Yesterday was the worse. I almost called my son to let him know I was moving in with them. Instead I drank a bottle of wine, did some painting, made a great supper and went to bed. Dreamed about him, a good dream, felt happy this morning. It didn't last though. My thoughts of leaving him are back.
How I wish I could make a decision and stick with it. My feelings about his ons, his pornography, his phone calls etc. and God knows what else does not seem to hurt as much now. Again, is this a phase I am going through. I seem to focus on one issue at a time. First it was the discovery! shock! deep pain. Then it was "is he telling me the truth", now it s "should I leave, can I make it on my own".
Have to realize that I may spend the rest of my life without a partner, may end up living in an apartment. He may get remarried, do well ... Have to face all the unexpected moments. Hard decision.
Give yourself time. I know from other tragedies in my life that two or three years can make a big difference. You will feel differently in two years than you do now. Is your H doing everything that he should to help you heal?
His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.
We avoid the topic. It s like we both pretend it never happened. He is very loving, caring. But we don't talk about it much. I mention the subject up maybe once every 3 weeks.
This sounds like rug-sweeping. Do you feel like one or both of you are sweeping the affair under the rug?
Last time we discussed the subject, he said, do you have to ask the same questions over and over and over again?
I have a deep suspicion that he is still lying. That he has not told me everything.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 1:50 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]
Edited because my auto correct has different ideas than I do.
[This message edited by TheAmazingWondertwin at 3:39 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]