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General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Clarification on the 180.
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have been following the 180 for a good week now. I even set the ring tone to cricket noises for the WH. He has plans with the DDs tonight and called me this morning, I thought he was backing out so I answered. So he asked me what has changed in the past week. I do not answer his texts or phone calls etc. I said, my choice is to work on our marriage but clearly your choice is to divorce and continue the A. I need to move forward with my life so that is what I am doing. He asked if we could show a united front for the girls. I said no, I will not tell them a lie to support your decision to walk out. He Asked if I wanted to join them tonight I said no that will not work for me. He said we could reschedule for a more convenient time. I said no the girls are really looking forward to tonight. We left it like that. Did I do it right? I am going to see a lawyer this afternoon and a pastor this morning. As much as I am a private person, I need support from you all and those outside our family. What should my next step be?


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you did everything right. I would think about next steps after you talk with the lawyer and pastor. They will probably tell what you need to do next.

Sending you (((HUGS))) and strength. You did a fantastic job.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks...it was hard to do but I did not feel like crawling back into bed when I hung up.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ruby)))

Each time you interact with him and stay disconnected you will feel a tiny bit stronger. You did great. You will be better equipped to decide what you want next after your appointments today.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You not only did it right, you did it awesomely!

All of this nicey nice is just to make himself feel better. After all, if the two of you can be friendly, then what he did couldn't have been THAT bad, right?

Keep on keeping on. You are doing great.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duplicate

[This message edited by Merlin at 11:51 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were direct.

You were clear.

You were terse.

You did this right.

Keep up the good work.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
lisaloo
♀ Member
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome!!! So much better than I've managed to pull off this time around!


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely perfect response. Now reward yourself by doing something for you. The 180 is hard to do and you will have setbacks, but when you do, start right back at it again. It WILL make you stronger. It really works. Good for you!!!


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did FANTASTIC!!!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the chorus. You rocked it!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brilliant brilliant brilliant!!! You did EVERYTHING right and the most wonderful thing is it made you feel a little bit stronger. Get in! x


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 860 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 12

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