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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dinner with WH
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am picking up my granddaughter from my WH after I get off work tonight and he asked if I would be willing to go somewhere to eat dinner, just the three of us. I said ok but I am feeling a little weird about it.

I want to get along and behave as normally as possible for my granddaughter's sake but I also don't want to give him the wrong idea.

I did tell him once that maybe we could "date" at some time but I am not up for that now. I will need to make it clear to him that this is a family outing, not a date.

I hate that I have been tied in a knot ever since he asked me to go to dinner. I wish he would leave me alone!


Posts: 1931 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

behave as normally as possible

Well, honey, this ain't normal for divorcing couples, and it's not doing your granddaughter any favors to think it is.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:01 AM, December 27th (Friday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13687 | Registered: Jul 2011
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to get along and behave as normally as possible
There's nothing normal about the situation.

"Family dinners" are for families. Divorce changes family configurations.

Your granddaughter can have dinner with you. She can have dinner with her grandfather.

But your family configuration has changed.

(And besides, taking a granddaughter on a date as a buffer is....not good. Kids are very vulnerable to the tensions between adults. He may be pretending this is something to do "for the kids"--or grandkids. I'd maintain it is something harmful done TO the kids. Don't do it. If you want to "date," do just that. Leave others out of it until you know where it's headed, for sure.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8559 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why did you agree to do something that clearly makes you upset?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others. Call him back and cancel. He is using your grandaughter to try to hoover you back in, get ego kibbles for himself, or to talk to you about something because he knows you won't blow up at him with your granddaughter there. Either way going will likely just hurt you and give your granddaughter the wrong idea/ false hope. I had a similar discussion with my STBXWW. She wanted us to go on trips with the kdis while we were doing in-house S. I told her trips are things families do. Because of STBXWW we are no longer a family and as such we won't be going anywhere together. She can take the kids on a trip and I will take them on a trip but there is no more "US".


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would NEVER.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3310 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
LoveHerStill
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your gut. This has "Awkward" tatooed all over it with red flags around it.


Me BH-45
Her WW-44
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.


Posts: 462 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope everything went well and that you're home. And that you didn't upchuck your dinner at the table due to nerves. LOL


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9515 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, very curious to how things went ...


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are no rules. Do what feels right to YOU. Not anyone else.


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 10

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