Topic: Dinner with WH
Member # 29368
| Posted: 6:04 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
I am picking up my granddaughter from my WH after I get off work tonight and he asked if I would be willing to go somewhere to eat dinner, just the three of us. I said ok but I am feeling a little weird about it.
I want to get along and behave as normally as possible for my granddaughter's sake but I also don't want to give him the wrong idea.
I did tell him once that maybe we could "date" at some time but I am not up for that now. I will need to make it clear to him that this is a family outing, not a date.
I hate that I have been tied in a knot ever since he asked me to go to dinner. I wish he would leave me alone!
Posts: 1921 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 32810
| Posted: 6:07 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
behave as normally as possible
Well, honey, this ain't normal for divorcing couples, and it's not doing your granddaughter any favors to think it is.
[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:01 AM, December 27th (Friday)]
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Posts: 13005 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 30989
| Posted: 7:08 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
I want to get along and behave as normally as possibleThere's nothing normal about the situation.
"Family dinners" are for families. Divorce changes family configurations.
Your granddaughter can have dinner with you. She can have dinner with her grandfather.
But your family configuration has changed.
(And besides, taking a granddaughter on a date as a buffer is....not good. Kids are very vulnerable to the tensions between adults. He may be pretending this is something to do "for the kids"--or grandkids. I'd maintain it is something harmful done TO the kids. Don't do it. If you want to "date," do just that. Leave others out of it until you know where it's headed, for sure.)
WH(Mr. Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS17
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke
Posts: 7859 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 33129
| Posted: 9:58 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
Why did you agree to do something that clearly makes you upset?
divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
Posts: 3108 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Member # 32258
| Posted: 10:30 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
I agree with the others. Call him back and cancel. He is using your grandaughter to try to hoover you back in, get ego kibbles for himself, or to talk to you about something because he knows you won't blow up at him with your granddaughter there. Either way going will likely just hurt you and give your granddaughter the wrong idea/ false hope. I had a similar discussion with my STBXWW. She wanted us to go on trips with the kdis while we were doing in-house S. I told her trips are things families do. Because of STBXWW we are no longer a family and as such we won't be going anywhere together. She can take the kids on a trip and I will take them on a trip but there is no more "US".
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014
Posts: 1432 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 3703
| Posted: 11:54 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
I would NEVER.
Me: BW - 38/ Him: WH - 51 (sociopath/serial cheater)
D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Posts: 2642 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 31504
| Posted: 3:40 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
Trust your gut. This has "Awkward" tatooed all over it with red flags around it.
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011
There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.
Posts: 429 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
Member # 32554
| Posted: 10:03 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
I hope everything went well and that you're home. And that you didn't upchuck your dinner at the table due to nerves. LOL
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 8362 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 41181
| Posted: 10:53 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013|
Yes, very curious to how things went ...
Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.
Posts: 1103 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Member # 33591
| Posted: 5:16 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013|
There are no rules. Do what feels right to YOU. Not anyone else.
BS (me): 37
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 7 (daughter) & 3(son)
Posts: 749 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
|Topic Posts: 10|