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User Topic: Sacrifices (vent)
MakingLemonade
♀ Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I sacrificed my career to devote myself to family and homeschooling my kids for the last 17 years (though I have worked very part time over the years) and it's now biting me in the butt. I don't have my Masters and haven't worked full time so I don't qualify for a highly specialized job I've been doing part time for over 20 years. Makes no sense. So pissy at X right now as he continues living in his fantasy land. My senior has a full scholarship so all my devotion has not been in vain, but he is the one who benefits from that as he has to pay for all college and expenses. ARGH! Feeling like it doesn't pay to be the selfless one. I always seem to be left with the crumbs.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel. I almost wanted to tell my son to be a selfish asshole. They seem to do better in this world.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep - me too.

Early on I dropped out of school and jumped through hoops to keep working part time to accommodate his 6 day rotating schedule. Then XH was all about me quitting work to homeschool!! (NO regrets there - it truly paid off for the kids!) But of course come the D he changed the story - I "refused" to work! (I was working 2 part time jobs at the time). I "never contributed financially" and it was - "his" house, "his" pension, his his his. Yeah - well thankfully the courts didn't see it quite that way.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We never think something like this is going to happen to us. I, too, am a homeschooling mom who stepped out of a career to put family first. I completely get where you are coming from.

I would like to share something that has been making me feel better about this - that time spent with your wonderful children is irreplaceable, so precious, and will be a blessing on them forever. At the end of your life, will you regret it? I doubt it. It hasn't paid off for you financially, but in terms of the important things in life? I know that if I went back to full time work tomorrow, I would always be glad that I homeschooled while I could.

That said, it absolutely sucks that your work opportunities are now suffering as the trade-off. I hope that your part-time experience at least lets you segue into the full- time world a bit easier...


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
MakingLemonade
♀ Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a puddle of tears right now and so appreciate the empathy. Blessings.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
EaglesWings
♀ Member
Member # 41156
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, we pay the price in soooo many ways. I juggled full-time career, and homeschooling. Totally devoted myself to my kids and to being the main income. I own my own business, fWH was office manager for 20 years. After Dday, he took weeks off, finally quit the business we spent 2 decades building!! He "couldn't face her--OW". Yes, she worked for us. Yet I had to keep working, no work, no eat. I facedd HER everyday. Talk about triggers!! Literally threw up daily for weeks as I pulled into work. But had no choice. Chose not to fire her (to prevent sexual harrassment charges). Has he EVER said thank you?? Ha.

But, I will never regret doing the RIGHT thing. Our children will call us blessed, and there will be rewards both in this life and in heaven.


Just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread....

Posts: 54 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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