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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This can't be normal
strawblond30
♀ Member
Member # 6263
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so mt ex has been on match. Com since July and has had at least 9 women since and going strong. Now I know he must not of even loved me or took a second to mourn 20 yrs together. But I think it's gross & nasty and not normal for a 40 year old man to be hooking up so much. No morals . This can't be normal.


Me 39, EX H 40 married 17 years infidelity on both parts . He a serial cheater. I cheated for revenge and ran home to brag. Or make Him mad. He confessed to more affairs after that. We are now divorced living apart . 3 children

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: illinois
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"has had" or has gone out with as in first dates?

Whether this is normal or not... I couldn't say, sounds like he is out to prove something to himself, or maybe he is SA... but I think your focus on it is only going to hurt you. I know my X didn't stop to mourn the marriage either (31 years) but that is his problem. He is terrified to be alone - I'd go as far as saying that he seems to feel that he ceases to exist when he is alone, no one to draw a personality from...? IDK That's not healthy either but it is not my problem anymore.

Keep moving forward StrawBlond. I understand looking back over your shoulder and scratching your head. But putting energy into figuring out your X's malfunction - is wasted effort...

((strawblond))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4099 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
strawblond30
♀ Member
Member # 6263
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your right it's such a waste of my time.


Me 39, EX H 40 married 17 years infidelity on both parts . He a serial cheater. I cheated for revenge and ran home to brag. Or make Him mad. He confessed to more affairs after that. We are now divorced living apart . 3 children

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: illinois
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello from another former BW whos wxh had multiple OW. There were three I had proof of in the final year of the marriage. There are some I didn't have proof and even some craigslist ads for hooking up with men. I just wanted to say you are not alone.
The 'why' part of all of this is part of the grieving process in my opinion. You may just want to make sense of it all because it is all disgusting and hard to grasp why he would behave like that.
Eventually you get to a point where you have enough. I may never know the whole truth but I had *enough*.
To me one OW might be a mistake and something we could have worked through if he were genuinely remorseful. While it is possible for a serial offender to change, it is just really unlikely that he or she would change. That was my *enough*.

Ok, I see you have been on here awhile so maybe my explanation doesn't apply. If you're asking why he is going on a lot of dates since the divorce from a long term marriage, who knows. Do yourself a favor and stop following him stop the checking, and this will help you stop caring. Put that effort into improving yourself. He no longer matters. Side point if he's not married or in a committed relationship and these women are also single and everyone is of legal age it's no one's business.
I did feel replaced and couldn't understand after that long term marriage how wxh could just be like a trapeze performer from long term marriage right into another one. That was puzzling! but now feel indifferent about it.


Posts: 4610 | Registered: Dec 2009
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

normal people do not do these types of things.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 5

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