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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Love vs. Luuurv (the fantasy) - Repost
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post Aubrie and spot on. I thought I had this real love but I was wrong. I hope I can find this one day too.

Sending lots of good 'love' vibes for your R journey. :)


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I've just re-read this 4 times. It's really made me cry. It's amazing how much the littlest things can be taken for granted.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
lostandhopless
♂ Member
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14


Posts: 115 | Registered: Dec 2013
Trying2Survive1
♀ Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TY Aubrie...so true.


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
3xloser
♂ Member
Member # 34735
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the description of "love." So true. Lurv is an illusion. A dangerous and potentially destructive one.

Posts: 134 | Registered: Feb 2012
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right. 'Lurv' is "The Bridges of Madison County"


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2075 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
alwaysclass
♀ New Member
Member # 42200
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much for re-posting as I'm new to SI. Even though we never attempted to R ( did once after his first affair) this hit home. It really described what I believe love is. The airbrushed selfies made me laugh and trigger at the same time...2 years from D-day and it still hurts...


Edited to remove inappropriate comment for this forum. My apologies.

[This message edited by alwaysclass at 2:43 PM, February 10th (Monday)]


BS me 51
DWS him 52
Married 23 years
2 DSs 18y & 15y
D day 10-25-2011
Divorce final 10-25-2012...eerie same


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2014
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lovehonorcherish - there would be no SI if people did not believe that Pinterest quote, no?


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 892 | Registered: Jun 2013
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alwaysclass,

Please keep in mind what forum you're in. You can start your own thread in General if you would like to vent about OW.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you posting Aubrie it made me cry. I have mentioned things like this to WH...asking would you do these things with or for OW? You know you're in love when you go through life's ups and downs with someone. When you see each other at your worst and don't judge accepting that life isn't perfect. Luuurv is hiding behind smoke and mirrors and choosing to feed into fantasy instead of embracing the wonderful imperfections of reality.


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
eleanor2012
♀ Member
Member # 35655
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wonderful post :)

Posts: 52 | Registered: May 2012
soosorrymom
♀ Member
Member # 24046
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you this was a wonderful post . I'm only 7 weeks out if D2 and still facing the reality of what I have done. While in LA it all seemed wonderful and roses but now that I am owning my shut. I realize true love isn't easy it's sharing the good and bad and being there for each other . I've hurt my BS so bad I'm not sure he will ever forgive me but I'm doing the work and hope we can both find strength and true love for each other in future


me- FWS 40
Him- FBS 42
Married 13 years together 22years
2 amazing kids 12 & 8
DDay May 2008

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2009
Mommato5
♀ New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you crawled into my head and wrote this!

Thanks!


Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
mrs7
♀ New Member
Member # 42505
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love. This.


Me -WW - 49
Him -BH -45
DD - 1-21-14
no children together
M - 3 1/2 years, together 7

Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: CO
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Sobbing bad here......

[This message edited by Sadmumma at 6:49 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
medicinetaker
♀ New Member
Member # 42527
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love is when you confess your infidelity, you look up into their tear filled eyes and hear, "I forgive you. I will give you another chance. Do not mess this chance up. I love you and am willing to do what it takes to make this work."

I would love to hear this come out of my BH's mouth...


Me: WW- 40's 4 month sexually charged EA Him: BH- 40's M- 17 years 3 kids
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”

Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
griefandrelief
♀ Member
Member # 42210
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long did it take you to recognize that the AP was not who you thought he/she was? How far does a WS go to convince yourself that the AP is the real deal and then what makes you stop and re-assess the situation in order to recognize what you have lost or might lose?


Love ... dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -Anais Nin
D-day 1/24/14. Divorcing. Moving forward in fits and starts.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: kansas
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long did it take you to recognize that the AP was not who you thought he/she was? How far does a WS go to convince yourself that the AP is the real deal and then what makes you stop and re-assess the situation in order to recognize what you have lost or might lose?
I don't think there is a "one size fits all" answer. The answers will vary by WS. Some WS go in never thinking the AP is anything special. That they were just someone convenient. Other WS, including some on SI, still swear their AP was "special" and they had a magical love.

I was a little awestruck by the AP. I saw alot of his flaws and I saw red flags, but chose to ignore them. Cause who isn't flawed, right? The AP and I went into this with the deal, our spouses are not to be involved or affected. Its me and him, filling our "need" and going about our business. Right.

Thing is, AP didn't want to leave QS out of it. He loved to talk crap about him. He got off on it. When I was talking to AP, I didn't *want* the constant reminder of my husband. Just shut up, make me feel good, don't bring up my husband. Then as things escalated, AP told me to stop doing certain things with QS. The "relationship" was walking into my marriage. Which is what it wasn't supposed to do. My husband was being hurt. And he didnt even know it. The more I thought about it, the more it shook me up, and I realized just how screwed up my thinking was. I ended it.

I knew the AP wasn't a magical unicorn, but I didn't realize just how efffed up he was, or clearly see him as he really was till several weeks out from Dday.

Does that answer your question?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6227 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
bluebird25
New Member
Member # 42670
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this!

Posts: 5 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 39
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