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Newest Member: iknowiwillbeok (43219)

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User Topic: Affair Season: Memories
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last NYE I was home working and he went to a neighbor's party with the kids. The dog was puking so I was dealing with that between my calls (I'm a triage nurse)...then he brought home our youngest who was puking too, and returned to the festivities.

I worked my tail off that night. If I wasn't helping a scared parent figure out how to manage their vomiting kid, I was cleaning up dog puke or managing my own vomiting kid. I had 10 calls waiting in que the whole night, the house smelled, and the laundry was piling up right before my eyes. It was horrible.

I know now that they had found each other and reconnected on FB (she was an old GF from before we met). They hadn't "graduated" to texting/phone calls yet, but were PMing via FB. I'm sure there were lovey dovey "Happy New Year" messages shared that night...meanwhile I was busting my ass working, trying to keep it together at home -- alone with a sick kid and a sick dog.

Later he would tell her how lazy and unmotivated he thought I was.

I really didn't expect entering to my first "Affair Season" to be so hard.


BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a BS who is dealing with a 15 year super long LTA, I have never really been able to relate to A season. I will say it might be better for me to not have a lot of specific dates, although I know the day they last had sex on - Dec 11. The day we decided to go to disneyland.

But it certainly seems fairly common even with much progress to back side or have harder days as anniversaries approach. Not sure what I can offer other than to say you have been heard and I hope it gets easier for you. I will say days that I know are going to be an issues go easier if I mention it to WW before hand. I also think it is typical that WS do not dwell anywhere close to as much as we do, so a gentle reminder can help.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a BS who is dealing with a 15 year super long LTA, I have never really been able to relate to A season. I will say it might be better for me to not have a lot of specific dates, although I know the day they last had sex on - Dec 11. The day we decided to go to disneyland.

But it certainly seems fairly common even with much progress to back side or have harder days as anniversaries approach. Not sure what I can offer other than to say you have been heard and I hope it gets easier for you. I will say days that I know are going to be an issues go easier if I mention it to WW before hand. I also think it is typical that WS do not dwell anywhere close to as much as we do, so a gentle reminder can help.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right there with you kickboxer. i get really overwhelmed when I think about what was going on this time last year. I have to tell you, I have a really bad case of bah humbug!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

although I know the day they last had sex on - Dec 11

Yea, I feel the same way. My WW and my xBFF (we were friends for over 30 years) had an on again, off again affair that started around July 2012 and ended December 2012.

According to everything I've read (400+ emails and texts) and both their confessions to me, I have been told it was oral sex up until around the first week or second week of December when SHE asked HIM to have unprotected intercourse. According to her he refused to not use a condom.

This was apparently the last time they were together sexually although I know for a fact that she was at his house a couple days before d-day, 22nd December.

As you can imagine, this past year has had a number of "calendar events" in my mind... August when the first got intimate... October when they broke it off... End of November when SHE went looking for him... First weeks of December when they had intercourse and coming up in 4 days, the day I found out and my life fell apart.


D-Day: 22 Dec 2013
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 190 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As is Bikingguy I also must deal with a LTA. So there is no *special* time of year.

The original post struck me though. And brought bad memories of me being at home taking care of kids the pets and the home while WW was out with OM. She was across the country and completely out of touch. Many times staying at a motel (that my wages paid for) or at OMs house or at her mothers house.

There is a feeling of loneliness that goes with those memories. Brings to mind a old rhyme.

Where are you tonight I wonder
And where will you be tonight while I cry
Will the sleep to you come easy
While alone I cannot slumber
And will you bring in the morning
At another ones side.

Its sad. I have no advice. But I can tell you that I feel this in my heart to this very day.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the validation.

Sometimes I just feel these waves of shock and sadness that this the state of our marriage.

I've given up all that I have to become one and build a life with him. My career, my body, my money...all the while, feeling that I was joyfully sacrificing for the greater good of our family.

Meanwhile, he's built a solid reputation for himself in his career, and he'll graduate next year with a 4 year degree to make a career change. He's building a retirement while my position offers no benefits at all. I finished school before we married and was completely self-sufficient...looking back, he got a pretty awesome package if I do say so myself.

And this is what we've become?

I sacrifice everything and give myself wholly to him alone while he built a collection of other women.


BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes it's a season for me too.

He said they had sex 3 times in Nov. but he doesn't remember when exactly.

I remember looking at him on Thanksgiving last year and feeling like I was so in love with him. Now I feel like a fool.

I remember going up to his work and she was there and she went out of her way to see me.

I remember when he wanted me to meet her and she came to our house to hang out and sat really close to him and ignored me.

I remember seeing his phone on Christmas eve and seeing he called her while out getting meds for our son while the family was on vacation at the local waterpark.

Then my birthday is in January and so is her's.

I remember her getting pissed at him because I asked him not to talk to his 'bestie' on my birthday.

I remember him going out to lunch with her for her birthday because I told him I was uncomfortable with it because married men shouldn't go on lunch dates with other women.


Then it will be D Day antiversary 1 in May.

The whole damn year sucks now.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 345 | Registered: May 2013
Daisy312
♀ Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My A season is from october when they started texting, November it became a PA til April. I'm in my second A season, and it's harder for me in a different way. Last year this time I was just trying to survive and cried almost everyday. This year, I'm trying to decide what I really want and feel very lost. I'm trying to make new memories, find myself, live in the moment, and enjoy my kids. It's hard somedays, but other days I almost forget for a few seconds.

Posts: 182 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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