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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: i am in shock
evelina76
New Member
Member # 41472
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont even know where to beging. my husband had a one year affair with one of our co-workers whom i thought was also a friend. I know her husband we all hang out at company paties, i had been to her house, i cooked for her baby shower, her son played football for my husband team one year. And then all of the sudden i started to see a huge difference in their behabior. it started on facebook, He could not post anything long enough and she was always the first one to like or comment, he would be up all hours of the night posting stuff and all ofg the sudden she was up as well either liking his comments or posting on them. Long story short my husband started not answering his phone,the posts about me, us and our marriage became non existant, and at one point he even blocked me off his facebook page. every time he took off she did as well, if he tookun a half day so did she, it got to the point where i confronted him and he denied it all. we were goint to marriage counselling and he just made me feel like i was loosing my mind.he admited to an innapropriate friendship behind my back but nothing else. it wasnt until i foud an inbox on facebook that i decided to confront him and i had enough. since then he broke it off, blocked her off facebook,changed his cell # and i have the facebook passaword as well. but i am destroyed beyond words.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: new jersey
NJdadof4
New Member
Member # 40817
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you're going through this. Not that it will make you feel better, but most stories here are nearly identical. Hang in there. Stay calm and visit this site often. It will bring you much comfort. You are not alone.


I meant it when I said for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others until death do we part.

Me: BH, 46
Her: WW, 43
Married 2005
DD1: 8/18/2013
DD2: 11/22/2013


Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: NJ
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Evelina76. Welcome to this place of healing and help. First of all, I suggest that you look at the Articles in the Healing Library (the link is in the box on the upper left hand corner of every page) I'm sure there will be articles there that will be helpful for you. There is much wisdom and support here. I'm glad your husband has come forward with the truth, blocked the other woman on facebook etc. There may be more he can do to help you recover from this horrible news. Perhaps going back to marital therapy is an option again?

I know you are feeling devastated and betrayed right now and those feelings are completely normal. I think it is especially difficult this time of year when every where you look families are "celebrating" the holiday together when all you may be feeling is the betrayal. Try to get adequate sleep, eat healthy foods (even something like a milk shake) and keep posting and writing and reading here.

The boards can be a little slow during the holidays, but sooner or later someone will be here to help and respond to your posts.

Be gentle with yourself...you will survive this, I promise. (((hugs)))


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 2828 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey sweetheart. I'm so sorry that you have the reason to come find us, but I am SO glad that you DID find us for support.

Listen. Be very kind to yourself over this frantic weekend. Remember this, you do not have to decide one darned thing right now. Nothing. Nada. You don't have to commit to anything right now. You can do what you need to do, which is to take care of yourself and yourself alone. Eat what you can. Stay hydrated, and not with booze. Rest when you're able. You are in shock right now, body and soul. Just as if a huge truck ran over you. Your emotions are going to be all over the place, up and down, and sideways and backwards. In seconds. You are going to feel love, hate, disbelief, denial, horror, you name it. And you're going to feel as if you're going crazy. This Is Normal. Absolutely Normal. You are reacting appropriately. This is what shock and infidelity does to you. Each of us has been through it.

If at all possible, I strongly suggest that you get "sick" and stay home. It's going to be very, very hard to keep it together for a Thanksgiving day, especially when people start nattering about all of the things they are thankful for. I'd spend the time going through your WHs (wayward husband's) electronic devices and getting all of his passwords to everything. You, unfortunately, probably have not gotten to the bottom of this hell hole. It's rare for Waywards to be completely truthful all at once. The normal progression is for them to string you along. I'm so sorry.

(((hugs))) It's likely to be slow around here, but rest assured, we all ARE here to support you. Please come back for support or to vent whenever you need to.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4124 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Effing Biatch.

Effing Facebook.

My husband has had multiple inappropriate interactions thanks to FB. More than I'll ever know -- and each secret hurts. At least one of his affairs began with FB. One of the three I know about, anyway.

I'm so sorry.

Don't be lax here, my friend. Stay tuned in to his activity and remain vigilant.

I caught my husband inappropriately exchanging messages with an old girlfriend in 2010. We cried, made up, went to a pastoral care session, blah, blah, blah........three years later, his actions were worse.

So. much. worse.

Allow him to make this up to you. Allow him to do whatever he must do -- but do not rush to trust his behavior in any type of social media. FB was the primary culprit for my husband, but he is active on Twitter as well. He even went so far as to create a freaking PINTEREST account just to follow and keep tabs on one of his homewreckers. Pinterest? Really?

F*** this shit still pisses me off.

Sorry.

It's been 19 weeks (137 days, to be exact) since I learned the tip of the iceburg.

Still raw, I guess.

[This message edited by kickboxer at 12:05 AM, November 28th (Thursday)]


BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Topic Posts: 5

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