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User Topic: U got caught, but you were gonna end it anyway!
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is what my WH said to me on and after Dday, and it is an obstacle I can't get past.

I have said to him - Really? Really, truly? Though there was no indication of it, you admit you never discussed it with AP, and you were just going to let it die a natural death when your schedules changed and she wouldn't be working the same time as you? What if AP made the effort to keep things going and overcome the work schedule issue? What about all the smutty emails that you can send/ received from anywhere? Why didn't you take the perfect opportunity to end things when I almost caught you 2 weeks prior to Dday, then?

He holds to his answer. He was gonna passively let it die "a natural death". He realized it wasn't helping anything, and did not want to continue.

Sounds like bullsh*t to me! but why cling to it if there are so many worse things I already know?

I know others have experienced this/said this to their BS. Can anyone offer any insight here?


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 499 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like B.S. because it is. I am sorry


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's BS.

Put it this way. I am going to lose those stupid 10lbs. I haven't started eating better or working out more. But I'm going to lose them. Even though I am "thinking about" losing those 10 lbs (and our WS's might actually be "thinking about" breaking up with the OW) I haven't yet, nor made the effort to, lose the weight. Neither had our WS's. So even if they were "going to" end it, it really doesn't matter BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T. Period.


My fWS said the same thing. I was going to leave her. Mind you, I caught them in the act at her house on DDay #2. So, it doesn't matter that he was "going to". Because in that moment he was still screwing her.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 207 | Registered: Aug 2013
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man my FWH said the same thing. He still says that to this day.. That is was dying. Really that's why you fucked her in my car and left another condom that I found the next day..
Assholes. I will never get the whole truth.., he says they didn't do it but the condom feel out of his pocket. That's why it was near the shift gear. BULLSHIT


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not only did my FWH say this, he actually stated he was relieved I found out as he'd been trying to break it off and get out of that lifestyle.

Sure he was. That's why he initiated emails and texts. That's why he also continued fishing for new whores a month before D-Day.

It's all part of them saying what they think we want to hear because the truth sucks.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1026 | Registered: Mar 2012
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, mine was trying to push her back to her husband so she would leave him alone. Not once did he not pick up her call or refuse the dates she planned. He was protecting his secret he said by keeping her under control. He was trapped and wanted out but was her hero whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on.

Their thinking and their actions do not align. I believe that only actions count.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 291 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They think they are original, but so many of them say the exact same thing!!

Jjsr- yup, B.S.

niave one- I think for my WH this is exactly how it was. He " intended to." Somehow, someday, without an actual plan, right. Or maybe he just needed to believe he was going to do the right thing to convince himself that he wasn't a conscienceless black hole.

Dreamland, LivinginLimbo, and seenow - what see now said - his actions did not match his words. But somehow I should believe him "because he says so."


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 499 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H, too. He didn't get 'caught', except that the infidelity caught up with him when OW got pregnant. He told me he had wanted to end it, was trying to end it. I believe him - although I don't believe he wanted to end it because he hated what he was doing to me/us. I genuinely think he probably wanted to end it after the 2nd/3rd time of having sex with her. He didn't want the attention to stop - but he wanted the sex to stop because he didn't like that she had power over him, leverage or control in his life. That kind of defeated the whole purpose of having something on the side. He didn't want to have to deal with the emotions of another woman, he didn't want drama, he didn't want consequences; he just wanted to be served and serviced.

He didn't see the EA part of it as the actual 'affair' part of it at the time. If he could just keep getting the attention he wanted from her without actually 'cheating', then he would have been happy to keep it going forever, probably.

I think in the end he self-destructed, and he wanted to get caught. He couldn't possibly have been more reckless about it. He was relieved when he could finally stop juggling all the lies.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like they all read off the same script.

Mine said she stopped it twice, and she would have again and told me if I had just waited a couple more months, so by "discovering it", I was making her want him more (can't forget the blameshift there).

If you stopped it twice what's stopping you from restarting it? It's moronic. It's an empty rationalization after the fact.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 710 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Topic Posts: 9

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