Now I am back at the marital home (aka hell) where asshat and I are doing in-house separation, and it's empty and quiet and it doesnt feel like Christmas because my whole world (DD) is gone with asshat to his psycho mother's house.
All I can think about is how I wont get to have her next year, because it will be asshat's year...and then that turns into panic over the custody battle...and that leads into worrying about going to court (because we WILL end up in court)...and I cant do anything but sit here, alone and miserable, and WORRY about all the crazy unknowns in my life right now...and then I get mad because NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT!! Asshat chose ALL of this, and I just have to sit here and suffer for the bullshit choices HE made.
And loop that thought process over and over again, and that is my first Christmas night alone EVER.
This shit sucks.
Where's the wine?
I haven't had to go through this yet - so no words of advice -- just (((((HUGS))))
For me i had to change my thinking and celebrate Christmas in a new and different way. when it is not my year, the kids and I celebrate before if possible. We have some new traditions. I try to find fun things for me to do over the actual holiday when they are not with me.
It is different, but I refuse to let him steal anything more from me, or ruin my kids' memories of spending holidays with me.
I swear I'm ready to join Doctors without Borders once a year for Christmas. Just to escape this pain and NOT be dwelling on negativity. Just to do something, anything different!
Just give it a try for a week and you'll find it helps. I try to do this (sometimes it is too hard) but it has defintely helped me and my kids.
In -house is it's own special hell I know. Do you have an end in sight for that?
Seriously, I can totally see for the first time in my life why there are so many suicides this time of year (and no worries, I'm not even close to that point...but I can completely see how agonizing this time of year can be when things just suck).