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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Kids overnights at daddys girlfriend
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids (elementry school sge) just told me they've slept over at daddy's girlfriend house.
He has never mentioned her to me but I'm estimating she is not the (one of 7) OWs: single mom to kids of similar age as the kids have talked about her before for about 6 months now.
I just felt weird hearing this. I guess it's not knowing exactly where my kids are sleeping (though I know her house as the kids pointed to it when we drove by once.. (Nice neighborhood, safe, etc)
Or maybe I feel weird because he's in a relationship while I'm still heeling. Idk
Ex is NPD so I know he is laying 110% charm on her (like he did me when we were dating) so part of me is jealous AND afraid for her as I know it's all manipulation on his part.
I'm just so mixed emotions about this.
We are NC except about kid issues - which this sorta is... But more about his personal life which I do NOT want to hear about.
But the bottom line is the boys had fun so I should be fine with this right??

Posts: 475 | Registered: Jun 2012
NotFixable
♀ Member
Member # 41608
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have a big problem with this! For one thing, is he planning to do this with every new girlfriend he gets? If they are serious, that's one thing, but if they aren't I think it's wrong. Kids need stability and don't need to be exposed to his bed-hopping ways. That's just my opinion.


Me-BS
Him-WH
Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
Status: Separated and planning D
___________________________________

Nowhere left to go but up!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ex-asshat was great for that... he'd introduce the bunch to his fiancée-of-the-week on an overnight visit.

Are you divorced yet? Is there anything in an order that says y'all can't do overnights with SOs? If you're still in negotiations, you might want to throw that in there. A lot of us have (I didn't, unfortunately).


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15383 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I wouldn't be fine with that. I would like to know where my children were sleeping too. If you're already D and there is nothing in the decree about overnights, there is nothing in a legal sense that you can do about this. Practically speaking, you can try to at least find out how often he plans on doing this with them and at least find out some information about her like her name and maybe even a phone number in case of emergencies. I would also like to know what other role, if any, she plays in the kids' lives right now. For example, is he planning on letting her pick them up from school and drive them around? I would want to know who is driving my kids around too.

I'm sorry you had to hear about it. It's a shitty situation as it always puts us between a rock and a hard place. I mean, quite honestly, as long as the kids are not being hurt he can spend his time with them the way he wants. I still wouldn't be fine with it and would try to come up with a creative reason to find out at least the basics of what's happening with my kids on his watch.

No matter what the situation or how long it's been since the A and/or the D, I think it will always sting to know that some other woman is hanging around with your children when you thought they would always be with you and the family that you created. Keep moving forward with your healing.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2766 | Registered: Jan 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or maybe I feel weird because he's in a relationship while I'm still heeling. Idk

I understand this part of it. I'm not jealous of the guy who The Princess is banging; I'm jealous that she has found it so easy to move on.

But of course she has: She has been in the process of moving on for the entire marriage. Your ex obviously has had a bit of a head start as well.

BUT, they haven't healed. We're taking the time to heal properly, while they're going out there and fucking everything that moves. There will come a day when we're the ones who have properly moved on, while they're still skipping around from fucktool to fucktool.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1833 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D a year now... Nothing in the decree to have a legal foot to stand on. He'll just do what he will do and I can only intervene if there is a safety issue for my kids (pity moral issues don't count).
I don't think he's bed hopping with kids in tow - he likes to show a front of normal, devoted, family man when there are witnesses- that is his NPD mask, so I'm guessing she is part of his cover to appear normal (at least that turned out to be true for me, when I was his gf / wife).
I kinda feel sorry for her
Wonder if my ex's gf-before-me felt the same way about me (probably)

Posts: 475 | Registered: Jun 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't you have the right to know the physical address where your children are sleeping at night? What if there's an emergency?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you put a GPS tracking thing on your kid's phone? At least you would know the address and could leave all the drama out of it if you "Dared" to ask the X.

Just a thought.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2651 | Registered: Jan 2010
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone
BUT I just realized, ex has been full of patenting/teacher ideas recently (he was a totally non involved dad during M, so again this is his "act") so I know they must be coming from her!!!!
Gawd... Parent your own children lady, and leave mine alone!

Posts: 475 | Registered: Jun 2012
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be livid and probably raise hell.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should talk to a lawyer about limiting or at least being informed of sleepovers at a non-custodial adult's home. Is he with them while they are there or is he leaving them with her? I would have major problems with someone I don't know being responsible for my kids, and mine are teens!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Topic Posts: 11

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