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User Topic: npd mil is at it again.. this one is funny
philly172
♀ Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I've posted the terrible horrible things MIL said about me to my family & my son during the A... I know it was her NPD talking.. Her son couldn't be vilified for having an A, I need to make up something more horrible that Philly did.. but her latest is really WOW.. I forgot to post until now...

As I've mentioned she is tolerated when she visits, I am cordial but not overly nice nor do I take ANYTHING from her ( her MO is to buy love)

She came in to town a couple of weeks ago to see DS2 in a play he was starring in in college... while here, she mentioned that she had lots of meetings the previous week with a financial advisor & her attorney & she needed to give a copy of her will to her sister.. but she didn't say much else... to/around me that is!!

She & WH went to pick DD up from school & when they came back WH told me he had to talk to me.. He told me that MIL has changed her will & instead of her money/assets being split between him & his brother, her will is being split 5 ways... WH, his brother & my 3 kids with certain provisions .. like my DD (her only granddaughter) is to get all of her jewelry.. then the biggest provision.. if WH or BIL die before her then their inheritance is to go to SIL & ME with another provision that I receive more money if DD is still under age.. I was her reasoning is "Philly has always been good to me & she has been great taking care of {{WH}} BIL's wife will only use the $$ to give to her family"

It seems BIL & SIL did something to piss MIL off & she decided her will needed to be changed.. (FYI it was a simple thing.. BIL & SIL were coming into my town (they're in TX near MIL & we're in PA) at the same time MIL was & didn't offer to drive her with them, she had to fly (FREE I might add) You see what I mean about NPD ??? you don't do things my way, I will make you pay...

Now here's the kicker.. MIL's will has always had BIL as executor & she also had him invest $$ for her.. Now, that's all done.. she has co-executors.. BIL & My DS1 & every dime is with a financial advisor..

I find it ironic that this is the woman who accused me of stealing from her, yet she has me named in her will.. Did that make me treat her differently while she was here?? HELL NO! I am glad my kids will be set for life (If MIL died tomorrow each of the heirs would receive 3.4 million dollars ) but no amount of $$ will change the fact that she was horrible & said horrible things to/about me..

It's things like MIL's actions that make me think WH A was caused by a lot of FOO issues... When we were in MC, the therapist asked if I would mind if she worked with him first before the M because he needed to fixed before we could heal the M.. she touched a lot of raw issues with him & it freaked him & he refused to go back.. issues like how BIL was golden boy & WH was the unwanted son (she wanted a DD so much she didn't even name WH, his grandma did)


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4784 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember she can always change the will again! Just saying. She also could be using this new info to trying having some control over all of you. Glad you didn't change your reaction to her.
Stay steady and calm no matter what her next move is.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2986 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she wanted a DD so much she didn't even name WH, his grandma did
Wow...just wow. That would eff up most anyone. Doesn't excuse his actions of course, but it sure explains some of the foo that factored into his messed up thinking.

she touched a lot of raw issues with him & it freaked him & he refused to go back
He needs to get back into some IC. Seriously.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who the hell cares what she does with her money. IMHO money (or the lack of) is nothing but a tool for people to exercise control or be controlled by others. Take money off the table and I'd bet my left nut that there would be many more posters in the S/D forum. People put way too much emphasis on money. We use it as an excuse as to why our lives are fucked up. And for me I've seen all sides of the financial coin. Grew up fairly poor, Worked hard and became financially successful, now retired and living on a fixed income. I have to admit that having money does make ones life comfortable. But it also gives people a sense of entitlement and spawns all sorts of bad behaviors. And in cases like your MIL, she is using it to control her children and grandkids. What she doesn't get is that money cant buy love or respect.

It reminds me of when my mother passed away. My mom and dad through luck had purchased a home in an area that became a very sought after place to live. We are talking 7 figures worth of real estate. As it was a 2 family dwelling my youngest sister lived there and took care of my mom and the house for many years. She also paid rent to my mother to subsidize her income. As my father passed earlier my mother was the sole owner. When she passed my younger sister felt she was owed a greater percentage of the sale of the home. My elder sister had issues with that. Legally it would have been split 3 ways. But I agreed with my little sister and spoke to my elder one about it. After some talking and a bit of animosity I told the elder sister "Look do you want to be like all these other people who don't speak to their siblings because of money ? Money that none of us were entitled to or earned in the first place. Had my mother left her estate to the cat we would get nothing. In the end she agreed and we gave my younger sister half of the estate and we split the other half. But I could see how easy it is to lose family over money. Especially inheritance money. Personally, now that I live on a fixed income I've never been happier. I have enough to pay my bills, put good food in my stomach, and keep a roof over my head. I even have enough left over to save a little bit. When I was making money I had nothing but worries and had even less in my pocket. The more you make, the more you spend. My XWW plowed through cash like it was on fire. Tell her to keep her money if it becomes an issue or she tries to use it for control. If you have enough to live on and your happy. That's good enough in my book.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5732 | Registered: Nov 2007
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me that MIL has changed her will & instead of her money/assets being split between him & his brother, her will is being split 5 ways.

I wouldn't believe this unless I saw the signed and notarized document with my own eyes, and even then, I'd wonder.

Like momentintime said, she can change the will at any time. If she really wants to memorialize her bequeathments, she would have done an irrevocable living trust, where neither she nor anyone else could make any changes.

Be wary, philly. Remember who you're dealing with.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 3:51 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
philly172
♀ Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't believe this unless I saw the signed and notarized document with my own eyes, and even then, I'd wonder.

Like momentintime said, she can change the will at any time. If she really wants to memorialize her bequeathments, she would have done an irrevocable living trust, where neither she nor anyone else could make any changes.

Be wary, philly. Remember who you're dealing with.


Oh believe me, as I said in the original post NOTHING can make me be nice to her.. my kids & my WH can kiss her ass all they want.. 3/4 of them are adults & DO reap the benefit of MIL's 'generosity'.. I on the other hand REFUSE everything she offers to me... I've been known to put stuff out of a shopping cart that *I* was buying because she wanted to buy it.. Nope.. aint happening..

AS for seeing her will Yep, I saw it, DS1 has a copy, WH Aunt has a copy & both showed me.. but like everyone said .. she can change her will on a whim.. hell, she just did that when she made THIS one..

she wanted a DD so much she didn't even name WH, his grandma did
Wow...just wow. That would eff up most anyone. Doesn't excuse his actions of course, but it sure explains some of the foo that factored into his messed up thinking

Oh I hear ya.. WH is majorly f'ed up because of his parents attitude toward him.. both my MIL & FIL doted on BIL when they were kids.. but funny thing is when FIL was injured & had his stroke (eerily similar to WH) MIL left as soon as she could to marry FIL's rich BIL & my BIL moved 150 miles away.. it was WH (at 21YO, I might add) that took on the responsibility of taking care of FIL while working full time... You know if there's one thing I will NEVER EVER criticize WH for is his devotion to his Dad & the wonderful care he gave him.. Doctors praised him for his care..

But I also think that it was WH still trying to win his Dads love after being treated like dirt as a kid..

I think his foo issues were a big reason why he had the A.. he was still looking for someone to treat him special & OW fit the bill.. no it doesn't excuse it but it does give it a 'reason'


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4784 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
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