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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What are you going to give as a Christmas gift?
Aspenstrong
♀ Member
Member # 41394
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had seen this before Christmas! He told me not to buy him a gift because he didn't feel good about it. He didn't deserve things for himself right now- since he'd wasted money on hookup sites- and 'happy ending' massages. I didn't disagree or agree. Well a couple days before Christmas he bugged me again about what I wanted so I said gloves and then threw in something that I really enjoy. And I felt like maybe I really ought to get him something. If nothing else so it wouldn't seem unbalanced in the kids view and would he really feel like I cared if I didn't do anything? So I ordered a gift he wanted for his birthday- a few days after disclosure. It didn't come until a day after Christmas. But I put a note saying it was coming. I also put a couple small items for him to open. Glad I did. He appreciated it and his parents ended up being there for Christmas. At the same time up till then I was willing to let him go present less as he felt it was only fitting. So I'm also torn- did my small gift giving take away from his amends making?


WS- Came to me and confessed ONS end of Oct 2013
Dec 2013-found out about 1 happy ending massage and various fishing on hookup sites that didn't pan out/
His heart changes and voluntary confession changed things for me... Waiting to see

Posts: 57 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Southwest
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the third Christmas since DDay. I have given my H the same kinds of gifts -- put the same thought into them (that is, a lot of thought) -- as before DDay. Same thing for birthdays, Father's Day, valentines, etc. Because I get a lot of pleasure out of doing so, and because if I agreed to try to reconcile w him, I felt I ought to act the way I thought was loving and "wifely".

However, it took almost two years before I could give him a personal, loving card. I wouldn't say words if I couldn't feel them, ya know?


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 855 | Registered: Sep 2012
greengiant
♂ Member
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello All!

A little update of what I did finally! I took the decision to be authentic, so I told her I would give her small gifts that she asked for, but that wouldn't be the gifts I would have give her usually as I was feeling too much pain. She said she was ok with that and wanted me to give her a gift when I will be ok with that.

I did however gave her another "gift". To remember her I was already giving a gift by staying, I told her I would try to grow a beard as this is something she asked me before. She seemed really happy!

Aspenstrong, I don't think it will take him away from his amends making, as long as you told him why you are doing this and how you are feeling with this. This thread showed me that there was no good or wrong answers, as long as you stay true to yourself, authentic and communicate with your WS.


ME - BS - 33
fWW - 33
Married 8 years, together 15
3 kids: 6, 4 and 2
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
Aspenstrong
♀ Member
Member # 41394
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, December 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you greengiant. I hate that decisions seem to be weightier than normal. He hasn't taken his gift out of the box yet- but I wont worry- I'm glad I didn't go gift-less on him.


WS- Came to me and confessed ONS end of Oct 2013
Dec 2013-found out about 1 happy ending massage and various fishing on hookup sites that didn't pan out/
His heart changes and voluntary confession changed things for me... Waiting to see

Posts: 57 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Southwest
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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