I wish I could just move on like STBXPOS. At this point there is NOTHING that could ever make me take him back. NOTHING. I am at a point where I HATE him. NC, separation, and distance from him have brought me such clarity about everything but having 4 kids w/the POS means at some level I have to deal w/him and every single time causes me so much pain. I wish he'd just go away. After all the pain he has caused me and his own kids I truly feel they would be better off w/out him, not to mention I fear they will have learned to behave like him - manipulate, lie, cheat, abuse... this terrifies me and I wish I could shield them from this horror.
He destroyed his marriage and the family unit. And he gets to walk around smearing me, lying, and making people feel sorry for him. When I run into people who I know he's manipulated/lied about me and they give me that "look" or cold shoulder I want to SCREAM are you kidding me??? All I've ever done is take care of absolutely everything, be a good mom + all responsibility for kids, work my ass off, and cater to the POS - but they believe his bullshit and it is SO VERY frustrating. And where is he now you dumbasses??? Is he / does he do ANYTHING to take care of his kids?? No, he's living the single life - no responsibilities and now no guilt cause he's always lived like that, just now he doesn't have to come home and look at his family and feel the guilt (never real remorse cause he's admitted the cheating NEVER stopped).
And now the horror of the emotional/verbal abuse POS inflicted on the kids for the last year is coming out. And I am here dealing w/it. Trying to help my kids deal w/their pain. Trying to clean up the damage he left in his wake. And he says to me "well that's why I'm working on myself now and the damage isn't permanent" WTF??? WTF??? And yet there are people (former MUTUAL friends) who buy his bullshit and rally around him "oh poor, poor POS". The reality is these people are small in number - and character, clearly, as they know about all of his cheating but it still drives me crazy. And it makes me angry. And it hurts. And it's not fair. STBXPOS gets to inflict all this damage and then gets to just move on.
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
He destroyed his marriage and the family unit. And he gets to walk around smearing me, lying, and making people feel sorry for him.
Yes, they are assholes. Most people with common sense and are not a cheater themselves will know this.
No it isn't fair at all. I am in a similar situation and it does hurt. One day, when my kids are both in college I will move away and that will help me start fresh and be away from the smear campaign effects.
But, in the meantime, I ignore all those people that fall for his crap. If they are that stupid or weak, good riddance.
I pray a lot, and work on myself, and try to find "the lesson" I am to learn from all of this.
I try to live my life with love and care and hope one day both my kids will choose my way of life instead of what they have seen from FT.
I am sorry this is so hard for you.
So many times I wanted to text his friend that WH and I were living a normal married life and if we were having marital problems it was news to me!
@ruby44 - I have outed every affair in the past (even called several of the OW's) and was met w/his anger, rage, blame, etc. And then I always took him back. After Dday#4 in August I kicked him out and he never got back in (despite his repeated attempts at false R and rugsweeping) but did not "tell" many people this time. Part of it was my own embarrassment, shame, humiliation at this happening yet again. Even though this time I KNEW I was done I was just so embarrassed. He has taken advantage of this and used it to his benefit to smear me and blame me for marriage "problems" and basically absolve himself of any wrongdoing. Just another shit sandwich he's feeding me. I have started to correct people when they ask. I thought I would be ok w/whatever because those who know me would know better but the truth is it bothers me way more than I thought it would this time and it also makes me feel like he just "got away w/it" yet again. And I am sick of it.
Thank you all for the hugs. I really need them right now. I have found that whenever anyone IRL hugs me right now (and LOTS of people want to do this and I appreciate it) it makes me cry
People who believe their lies aren't worth the heartache. They'll either find out the truth on their own, or they're POSs themselves.
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.
The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.