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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Valentine's Day rears it's ugly head
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we were at Walmart last night and what do I see? Valentine's candy already. A whole aisle full of pink candy bags. It was an instant trigger, my stomach just dropped. First of all, really? It was the day after Christmas and they already have that crap out? Gah! And second, this is going to be hard, D-day is three days after Valentine's Day and there are many circumstances surrounding Valentine's Day that are going to be hard as well. So much of that time is burned so clearly into my memory, like the OW showing up at my door crying and me comforting her while my husband stood there. Guess what she was crying about? Apparently they had had a fight that day.

The day before V day we all went to get dinner together, him, me and her, as well as our son and then went to his parents house. That was also the day that my husband and I took our son to the park and spent all day walking around and enjoying the sunshine; it was a perfect day and I felt so in love, I remember not wanting to leave. Three days later I found out about the affair. I think I'm going to be sick. As D-day approaches I seem to just get more and more sad with less happy times in between. Christmas was damn hard, and New Years is going to be just as bad and then I will have D-day coming and I am starting to panic. Valentine's Day was the day my husband proposed to me, but now it is just another trigger.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's amazing what causes us to trigger so badly. Just breath and remember that things will get better. Each day brings a little bit of time between then and now and that is just what you need. Eventually, time will put a whole new perspective on things. Hopefully, things will become better for you in the future and maybe, just maybe, Valentines Day won't be as bad as you think. My DDay's are so confused - I don't know if it's the day WS left, the day I found out there was OW, the day he returned and confessed some things, the day a few weeks later that I found out more stuff and on and on until sometime in August when I think I finally learned the "whole truth". But, even October 17th, the first DDay wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. It helps if your WS is remorseful and is really there helping you through this. If he is, try to appreciate it (difficult I know since they are the ones who put us here)and move forward. I know it's hard, but once again, "time" will make a difference. ((((HUGS))))


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great. I've been avoiding walmart since the day after Halloween when it put all the Christmas decorations out. I had hoped for at least a couple weeks of a break after Christmas before valentines. On valentines last year, he chose to take her to dinner instead of me. He told me that he was sick. I offered to bring him soup, and he told me no. I said I was hurt that he didn't want to see me, and he responded that he would come over around 8pm since I guilt tripped him into it. I went to Burger King that night before he came over, and broke down crying while ordering my food. I had no idea about his A. I just thought he didn't care about me. I've made a big deal to him about the fact that he chose her that night, but he doesn't see it that way. Or claims not to at least. But the way I see it, she was more important to him than me. He would rather risk upsetting me than upsetting her. So great, another day to dread.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2013
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I noticed that same thing! It kind of made me want to hurl.... Christmas is rough enough but for me he ramped up his EA between xmas and v-day.... until I finally had the balls to put my foot down and call him on what he was doing... (they were only friends! ). That and the fact that he sent her gifts for v-day and when caught bought me the same exact thing (candy).... threw it on the counter in front of me and said we were even now cause I got the same thing as her..... um.... no.... hers wasn't thrown at her.... and I'm pretty sure she got a nice card and happy thoughts... the emails I intercepted sure were very sugary and disgustingly sweet with winks and smiles and 'If you're happy I'm happy' crap..... It's taking longer for me to get over this than I thought it would.... if these nasty holidays would just go away I might be able to stay sane. I am becoming a person who simply tries to block the memories out of my mind as much as possible.

Anyway it's trigger city for the next couple months.... so you are in good company with all of us.. no wonder I don't like to go into the stores anymore. shopping has lost its appeal and I just don't care to go anymore.


Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Freaking commercialism, they just have to get the products out as soon as possible. Thanks for weighing in my friends. I never was one of those people that was down on Valentine's Day before, I always liked it, but I am not sure how I will be this year, not too happy I guess considering I am already freaking out about it. Are you all celebrating? How do we handle this? Should I just leave it up to my husband? With D day three days later I am not sure what to do. I feel like if we just ignore it things might be worse, but I also don't know about celebrating. Anyone else out there past your first Valentines? What did you do?


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What did we do? Last year was our first Valentine's after dd. I had always been the one to make a fuss over the holiday (and pretty much any holiday, frankly) but I was on a bad downswing last VD. I left it to WH. And he stepped it up.

Finally10 went shopping (lovely gifts and cards), decorated the table and cooked me dinner. He won't usually let himself be silly, but he stuck holiday clings onto my mirrors saying he loved me. It was so unexpected and really showed me he was willing to try. Wanted to try.

This year, I've decided it's my turn too, so I think we will both do some things for the day. I was so triggery last year, but am feeling no pain seeing the stuff at the store this year.
I wish you a peaceful heart going through it.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh!!!! I am dreading it already!!!! Valentine's Day fell right after Dday, then telling the kids, finding out 2 already knew, and him moving out the weekend following. That whole week will suck.

I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for myself too. Heck I'm sorry for all of us here. Christmas was actually okay. Valentine's week is going to be so much worse. This too shall pass.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank SoVerySadNow, I guess I will just let him handle it if he wants to. I remember feeling insecure around Valentine's day last year because I was worried about him and her and asking him to make it special, but he got food poisoning and spent the day throwing up so he wasn't really in a position for romance that day. I was hoping that he would make it up to me in the following days but instead I got to find out that he was cheating and my fears and securities were completely justified. Is every holiday going to be a trigger now I wonder? It seems like everything I do is a trigger.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is every holiday going to be a trigger now I wonder?

Oh, I hope not.... Hopefully someone further out will respond with encouragement that time helps the holiday triggers too!!


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jan 2013
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope not too, it seems like every thing is a trigger, stuff from before, during and after. Memories of good times before even seem to trigger me.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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