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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: is it a dealbreaker if your boyfriend ignores your b-day?
Wipedout
♀ Member
Member # 23300
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you've been dating a guy for awhile and it's your birthday would you expect at least a "Happy birthday"? I'm not expecting a gift, flowers, or anything like that, but an acknowledgement of my birthday would be nice. This happened last year and I didn't say anything because we had not been dating that long, but it still bothered me, well, it was my birthday a few days ago and no birthday wish or facebook post or anything. It is making me think about ditching him. It bothers me. I'm not looking to "settle" for someone.


me: 48 and free at last as of October 21, 2011 - independence day! I never thought I would say that I am happy to be divorced - happy is not the right word - ecstatic to be divorced describes me.
XH - Doesn't matter anymore.
Son 17
Daughter 12

Posts: 585 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Texas
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesnt hurt to ask him why he hasnt wished you a happy birthday... It may be because of religious reasons...


Make Everyday Count..
Divorced

Posts: 1724 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wouldn't work for me. It would be a dealbreaker because I assume that he knew it was your birthday AND that he's not a Jehovah's Witness (they don't observe birthdays, but they also don't keep their faith a secret and you would have known this about him already).


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8791 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

definitely a deal breaker.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 660 | Registered: Mar 2008
Wipedout
♀ Member
Member # 23300
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not a religious issue. He's almost 50 and never been married, has no kids, and I think a little self centered as he has no one else to think about. I know that he looks at my facebook page - there were lots of birthday wishes. You know, it just kind of hurt my feelings and makes me question continuing to invest my time with him.


me: 48 and free at last as of October 21, 2011 - independence day! I never thought I would say that I am happy to be divorced - happy is not the right word - ecstatic to be divorced describes me.
XH - Doesn't matter anymore.
Son 17
Daughter 12

Posts: 585 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Texas
LeftBehind08
♀ Member
Member # 38705
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my ex-husband never remembered my birthday (and because of the date -- there are reminders everywhere that it is coming). At first I blew it off, but growing up in a family were a person's birthday was hugely important, it became a constant downer for me. I tried buying my own gifts & reminders for him, but nothing worked. I tell you all this because I thought it wasn't a dealbreaker and what I found was it was a HUGE dealbreaker and if I had followed my gut, I would have addressed it immediately.

Knowing that some people just aren't into birthdays...This is the question for you -- are you willing to not celebrate your birthday ever again (I say this as he may forget again) with BF? If you are cool with it --then it is not a deal breaker.


Sometimes it's lonely, Sometimes it's only me & the shadows that fill this room...
But it's a great day to be alive & the sun still shines when I close my eyes ~Travis Tritt

Posts: 68 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wipeout

Why are you even asking this question? Time for a talk with yourself on why you think he is still an option when he knows/knew it was your birthday and ignored it.

Your bar is supposed to be raised not lowered after your pass experience.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its not about being into birthdays, its an expression of happiness and joy for someone on a day that makes them special. Yes its a deal breaker, maybe he doesn't like someone else to have any attention. Is he emotionally unavailable in other situations? Ask him straight out, no games, no excuses, a year is an awful long time to be with someone and not know about his thoughts on birthdays.

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its not about being into birthdays, its an expression of happiness and joy for someone on a day that makes them special

^^^This. It shows a lack of willingness to make you feel special. In my opinion, it's time to dump that chump.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is it a dealbreaker if your boyfriend ignores your b-day?

I had this same issue. How is he overall? Is he thoughtful? Kind? Considerate?

Or self-centered?

Does he expect you to fuss over his birthday? If so, I'd kick him to the curb. Don't lower your standards if this sort of thing is a habit of his.


Posts: 455 | Registered: Jul 2008
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh...and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Posts: 455 | Registered: Jul 2008
notsosureanymore
♂ Member
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Belated Birthday!!! It was just my birthday Too! I had my three sons with me. No cake no ice cream no presents, no wife :(
Yep, a boyfriend should have taken you out on the town if it was possible. Hell if I had a girlfriend I would have made breakfast lunch and dinner and at least 3 deserts . Maybe you should ask him wth? really? did you really forget my birthday?

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, happy birthday to you!

My birthday was one week ago. ex-asshat never did anything for my birthday. Ever. My SO (dating since June, exclusive since late September) helped celebrate the night with me and my friends and gave me a very sweet (not expensive), meaningful gift. I loved it all. And yes, I would have been hurt if my birthday went by with no acknowledgement of it at all from him. I don't expect marching bands and diamonds or anything... just something that says he's thinking of me. That's worth millions to me.

I think it would be good to have a conversation with your SO about this. Maybe birthdays aren't important to him so it didn't occur to him to do anything? It's definitely worth talking about. Once you know how each other feels about this, you'll know what you want to do.

Good luck!


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15280 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First and foremost......Happy Belated Birthday!!!

As to your question - it would be a dealbreaker for me. You've dated for over a year, he knew it was your birthday, and he ignored it.

I would view it as a big red flag and feel that he was an inconsiderate dolt. I'm tired of inconsiderate dolts, and I'm sure you are too. You deserve at least a card and a big hug & kiss on your special day. If he couldn't even pull that off.....he's not a keeper. Even if his religion doesn't acknowledge birthdays, it's not YOUR religion and he should have had enough consideration for YOU to make you feel kinda special. I think he was rude, in fact. Dump him.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy B-Day!!!!

Yes, def a deal breaker. It's your special day & he can't even be bothered to acknowledge it? Nope, nope, nope.

Hell, I do more than that for casual acquaintances. (I'm a bartender, so I make alot of crazy BD drinks)


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 634 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!!!

Yes definitely a deal breaker as I view it as the tip of the iceberg to a person's self centeredness (not wishing you happy birthday... Not wishing you congratulation on a sucess... Not offering you support when you are down.... Not helping when you are sick... BUT I'm guessing he'd demand you gave him all that.
raise your bar!


Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2012
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!

What are his actions like on a daily basis? Does he celebrate other holidays? Is your birthday something that is important to you (which is understandable)?

I ask because post divorce I have ran into so many people and experiences that are different. I will say keep it simple. If he is caring and loving and your birthday is not significant to you let it go. If it is then let him know you were hurt that you as a couple did not celebrate your birthday. It could be why he is single - he either tried to think of something and freaked out or he doesn't have a clue but cares so when you make it known he has the opportunity to get it.

The think is I agree with you so at the end of the day if this and his other actions do not match up you may want to consider dating someone else. If you do care for him give him the chance.

I also learned that people can be great but not what I need emotionally and it is ok

[This message edited by fireproof at 3:04 AM, November 30th (Saturday)]


Posts: 671 | Registered: Jul 2012
eyenight
♀ Member
Member # 39488
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. the last guy i was dating (we were exclusive but not yet bf/gf) got me a card and flowers and cake.
it show me he cared.
your guy not si much

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jun 2013
shatteredheart
New Member
Member # 14023
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would definitely be a deal breaker for me. I think your bf should have gotten you a card at the very least and/or gotten you a cake or something.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Mar 2007
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If He Didn't Care Enough To Wish You A Happy Birthday, I'm Sure He's About To Give You More Huge Red Flags, If He Hasn't Already. He's Insensitive At A Minimum. Ummm, Yeah Dealbreaker. Btw STBXH Waa Also Very Selfish And Insensitive. In 9 Years, He Only Remembered My Very Last Birthday Because I Was About To Walk Out On Him.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 34
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