For me, I get rid of that stuff, and I NEVER communicate again. To me it feels like emotional dilution for the person you are with, not fair to them, and leaves them feeling unsafe. I have read on an OLD dating site questionnaire that many folks are cool with a potential SO even going on a "date" with an old flame should they be visiting outa town . That would never work for me, and curious what the folks of SI have to say about my questions. I'm of the belief that if you expect 100% of me and my heart, I expect 100% from you... Thanks!
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
I am not cool anymore. With any of it.
As far as burning old EX pictures and letters. I've kept all mine in a box and I won't be burning it. I want to be able to review it in 20-30 years when my perspective will be different. I regret throwing out old journals from my childhood out of a desire to 'let go of the past'. Now I wish I had them to have more concrete evidence of my thinking way back then. I don't remember so well. By the same token I will keep a box of Ex for distant future ruminations.
My current husband was married twice before meeting me and he has no pics of any of his ex wives. He does however have an album from his teen/military days which includes pictures of his high school girlfriend. I dont mind that he has this but if he looked at it on a weekly basis I would be bothered. This same high school girlfriend he is in still contact with because he does side work for her father who owns and rents many homes and she is the financial coordinator. So he speaks to her on a weekly basis which does rub me the wrong way but I try to keep in perspective. I have met her and she is extremely overweight and unattractive so logically it shouldnt bother me, but it does and he knows it. I guess that comes with being a BS, you are always on guard.
I think it depends on personal experience. I have very close male friends 20+ years married now and the person I am dating I hope would be ok if I went to dinner with just them. Their wives are ok with it- I have been around a long time- married but still no issue. Honestly I would pick my friends they have been there a long time and I would like to think he would understand and be ok. If not there is no way I am giving them up.
I think it really depends on the nature of a relationship. For me if I have to worry then something else is going on.
I wouldn't be okay with SO going out to lunch with an old gf. There's no reason for that to happen. We can all go together.
I'm more of a "cut all ties" person too. I think it is "too dangerous" to stay in touch with people you used to have feelings for. I think it shows weak boundaries. Plus, I wouldn't want to upset my current partner, or give them something to worry about.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 11:11 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)]
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks