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Newest Member: What2do2014 (44300)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Does Experience of "Stepping Out" Run in Families?
tammyjean100
♀ Member
Member # 28159
Helpless  Posted: 1:01 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What, did I pass on my trust, gullibility, desire to completely believe in others to my DS?

Well, at first glance, I should hope so. But a bit of personal vermilitude might be in order.

My belief in the goodness of people has certainly changed. There are many who take advantage and are selfish as the proverbial day is long. But there are many who are deeply caring. The people I love close to me, not many, but a few, are caring and deeply loving. People with whom I work are caring, incredibly smart human beings.

Thing is, one can love and care, but when The Signs are there... wake up and smell the burning carpet. It stinks.

My DS's girlfriend got new job, then adult, disabled brother who was abandoned by both parents, came to live with them. The GF stopped communicating with me. Didn't want anyone to come to her school graduation, even tho we'd talked of a party. She is out late, overnight, doesn't come home when expected. Keeps saying that boss asks her at last minute to stay over, or to do more work. Got new phone number recently. Told everyone 'cept DS that her Bro would be living with them for at least a year if not permanently; DS only found out when firehouse colleagues said something. She has refused to allow me or F-Nuttz to help find a case manager for the Bro, even tho all he does for past two months is sit on sofa all day and play games. Sweet young man, but desparately needs help.

I am suspicious of course. Old desire to do detective work rearing its ugly heads. I know I have to say something soon. I waited to call the F-Nuttz's GF's partner, and was sorry I did.

But this is much harder, impossible to say how hard. DS has lost in love dept many times, been hurt, and drinks, suffers from depression.

Now what? I actually feel physically ill.

Heeeeellllpppp!!!!!!!!!!


You can't overcome anything without facing it. Betty Ford

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Capital District, New York
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know for sure if "stepping out" runs in families, but there once was a Dr. Oz show where he talked about how there was a genetic connection to infidelity.

In my case:
XH cheated on me, and his 1st wife
XFIL cheated on XMIL
XH's uncle cheated on his aunt
XBIL's wife cheated on him
XSIL had an affair with a married OM and had an OC
XH's niece cheated on her H and had an OC

In my XWH's family, I'd say that yes, it runs in his family.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's more about the lack of boundaries that may follow. I mean if you have been raised in a family with little boundaries or never been called on your bad behaviour that may become an issue.

My exwh is a serial cheater, he was the OC.
His bio father is a serial cheater. My mil had an exit affair.


I just pray I can instil enough boundaries and respect in our children to not follow that same path.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 3

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