put up with the bad/annoying shit that I now have opened my eyes to. Be prepared- being around him again made the pain/hurt/anger all new and raw again, when I thought I had begun to grow a scab. I posted about it under reconciliation forum, subject was something like "Attempting R-makes pain new again" and I got some great replies, you should check it out.
I'm sure you're scared. After 4 months of processing this on your own (sorta) you are now going back "into the fray". Go back with your eyes open and take your time observing him. Just because you ended separation doesn't mean you have to make a final decision yet. Love yourself! and that new baby :)
We are done.