I have said to him - Really? Really, truly? Though there was no indication of it, you admit you never discussed it with AP, and you were just going to let it die a natural death when your schedules changed and she wouldn't be working the same time as you? What if AP made the effort to keep things going and overcome the work schedule issue? What about all the smutty emails that you can send/ received from anywhere? Why didn't you take the perfect opportunity to end things when I almost caught you 2 weeks prior to Dday, then?
He holds to his answer. He was gonna passively let it die "a natural death". He realized it wasn't helping anything, and did not want to continue.
Sounds like bullsh*t to me! but why cling to it if there are so many worse things I already know?
I know others have experienced this/said this to their BS. Can anyone offer any insight here?
Put it this way. I am going to lose those stupid 10lbs. I haven't started eating better or working out more. But I'm going to lose them. Even though I am "thinking about" losing those 10 lbs (and our WS's might actually be "thinking about" breaking up with the OW) I haven't yet, nor made the effort to, lose the weight. Neither had our WS's. So even if they were "going to" end it, it really doesn't matter BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T. Period.
My fWS said the same thing. I was going to leave her. Mind you, I caught them in the act at her house on DDay #2. So, it doesn't matter that he was "going to". Because in that moment he was still screwing her.
Sure he was. That's why he initiated emails and texts. That's why he also continued fishing for new whores a month before D-Day.
It's all part of them saying what they think we want to hear because the truth sucks.
Their thinking and their actions do not align. I believe that only actions count.
Jjsr- yup, B.S.
niave one- I think for my WH this is exactly how it was. He " intended to." Somehow, someday, without an actual plan, right. Or maybe he just needed to believe he was going to do the right thing to convince himself that he wasn't a conscienceless black hole.
Dreamland, LivinginLimbo, and seenow - what see now said - his actions did not match his words. But somehow I should believe him "because he says so."
He didn't see the EA part of it as the actual 'affair' part of it at the time. If he could just keep getting the attention he wanted from her without actually 'cheating', then he would have been happy to keep it going forever, probably.
I think in the end he self-destructed, and he wanted to get caught. He couldn't possibly have been more reckless about it. He was relieved when he could finally stop juggling all the lies.
Mine said she stopped it twice, and she would have again and told me if I had just waited a couple more months, so by "discovering it", I was making her want him more (can't forget the blameshift there).
If you stopped it twice what's stopping you from restarting it? It's moronic. It's an empty rationalization after the fact.