My reply: WH...you're a good dad, especially with the fun stuff...but you are in no way prepared to handle what's coming in her life...questions about menstruation, sex, shaving, inserting a tampon, hormones, PMS, shopping for clothes, bra fittings, vaginal discharge, slumber parties (because no parent will want their little girl at a single man's house)...I could go on and on. DD is not ever going to be comfortable coming to you with these types of issues. It makes sense for her to be with her mother...work with me here WH...Every weekend lets you continue to do what you've always done-the fun stuff...and it lets me continue to do what I've always done-all the dentist appts, doctor visits, clothes shopping, school shopping, haircuts, thank you cards, birthday parties, picking out deodorant, Christmas shopping, talks about crushes she has...etc...all the mom stuff.
Why is he fighting me on this??? Does he not have to pay child support if we split custody?? Is that what it is? Because he's never wanted to be this involved in her life. WTF??
Your atty needs to get on this.
My XWH asked for the same, because they pay ALOT less in child support, then once the fun wears off, the dads get them less and less and then you are stuck with no money coming in, and having to file to get more child support.
Do an online search for alabama child support calculator and see what he will pay if he gets week on week off vs every other weekend.
If you can, you need to get no overnights with girlfriends and you get the first right of refusal if he isn't available to have the kids due to work,etc. You never know WHO your xh will be dating in the future.
Does he not have to pay child support if we split custody?
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!!
CS will either be eliminated or drastically reduced if you have 50/50 custody. Next time he brings it up tell him strait out "The only reason you want joint custody is because you do not want to pay CS. You care more about money that what is best for DD!"
And also start to document how much time he currently spends with DD and what he currently does for her as far as day-to-day care. Sit down and write a short essay of his involvement up to this point. Be honest. (always take the high road when D a WS). Make sure your date it and state that these are your recollections. And then start keeping a weekly or even daily journal (or write on a calendar) all of his contact and all of his involvement. Document the good and the bad, just be consistent.
It will risk CS so maybe you'll have to push spousal support, but you could argue he adopted her under false pretenses. He had cheated and intended to cheat again but adopted her to convince you to remain M.
He's using her to manipulate you. Unless having him influence her is worth what you would get for CS, I'd say you have a get out of jail free card compared to some parents who have to keep their warped XSs in their children's lives...even after abuse, neglect and so on.
[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 8:46 PM, December 6th (Friday)]
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣
You do not discuss custody with him. You do not discuss child support with him. You don't discuss diddly squat with him. It all goes through your lawyer. Please. I'm begging you.
You're going to screw yourself and your daughter if you keep this up.
Plenty of wonderful parents on this board have children of the opposite gender and do a bang-up job raising them. Fathers of daughters and mothers of sons.
Keep on fighting the good fight!!
[This message edited by WorldTraveler23 at 10:09 PM, December 6th (Friday)]
WorldTraveler: I meant no disrespect regarding the gender thing...And I absolutely know that parents of any gender can parent children of any gender!! I mentioned it to WH because it's a button that I KNOW I can push with him, since he is very uncomfortable with puberty and all that comes with it. When I told him DD asked me about when she would finally get a larger chest, because she "kinda wanted them" WH looked as anxious as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs...His only response was to tell me to just deal with all of that "stuff" and not tell him. I was hoping the text, with its overt emphasis on issues related to the female reproductive system, would help him see that he really isn't prepared to do this and, more so, that he doesn't really want to. He likes being the softball dad on Saturdays, but that's where his involvement with DD ends.