People show emotion in different ways. I have only seen my husband cry once and that was over money. He has said that he cried over this in the presence of his psychiatrist.
ETA (sorry distracted by arguing kids!). I know what you mean, though. I felt like this especially in the early days after DD. He seemed to be more protective of the AP, his reputation, etc. than my feelings. He did not appear to be remorseful…at all. Only sad that he was caught. And his AP was even worse…I have never spoken to her but SAWH said when he told her he confessed, she said "Why did you tell her?" She was concerned only about her reputation than anything else. Not concerned at all about my husband's feelings or my husband dealing with the turmoil in his family/marriage. They are so far in the fog that they can't demonstrate appropriate levels of emotion. But obviously, a person in touch with their own feelings and honest about it would not be having an affair in the first place.