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Newest Member: LoveBetrayed (45355)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to get my wife back?
scooterp23
♂ New Member
Member # 41585
Stop  Posted: 7:09 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new here and have enjoyed reading the posts. I have been in counseling for a month now and it has opened my eyes up to what I was feeling deep down in my darkest places of my self. I have come to the realization that I choose to cheat and it had nothing to do with my wife. For many years, I told myself she wasn't wanting or needing me and used those excuses to go out and find other women to pad my selfish and inflated ego.

My horrible and devastating behavior has been going on for 7 years now. I have moved in and out of our family home a few times during the time feeling that the other woman was the greener side of the pasture for me but in reality, it was the furtherest thing from the truth.

The wife and I got a divorce in 2010 and got back together. I didn't learn my lesson from the divorce and she took me back and I continued my destructive behavior. In June of this year, I moved out and now live by myself but have gone back and forth between my wife and another woman. After being in counseling, I have realized beyond a shadow of doubt that the wife is the only woman for me and I have been lying to myself over the past seven years trying to search for something that was in front of me the whole time.

I have come here because I need help cause I really want to make this work with the wife and start a new chapter of our life together. I want to wipe the slate clean and let the past be the past and move forward into our future we have talked so passionately about in past conversations. However, the last time I left she said there would be no coming back and she had no feelings for me anymore. I'm lost on what I need to do because her actions speak a different thing than her words even though she says she has a boyfriend. For example: (1) a week ago today, she was sick and asked me to come take care of her and I did for the whole day, (2) she still allows me to come wash clothes at the house, (3) she calls me randomly asking questions that my kids could call and ask me, and there are other incidents that have taken place since she said the things she said to me.

I am here asking and seeking help….I really want her back and be the man I know I can be to her and love her the way I know I can…..Please help a broken man!!!!


Scooter Prince

Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Mississippi
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to SI!
Check out the healing library. Good reads there!

Sounds like you really put her through the ringer. Not judging, we all put ours spouses through hell.

Does she know that you were having an affair?
Was it the same person every time, or did you have multiple AP's?


I want to wipe the slate clean and let the past be the past and move forward into our future

Not a good idea. If she does take you back, you have to deal with your betrayal together.
Trying to force it behind you will cause a lot of damage, gotta go through it, not around it.

My best advice to you is to heal yourself. Keeping going to IC. Do the hard work, the soul searching. It can be hard, but it is worth it.

I have no advice on how to get your wife back. She really may be done, She may not.
Whatever her choice, eventually you're going to have to accept it.

It sounds as if she's given you a lot of chances, What are you going to do differently if she gives you another?

What are you going to do if she doesn't?


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
scooterp23
♂ New Member
Member # 41585
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broevil,

Thanks for the reply….

I did put her through the ringer and have been so shameful and remorseful for it since getting help from my counseling. During my affairs, I was living in a fantasy world and allowed my ego and selfish desires to get the best of me.

Yes, she found out about the affairs and it was with different women.

When I say wipe the slate clean, I'm referring to after we and if we can get past my devilish behaviors and pain I caused her.

Yes, she has given me a lot of chances and I have screwed them all up but if she was to give me one more opportunity, I would make sure she was my top priority by showing her the needed attention, affection, and love she deserves from me. I would do anything she asked me to do without hesitation and be there emotionally for her. I would take everyday to appreciate her and make sure she felt she was my equal.

If by chance, she decides to move on and not allow me back..I would move on and try to be better for the next woman in my life by taking the mistakes I made with my wife and learn from them and not put another woman through this endless pain, deception, and heartache.


Scooter Prince

Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Mississippi
mitehvblonitpa
♂ Member
Member # 23291
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi
I am sorry to hear about what you did. Something stood out though and I just wanted to give you my perspective of me. You titled your post How do I get my wife back? I had to realize I could not get my wife back. I had to show her that things were different and that I really was the person she fell in love with but that I had a disease. Even if it had not been a disease. I would have to own what I did and she would need to in her own time decide that our life as a couple was worth trying and trusting again. We are now over 4.5 years down the road and it gets rocky sometimes. I need to hold on and roll with the rough seas and not look to find an easy way out. I hope you find a way to show her who you are and that if it was meant to be it will. so good luck.
GH


FWH SA-me (61)
BW-her (48)
Married 18 years
Together 17 years
4 wonderful kids-21, 15, 12, 9
D-day after D-day after D-day seriously I can not count them .....I feel like OJ heck what's one more stab wound

Posts: 184 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: PA
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm referring to after we and if we can get past my devilish behaviors and pain I caused her.

That can take a loooooong time.

I would move on and try to be better for the next woman in my life by taking the mistakes I made with my wife and learn from them and not put another woman through this endless pain, deception, and heartache.

What about for you? You can't heal for others. You can't get better for your wife, or another woman. Well you can try, but I doubt those changes will stick.

It has to be for you.
If You don't want the changes, sincerely want them, they won't last.


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
scooterp23
♂ New Member
Member # 41585
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am trying to show her I am a different man and a changing man. Up until a month ago, I was so against going to therapy for my deep seeded issues but since going to therapy, I have realized I haven't been happy with myself for a long time and it is helping me see why I wasn't happy.

Today, I inserted church back into my life. I have finally realized I do not want to go on the path I was on anymore. I want to be the man I know I can be in my heart. I am better than I have been showing and those actions are not me


Scooter Prince

Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Mississippi
Topic Posts: 6

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