Been a while since I posted, but here is a wee update on my sitch. I hope that it may offer some encouragement.
Been S from WW for more than two years now. In that time my relationship with my kids has deepened and strengthened beyond all expectation, I have negotiated a financial settlement (legal S) in which I retained the family home, I have been promoted at work to MD of my company and have met a lovely woman. Life is busy busy busy, but its good. I have been away on holiday three times in the last year and had numerous weekend trips to stay with friends. Last weekend I had a party for visiting friends and my house was packed with good people all enjoying themselves.
For so long I never dared to think I might get here. Things just felt so desperate for such a long time. I'm not special. But there is life after infidelity.
Meanwhile WW and I have actually been rubbing along OK and communicating pretty well when it comes to the kids. On the whole, it works really.
Now its time to finalise matters and she has been served the D papers, which I can do unopposed now as we have been S for two years. She is predictably all over the place.
Her ongoing relationship with scumbag OM seems to be floudering, and she is struggling with her working situation and with her financial situation. This is despite me paying more than legally required and her having a substantial lump sum in her bank account from her share of the marital home and MY pension.
So, here I am now - moving ahead with a new life and tying up the loose ends of a past life. At the same time I am witnessing the disintegration of WW's false dreams of a happy ever after with OM and watching everything that she was told (and ignored) three years ago now come to pass. Karma bus - maybe, although I'm not a big believer in that.
I don't feel ANY satisfaction in this though. I feel sorry for her that she has got herself into this mess. I can't and won't fix it, but I feel pity for her. There would have been a time that I would have taken some joy from her struggle, as some kind of revenge or sense of justice being served, but that anger has left me. She is the mother of my children and to see her fall is no pleasure.
However, the fact that I can feel this way feels healthy. It feels like I have truly moved on - almost three years from dday.
When I joined SI in a huge mess of pain and confusion, everyone said 2-5 years is the normal recovery time. I couldn't even imagine that. It seemed so long and so far away and I was so desperate to feel better. There are no short cuts though, and the only way is through. Time heals but you must use that time and engage with it all - with the anger, pain, hurt, confusion and fear. Engage with it and don't shy away from the truth - ever. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do - certainly was for me - but it can bring real growth.
So for all those out there still struggling to see light, you WILL get there. I didn't think I would or could, but I have and as I said I am not special. I have no magic bullet or special secret. Time and hard work is all. but you CAN and WILL do it.
Now, wish me D luck that WW won't cause any bullshit at this late stage.
Good luck to everyone and thank you so much to all that helped me on my journey - the support and advice was invaluable and SI was absolutely crucial to my healing.