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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Really what an ass
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Angry  Posted: 6:21 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the STBXWH brings my DDs back from the weekend. He tells me what a great weekend they had and because of that they should have a good week with me. Give me a elfin break! (my new Christmas term)
He hands me a thumb drive telling me this is all the financial info he gave his lawyer. He keeps wanting to talk and I just cant wait for him to leave.
So the girls and I sit down for dinner and they start talking about how he wants them to come live with him. About how he told them how unhappy he was in our marriage for a long time, (news to me) and how now he is going to live the life he wanted. About how he wants them to ask him questions too so that they can hear his side of the story. blah blah blah, lies, lies, lies.

So I sit down to look at the financial info and oh my gosh. Really 3 credit cards are missing the new bank acct he moved all our money to is missing. No bills except for garbage pick up, no phone, electric, gas. No accounts with the miles or points. He reduced our assets to nothing and our bills to nothing. Does he really think I am that stupid. Now I have to recreate everything for my lawyers who will then have to ask for the documents since he took all the files. He failed to include all the credit cards he uses when he is with the OW.

Do I really have to deal with all this before Christmas while he spends the week with the OW.
Hopefully next year at this time things will be calmer and he will have moved. I just hope he does not expect my daughters to spend Christmas with him next year. Hopefully he and his whore will start a new tradition and they will go to Mexico each year.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ugh. What an ass, is right!

I hope your girls will ask him tons of questions.

I hope they will come to you with follow up questions when it doesn't ring true. "His side" is full of blame shifting, justification, blame, and trying to make FACTS acceptable.

I find that "is that a good reason to cheat?" or "do you think that makes his choices ok?" a pretty good follow up.

(((Hugs))) I hope you are able to spend some of the holiday NOT dealing with his BS.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So does their accounts with getting motel points count as marital assets? Even if is with the company they are working for?


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My lawyer says they are and the airline miles are from a credit card we used for everything to save for a trip to Hawaii. The hotel points were from work but by me being a SAHM he was able to travel as much as he did so I would argue they are. I guess that will be something we argue over. but hey why not!


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is frustrating, but generally expected. You know the drill - as long as your attorney has the CORRECT info you're all good.

BTW....my XWH ignored points, and it worked out in my favor because I kept the card.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Second question here, same story.
How do I ask him to stop telling our DDs how unhappy he was in our whole marriage. He is tainting every single memory the girls have of our family together with his lies and false memories. I get that is how he wants to remember it but why the hell does he need to change their memories too.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry. Your stbx is an ass ! My stbx did the same stuff. She told the kids mommy and daddy fought a lot.! Well no crap you were cheating and exiting the marraige for two years !!! They all want to lie or tell half truths lies of ommoission.

I gave my children an analogy. I told them" do you love your brother and sister?" they said yes , so I asked " do you and your brother or sister argue?" they said yes all the time. I said ok " what happens after?" they said we say sorry and hug . I said " good " then I ask " do you think you can get rid of your brother or sister?" or get a new one?" they said no. I left it at that. They will hopefully remember and understand this one day. I pray

The rewrite of history is common. But he should not be talking to the kids like that at any age , asking them to choose and giving false hope. Good luck and stay strong.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a book that some people recommend when one parent starts badmouthing and trying to turn the kids against another parent. I believe it is called "Divorce Poison". You really should check it out because he is NOT going to stop with the lies to your kids. You have to be open and honest with them, let them know that they can ask you anything and you will answer honestly and most of all don't let the lies stand. You stick to the truth and if necessary get them in counseling. Keep posting with questions. There are others here that have gone down this path and they can help you out.

ETA: You can't control him but you can control what your kids hear and see when they are with you.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:03 AM, December 16th (Monday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 8

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