My husband came home a month ago. Right after I found a phone call to OP and confronted him & he swore, swore, it was him giving her the final kiss-off.
Well in looking at phone records last week, I found suspicious texts/calls on a couple days recently when we fought. Not to her # but to mutual friends, with suspicious timing.
I've sat on this because a) I was trying to convince myself it was coincidence and b) because I didn't want to ruin Xmas for our 2 kids, who seem so happy he's back.
But now I'm burning up!! He's snoring away next to me having a great Xmas nap. Can I hold out the rest of the day?!? For kids sake? For Xmas memorie's sake?!?! Because this conversation might b the deal breaker :(
We are done.
I don't usually say wait if you don't want to, but it is Christmas, let the kids have it.
If these people are friends of yours AND the OW I would say they have to go...friends of the marriage only.
Let him snore, go make some memories with your kids. His bullshit is not worth ruining your time with them.
I would discuss this with him tomorrow.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
In some ways I had almost, perversely, hoped for some definite signs that my gut feelings were true... Well there I go. He has lied for 6 months about his post d-day contact with her.
I guess I'll try to b a grown up today :) thanks for the replies!!
You are saving this day for your children.
It isn't fair, it isn't right. But it is what we do as loving parents.We spare them when we are able to.
He isn't having a happy xmas, I bet inside he knows the walls are about to crash. You cannot live a lie without it looming over your head.
I'm going to try to be calm & not get him on the defensive, try to have a full talk about everything and not just light into him with my new info. Try to give him a chance to be honest before I come with my new "evidence". Hopefully tonight, or soon anyway.
Thanks to everyone who "talked me down" yesterday!! You were right, one more day can't hurt, Xmas is for the kids, and he would have been resentful if I had chosen yesterday to talk. Thank you thank you!!
Or just say "F it" and file for divorce.
If he denies it I would make him call the number from his phone and put it on speaker.
Still haven't talked. He came home drunk last night. Nice, just drunk. I start shaking every time I think about this talk. I'm so scared. I hope I can stick to my guns. I suck at confrontations, he excels at them. I back down, he gets his hackles up. He twists words and avoids questions. I don't see the holes in his answers until the next day, you know? Aarg. so nervous. Just gotta do it :)
How are you? Have you managed to ask him what you wanted to?
I hope you are doing okay.... Give us an update when you have the chance. Just worried about your next step. This is hard stuff. We are here to support you through it!
What helped me was rehearsing it in my mind over and over, getting straight what I wanted to say, the approach I would take. By the time I confronted him, my voice was shaking somewhat, but I was cold and relentless in my interrogations. I did not get sidetracked by his comments (stalling for time). Just answer the question, I kept saying. You did not answer my question. I was a broken record. I badgered him mercilessly and he broke down in sobs and confessed. (I cried, too, but much later in the interrogation. I had already cried so much just thinking of it.)
And you know what? As hurtful as it was, as much as it plunged me into the deepest despair I have ever known, on another level it was a relief to know the truth. It also made me feel strong. Since he was remorseful, took full blame, and wanted to R, I knew that I was basically calling the shots for the first time in our marriage.
So I wish you much courage--whether you've already had the talk, or whether it is still to come. We are all with you.
And you might discover that there is a good explanation for those texts and calls.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
I haven't had "the talk". Sometimes it's been because he's had drinks; other days I have chickened out. I keep waiting for the right time but... Easy to talk myself out of it. Finally at least have told him we need to pick a time to sit & talk... Was shaking even doing that!
Then today, his day off, he started drinking alone at 11:00. Football, you know. Perfect excuse. He's having another lovely afternoon nap now. 😡
I know I will feel better once I get this done. I am a ball of nerves. Just gotta take the plunge & do it!! Thanks for all the support here!!