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Newest Member: SadnAlone (44234)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: house of stuff, packing, when the anxiety cripples and faking it
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everyone,

i am on the verge of separation. I am still living in the house with WS and i haven't told him of my plans basically because i'm trying to keep the peace so i don't have to deal with his cruelty.

But I am sooooo not good at faking it.

Maybe that's why i have so much anxiety, because i'm trying to hide my intentions. I don't know. In the meantime I'm trying to pack up a four bedroom house without him knowing (??) and select the things I most want to take with me. The rest is likely going to Salvation Army and I just really hope all that $$$ does someone some good, because it feels bad to just dump so many years of stuff and the hard work behind it.

I know, it's just stuff. But I guess I'm still struggling with that.

i also have a home based business and will have to dump a lot of my inventory. It's just stressing me out. I have so much to do, and yet I do SO little everyday because I'm crippled by anxiety!

I am taking an anti-anxiety but it's taken a life of it's own and I'm not really managing.

Trying to motor through. Not sure what to do except calling Salvation Army and just saying TAKE IT. Or the Packrat people who come and just take it!

Anyone else deal with stuff? I know it's dumb. But it's in my way!


Me BS 49,Him: narcissist! Truly. 5yr++ LTA. DDays 4/2013, 2/2014 true Jekyll Hyde. Planning escape from truly narcissistic abuser. Have ridden wicked emotional ride. Now teeter between disgust and abject pity.

Posts: 546 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I had the honor of signing over the house, packing up and leaving. I had to do it step by step. I had to examine what I'd leave, what I'd take and what to trash. I took very little. She can look at our stuff the rest of her life. It's just stuff dear TAO, and take your time. When you need to stop packing then stop. It's ok to rest.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 683 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It helped me to rent a storage unit and start moving the "for sure keep" stuff there, car load by car load.

((((hugs)))) One step at a time, honey. You'll get there.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24402 | Registered: Aug 2011
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kinda did this. Over the course of the year I was brutal. I purged, purged, and purged some more. I knew it would come to the point where I would leave, so I tried to make my load as light as possible by getting rid of things. I may have gone a bit overboard in some instances, but I was pretty reasonable in most cases.

Best of luck.

((((TheAgonyOfIt))))


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks everyone for your gentle understanding.

i entirely realize that stuff is so small in comparison to other challenges.

I should really wish for a problem like stuff. It's just stuff!

Trying to keep my wisdom, and keeping my anxiety in check.

Thanks, you're all so kind.


Me BS 49,Him: narcissist! Truly. 5yr++ LTA. DDays 4/2013, 2/2014 true Jekyll Hyde. Planning escape from truly narcissistic abuser. Have ridden wicked emotional ride. Now teeter between disgust and abject pity.

Posts: 546 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want you to know what you're doing is not small/dumb/trivial at all.

You are courageous beyond measure.

Sending hugs.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about making a complete inventory of everything that you want to take and then one morning, having the moving guys come in, grab it, shove it into a van, and take it to your pre-rented storage unit where you can unpack bit by bit as needed? Unless you have a huge house, you should be able to pretty much get everything in one swell foop.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4557 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

great ideas. I actually do have a huge house, and I have a lot of stuff. Stuff from my father that i've been weeding through since his passing 8 years ago, and then just tons of books and clothes and just stuff.

Loved all of your ideas, especially the just get it out into storage. It's the WEEDING through. And it's just something I have to do AND I have to keep remembering

Its just stuff

So if I miss something later on, well, it was just stuff!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you thank you thank you


Me BS 49,Him: narcissist! Truly. 5yr++ LTA. DDays 4/2013, 2/2014 true Jekyll Hyde. Planning escape from truly narcissistic abuser. Have ridden wicked emotional ride. Now teeter between disgust and abject pity.

Posts: 546 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Topic Posts: 8

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