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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ideal treatment for a sick kid?
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had texted The Princess this morning to see what time I will be getting the kids on Thursday. Her response: "I'll see if I can figure that out and get back to you." Because why would I really need to know in advance, after all?

Then she said that 10 is sick today, with a sore throat and congestion, but that she would let me know "what works on him" so that I can stock up before they join me at my parents' farm.

So I sent her a text a few minutes ago asking how 10 is doing. "He says OK."

I asked if he wanted to phone me. "We're at Pizza Pizza and then heading downtown. He can call you later from home."

All this, and they went bowling last night (which I discovered from 13's Facebook update).

Apparently this is how to heal a sick kid: Cart him all over the city with her boyfriend. Rig Pig is only in the city for ten days out of every forty, so she wouldn't want something like a sick kid to spoil their fun. I guess I should just be happy that she is spending time with the kids, instead of just running the roads with Rig Pig, shouldn't I?

She is so fucking stunned. I had no idea how much I was keeping that household reasonable while I was living there. I had always assumed that my depression had me acting like the loose cannon. I'm so pissed off right now that I can't even work. I'm just pacing my apartment (which is also my office), hoping she fucking dies (I don't think that's unreasonable).

I know, I need to detach more, and not contact her so much. These seemed like reasonable contacts to do, but apparently that's not the case. There are no safe levels of contact with that lying, cheating, fucking misery.

Do I sound like I'm calming down at all? I'm typing all of this here instead of telling her.

[This message edited by pass at 1:09 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your son does not have a fever, and is not coughing or sneezing so much that he's in pain, he's ok to go do stuff. My concern in this case would be less for congested kid and more for everyone else in range of coughing and sneezing. Especially at a restaurant (eww!).

FWIW, my kid has serious health problems, and after a negative strep test (because this kid;s strep symptoms are, Mom, my throat hurts a little ), I take him out hiking (not too strenuous, but a couple miles in the woods nonetheless) or similar activities when he has mild cold symptoms. Nothing near other people. Fever, tummy probs, body aches -- staying home and taking it easy.

Not what you wanted to hear, maybe, but that's my Mom Advice.

Now, hauling him around with the POS, that's crappy, I agree!


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 841 | Registered: Sep 2012
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right, StrongerOne: I wanted you to be pissed off too!

Since the day I figured out that she spent our marriage lying, cheating, and treating me like shit, there's really nothing she can do that is right in my opinion.

No contact is really the only way I can keep from getting pissed off at her.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Pass)). You could send your son a text that says, I heard you were sick -- I hope you feel better soon. Include a link to a funny cat video or something like that. I'm thinking that directing your attention to your child, which will make you and your son feel good, will be a good antidote to Princess Poison.

I understand your feelings -- she does so much that's wrong and horrible that it's hard to see when something is ok.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 841 | Registered: Sep 2012
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The texting would have been a good idea, and what I would have done in the first place. Unfortunately, he has been banned from using electronics (deservedly so!) for the last three weeks, and won't get them back until xmas day. So I'm a little isolated from him.

Normally, I would have had the boys here this past weekend (every weekend), but The Princess won't see them for a week and a half while she's on her Cuban fuckfest with Rig Pig. So I didn't even see them this weekend.

I'm looking forward to having all that time with them. I mean, it would be nice if someone wanted to pay for me to have a sexy trip to Cuba, but my boys have two weeks off school (so does she!), and she's only seeing them for a few days. Mother of the fucking year.

[This message edited by pass at 1:44 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not so much no contact, but the type of contact. She's an immature twit so when you ask a reasonable and warranted question, she turns that into her having the upper hand. Hence, the snotty response to your question about when to pick them up.

I would stop all the questions.

I would calm down, see if she gets back to you about Thursday and if she doesn't, let her know you will pick them up at 10 am. That's your day and thats what works for you. If she doesn't want to communicate like an adult, you just make the plans without her input whatsoever.

Instead of asking whether DS wants to call, tell her you will call him at ----- time and that you expect to talk to him to see how he is and what he would like to make him feel better at your house.

She's an ass. She loves the idea of pissing you off and making you pace your apartment. Don't give her anymore of you or your head space. Fuck her!


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2707 | Registered: Jan 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

suckstobeme, I think you've given me this advice before, about directing the questions more (or somebody has), and every time I think, "That's brilliant!"

Then I promptly forget. I think I'm still just not used to thinking of her as the enemy, but that really is what she's become.

It's very good advice. The funny thing is that I have made a concerted effort in my business to communicate that way with people. I mean, how else are you supposed to get what you want, right?

Thanks for keeping at me. Maybe your advice will stick this time?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass, if I had a dollar for every time I didn't heed the advice of others on this board, I'd be rich. You're still relatively new at this. It's hard to let the rational brain take over the heart when it was the other way around for years. You'll get there and one day, you will leave that Princess scratching her head and wondering where that guy who always deferred to her has gone.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2707 | Registered: Jan 2011
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

suckstobeme, I think you've given me this advice before, about directing the questions more (or somebody has), and every time I think, "That's brilliant!"
Then I promptly forget. I think I'm still just not used to thinking of her as the enemy, but that really is what she's become.

I'm still working on my responses to things. I'm really good afterward, but in the moment I have trouble coming up with the right thing to say. One thing that another set of random internet peeps has told me to do is take the response you want, and practice it in the mirror/opening the door/going for a walk/etc. Practice it so much that it becomes ingrained, and it'll come out when you need it to.

It's tough, but we'll get it one of these days.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So here's what happened to "He can call you later from home."

Monday night is my open stage night. I go every Monday, and it starts at 7:00. When it starts, I can't use my phone until 11:00. She knows this.

At 8:04, my phone vibrated. I texted her and said, "At open stage. Can't talk. How's my little boy."

Her response: "Doped up and in bed."

Nice. It took her seven hours to get back to me, and I STILL don't know when my boys are coming on Thursday.

Don't even try to tell me she wasn't punishing me for something or other, by not letting me speak to my boy.

FUcking hate her!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for my favourite NIKism: "they know which buttons to press because they installed the fuckers".

I've had cause to borrow NIKs hammer to kill some undead buttons recently.

Could be ego kibbles, could be torturing you. Could be she just doesn't give a flying fuck and this is how she rolls. My guess is control. At least that is what flavour of fucked up I'm dealing with.

Is there any chance these handovers can be more structured? I have times specified in my agreement so no need for discussion. I don't want to be negotiating anything with that guy if I can avoid it.

I still remember the first time I handed over my sick babies. Just over 2. Ear infection, 40C temps - sleeping on me the entire time. Her sad little face. He had sent her to daycare on a Monday after a miserable weekend where she threw up both nights (from fever). Didn't check her temp. Said she seemed fine. I got the call just after 9am because she was miserable. I burst into tears when I saw her.

Being away from her at that time felt so fucking unnatural I wanted to rip my own skin off. I hated him the most at that time. More than any other time before or since.

Contact him on FB - whatever way you can. I would seriously stop asking her shit about him. Try to get the times locked in so no discussion is required. If that isn't possible then... fuck.... start working towards surrender. This is how it is going to be whether or not we allow it to enrage us or not.

Co-parenting is another planet for me. Parallel parenting is a long-distant memory. Re-parenting is about as good as it gets.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5444 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for my favourite NIKism: "they know which buttons to press because they installed the fuckers".

I've had cause to borrow NIKs hammer to kill some undead buttons recently.

pass - Listen to the nice people. They know of what they speak. And SBB is right on the money with this -

If that isn't possible then... fuck.... start working towards surrender. This is how it is going to be whether or not we allow it to enrage us or not.

You know how to beat a riptide, right? If you fight it straight on, you drown. Instead, you have to change direction and swim parallel to shore to get loose from it's grip.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24438 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a hard time accepting this wisdom - despite knowing that it is indeed wise. I'm finally mad enough to fight and not put up with her shit, and now I have to get along so she doesn't use the boys as a tool against me.

That fucking sucks!

But I guess there's no reason why I should expect this to suddenly be fair, eh?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I WISH my STBXH would be as concerned about his sick kids as you are. Two of my three are fighting colds and running fevers today, but off to dad's place in -0 farenheit temps they go, and apparently off to the library, the movies, and then on to church service.

The best I can hope is that they don't get any worse, and they share their germs with their loving daddy!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1554 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, Gem. Nothing would make me happier than finding out that 10 got The Princess and/or Rig Pig sick before their lovely holiday together.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1698 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 15

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