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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
SuperDuperWonderboy
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Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gotta disagree. Most of my guy friends have cheated, I know very few women friends who have. Broken is broken. Man or woman.

Eta: not that I think men cheat more than woman, I just think there are equalling loads of fucked-up out there.

[This message edited by SuperDuperWonderboy at 6:00 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a member...

If I had to guess, based upon my personal experience, at the ratio of cheating men to cheating women, I truly think it would be pretty close to 50/50.


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I know I would never sleep with another dude.

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
DazedWI
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Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can add is that of all the friends and relatives that I have, only one of them cheated on a spouse and it was an uncle. I am the only person that has had a wife do this to him and everyone is shocked and surprised as I was a good husband.

We are great husbands and individuals, our wives lack of morals/etc are the real issues here!


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will add that I am one of three faithful brothers. All three were cheated on. I am the only one who tried to stay and work it out. Mom and dad always knew I wasn't the smart one of the group.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the biggest problem with anecdotal experiences IRL as well as statistics is the data – I don’t think the data is IRL. Waywards lie. I’d say most BS’s will lie from the shame they feel about the A. I’d guess LosferWords guess is probably better than most statistics, and that’s just a WAG based on what I’ve read (SI and elsewhere). Based on my IRL I only know one other confirmed Wayward and she was screwing the same AP as my W. The rest did not get caught or if they did it did not become public. I think those of us on SI (both BS and WS) are more likely to give good statistics because we are working through this shit and not rug sweeping. Like most things, garbage in garbage out. With the stigmatism of infidelity I don’t think there is really any way to get accurate data.

BTW WB what you did is not stupid. You attempted to do the right thing according to who you are. You WS showed a bunch of what it took to move you in that direction. She failed though. The BS is not the fool, it is the WS that betrayed a very sacred trust who has lost a precious gift that is the fool. Of all the “happy happy” mantra’s I’ve been fed to “get over it”, this is one of them that passes my sniff test. It’s the way it is in my book.


ETA – ok there are a couple other WS I know – my Dad (confirmed) and my Mom (EA confirmed but PA?). I also think my Mom was the OW for my Dad – IDK and I don’t have any reason to find out. I’ve got my own problems.

[This message edited by foundoutlater at 7:10 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Jul 2011
HeartbrokenDude
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Member # 41110
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor: "Shows on the tele WW looks at are either about clothing (bridezillas. yes to the dress. fashion police. sex in the city) or cartoons. Books. on the rare occasions when she reads. Are all along those same lines. Yeh. no depth at all."

Same here, man. Her fallback shows are on HGTV, or reality shows like The Biggest Loser and Survivor. In many ways she's as shallow as a pie plate. The POSOM is too, about as sharp as a bowling ball.


Posts: 66 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that it's probably about 50/50. I think that in cases where some poor dude goes 5-for-5 (for real?) there's GOT to be a broken picker at play. In my experience, the cheating men I know cheated before marriage, and the women I know cheated after marriage. That's not a comparison as much as a personal observation. One isn't better than the other.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
knight
♂ New Member
Member # 36859
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Gents,

I've decided I'm gonna try posting a bit more. I've been lurking quite a bit.

I personally know 5 women and 6 men waywards. There are a lot of screwed up people out there. My family has our fair share of FOO issues but to my knowledge none of my 3 married brothers, parents, nor I have ever cheated. My wife's family, on the other hand has plenty of infidelity. She grew up with it. I think that certainly played a role in her jacked up decision making.

As for me, I think it runs pretty close to 50/50 but happens more in families that have a "tradition" of infidelity already established.


BH 40s
WW (her) 40s
D-day Aug 2012
M 16
kids - 3 beautiful ones, DD22, DD14, DS10

Always be yourself, but always be your better self. - Karl G. Maeser
- - - - - - -
Dyslexic...please ignore my spelling.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Hell
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex cheated before and after marriage. I just didn't know about it until the end.

I probably know more guys who have been cheated on than who have cheated. Both of my parents cheated on each other so that's a wash. I think my uncle probably cheated on my aunt but I really don't know for sure. My brother in law was cheated on by his first two wives, my ex brother in law was cheated on by my ex sister in law, a few of my male friends have been cheated on. One of my female friends recently caught her husband heading down a slippery slope.

I think it's pretty rampant and I also think it's pretty hard to get accurate statistics on infidelity. After all, you're only getting the liars who are willing to admit to doing the deed who answer "yes" in those surveys.


Posts: 1316 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's pretty rampant and I also think it's pretty hard to get accurate statistics on infidelity. After all, you're only getting the liars who are willing to admit to doing the deed who answer "yes" in those surveys.
Exactly. The 'yes' answers are probably either people who did it, regret it, and never plan on doing it again....or they're sociopaths who don't feel any regrets over it. Anyone who falls into that middle category (i.e. cheated and feels bad, but hasn't addressed the underlying issues) probably is going to feel too much shame to answer in the affirmative.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
5454real
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Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5-for-5 (for real?) there's GOT to be a broken picker at play

Oh, absolutely. KISA complex BIG time. Thankfully SI pointed me in the right direction.

50/50 is the direction I would go even though my IRL tends to point in another direction. I and 3 of my guy buddies were lifeguards at a campground/resort right after HS. All of us were on scholarship to play football in college. The 30-40 yo married women were all over us. It was a standing joke that one of the guys even became a playtoy for one of them. I personally had no interest, but it really wasn't my business. KWIM?

Since then, I've taken a job in a heavily male dominated field where cheating is rampant. Esp. at conferences and schools where the standard line is *what happens here stays here*. Seems to me that 60-70% of the guys there would happily avail themselves if the opportunity presented itself. Again though, the M'd women there seem to be completely happy to partake as well. Several of these conferences have seen women at my hotel room door wanting to *play*.

Before you guys ask, FWW is fully aware of what goes on at these shows/schools/conferences. More now than before the A and she doesn't like what occurs, but does seem to trust me. More now than before. Standing invite for her to attend with me at any time and I always have the phone glued to my side.

Anyway, my vote is 50/50.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has Thinkingclear posted lately? I hope he is doing well.

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Tred
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Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the Menz thread Knight. Glad to see you step out of lurkerdom and share in our misery .

Later - Thinkingclear was last on Oct 16th...maybe Losfer or WH5 has better insight.

As far as the ratio of male/female cheaters, I don't think we'll get a definitive answer. It's not something I would want bragging rights over anyways. It's not like I'm proud that my wife cheated on me when we were engaged, saw what that did to me, then cheated on me 12 years later because she "forgot" how much if fucked me up the first time.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3299 | Registered: Dec 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bad, meant to do this in my previous post. Welcome knight.

You know noob's buy beer right?

Look forward to hearing more from you!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SDW,
You feeling better today? Things still eating at you?


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1796 | Registered: Nov 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later - Thinkingclear was last on Oct 16th...maybe Losfer or WH5 has better insight

I checked with the powers that be, and 10/16 is indeed the last record of him visiting this site. Hopefully he will return at some point with an update.


Posts: 4512 | Registered: Dec 2010
SuperDuperWonderboy
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Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning fellas. Nothing new to update. It's been a nice couple of days. She is out of town on business so I got to just relaxe and do wb stuff. Glorious.

Still struggling with the internal guilt of ending it. Feeling like I should just suck it up for the kids. But the thought of spending more time trapped in this shithole also seems unbearable. So while I am not wavering on my decision, processing the emotions associated with it are difficult.

In retrospect, it would have been easier had I left shortly after dday....nobody would blame me then. But after two years, I feel like I am the one giving up on our marriage. But then again, if anyone wants to blame me for this, let em...I don't need that noise in my life.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it would have been easier had I left shortly after dday....nobody would blame me then

I get that. Nobody here is blaming you - it's just the ignorants that don't understand the complexity of healing and moving on from such a trauma. Hell, leaving right after DDay would of probably been best for me. It's the double edged sword mate, and after infidelity, it's like the BS gets cut with it no matter what they do.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3299 | Registered: Dec 2011
DefiledRage
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Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In retrospect, it would have been easier had I left shortly after dday....nobody would blame me then. But after two years, I feel like I am the one giving up on our marriage

Coming up on a year here and I still think daily I should have jumped right after dday. But I also take pride in the fact that I'm taking my time, weighing all possibilities and making a logical decision.
Waiting two years I think shows that you do have responsibility when it comes to your children. You gave her and your marriage every chance in the world to keep the family together (maybe more chances than she even deserved) and she shanked it. That's not your problem man. She's the one that gave up by not doing the things you needed to stay. It's all on her shoulders.
I'm sure as the years go by your children will see more and more that you are a man of honor and tried to do the right thing for them. They would want you happy. That's what loving someone means....at all costs allowing them to be happy.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 11:02 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 424 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
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