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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't find an animated snake man gif to round it out. Sorry man.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question - WW and I are leaving Friday morning for four days in another state to be there when our son graduates from college. It's 18 hours round-trip and three nights together in a motel room. We seem to get along a whole lot better when we go out of town together. Is it like that for anyone else here? If so, why do you think that is?

Not a snake man but.........

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 10:27 PM, December 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Sproket
♂ Member
Member # 41262
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor

Yes "in love" since that shit went on for damn near 5 years. If you put it in perspective our Son is only 7 and we will be married 5 years next year plus we only been together going on 10 years.
Still in her fog trying to be normal.
I sometimes feel mentally I am beginning to check out the M.
Her friends know and kinda shamed her privately about the "A" so she feels isolated and judged.


ME:BS 40
W: WW 40
M: Oct 2009
D.D Nov 2, 2013

Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: VA
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor,
Do any of you guys think your WW was in love with her OM?

Not in a serious "I want to build a life with you" sort of way, and she's taken pains to point out she never said "I love you" to the OM and felt upset when he said it to her.

I think that's minimizing, though, that she's saying that as much to convince herself as she is saying it to convince me. I know the OM well, he was a friend of the family for years before the affair and so I have no doubt there was some love at the core of the affair. And while I'm not happy about that, it's not something that tortures me either.


Tred,

Yeah, that's my philosophy. Whatever happens between a man, and a woman, and another woman, and a goat, dwarf, llama, and tub of butter is all up to them. As long as it's consenting.

That's my view too. I laughingly describe myself as being filled with militant apathy towards the specifics of others' sex lives most of the time. I don't really care whether you're sleeping with one guy, one girl, a harem or a menagerie. If everyone's consenting and there's no permanent harm from your actions, well I've got more interesting things to worry about.

Unfortunately, like you, my wife didn't bother to ask before deciding to invite another into her bed. I told her (paraphrasing) "If you'd asked I'd have said no, but at least you would have asked me before sleeping with him. It'd have been some consideration at least."

[This message edited by ascian at 9:38 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 262 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW and her OM were in pretty deep emotional waters. At the height of their LTA they actually exchanged rings in a cute little ceremony (just them) on the beach. WW and her OM wore those rings next to their wedding bands.

Yeh. I hate the beach and that ring thing makes me want to puke.

But it is what it is. I dont believe there is any thing good that can come of denying or avoiding the truth. Some parts of this whole BH experience just plain sucks.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do any of you guys think your WW was in love with her OM?

Infatuation? yes at times. In love no, partially because I do not belive that FWW is capable of true love.

She had a 5-year plan to leave me, but all she accomplished in 4 years and 2+ OM was the "resent atsenaotie and have sex with other men" part.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 12:37 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeh. WW resented the way her life turned out and resented me for it. I have no idea what her original life plan was before I turned up. Probably some version of *sex in the city*.

But I think her resentment of me played a large part in how she made her decision to cheat. That her LTA was a way at striking out at me in anger.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, my wife would never come out and say that directly, but I think deep down she knows she had a revenge affair. Vengeance was called for not due to infidelity, but because I failed to provide the life she wanted. I think what she wanted was to be a country club wife. At the same time, she wanted me to have the schedule of a school teacher,

I may have been able to provide one or the other, but not both simultaneously. At times I have leaned one way or other, and she was never happy with what she was missing.

She is not a bad person, and she has a lot of great attributes. But the expectations were not realistic. IMO the expectations of females is a real problem throughout our culture.

I am no saint, and there is a lot I wish I had done differently. No idea whether it would have made a difference, but I feel like shit for not having done more to man up and take control of the situation.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, given my situation I don't know if my wife fits the same category as yours but there are similarities. She was unable to tell me why she had the affair as out life together was good and everything was fine. I think mine ultimately did due to her poor development of core values during upbringing. Unfortunately she won't see that until it is to late because she is in the "fog" still. This is evident as she hasn't complied with the temp orders from the court and it has been several weeks since. The guy played on her weakness and she fell for it hook line and sinker, completely.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO the expectations of females is a real problem throughout our culture.

Exhibit A: Bridezillas

ok - all joking aside, this is very true (although I never like to sterotype. Obviously not ALL females are like this). I am not superman. I am not a fucking mind reader. I will probably never be a millionaire, have washboard abs, be used as a model for the cover of a romance novel, look like Brad Pitt or have a house in the hamptons. I don't practice tantra, I don't have a 12 inch schlong and I can't open champagne bottles one handed. We will not spend half-a-mil on our wedding, your 'rock' won't be 2+ karats, you won't be driving a range rover and you won't start in "Real housewives of some fucked up city on the coast".

I'm me. This is what you get. I ain't perfect, but I'm pretty damn good. I'm a good husband, a good father, a pretty good person, and I'm pretty damn adorable if I do say so myself. If that's good enough for you, then MAYBE you can stay. Not good enough? There's the f'ing door.

Wow.... wasnt' expecting to rant like that. Just tumbled out. We now return you to your regularly scheduled tuesday afternoon.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great rant, slope. And Brad Pitt doesn't look much like Brad Pitt these days. And if fate had him marrying one of our wives, he'd be a betrayed husband, too. Hell, maybe he is anyway.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
HeartbrokenDude
♂ Member
Member # 41110
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ontheslope: "I am not a fucking mind reader."

Ding. My wife didn't ever once tell me about any problems in our marriage until after the affair, and they all seem so trivial now. Her excuse: "I didn't think you would change, and I thought you would know that I was unhappy."

Really? I'm supposed to know how WW feels, when she tells me that nothing is wrong, and goes to work and comes home with a smile on her face?


Posts: 66 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really? I'm supposed to know how WW feels, when she tells me that nothing is wrong, and goes to work and comes home with a smile on her face?

Bingo, my wife didn't tell me shit because she "didn't want to hurt my feelings". Part of a marriage is having a discussion on the hard issues, will I get upset, likely, but is it going to last forever or damage our relationship, F@&$ NO.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ding. My wife didn't ever once tell me about any problems in our marriage until after the affair, and they all seem so trivial now. Her excuse: "I didn't think you would change, and I thought you would know that I was unhappy."

Yep, anytime I asked everything was "fine" After dday I am told I should have just known. So for years FWW built up resentment towards me because she was not happy. She brought up a coupl eof her issues in MC, saw how silly or wrong they were in the harsh light of day and has never again raised any of my "past sins".

Things are better now, she is still not happy, but at least understands it is not my fault.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Montreal
♂ New Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her excuse: "I didn't think you would change, and I thought you would know that I was unhappy."

Oh so my wife married you too?

It's funny/sad how fucking close they all stick to the script, isn't it?


DDay: July 6, 2013
"not divorcing"

Posts: 50 | Registered: Sep 2013
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. Damn scary. They should all like, get together and hang out sometime.

On a side note... anyone collect grenades?

(kidding... KIDDING!)


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
HeartbrokenDude
♂ Member
Member # 41110
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought we men were the lousy communicators... turns out it's not always the case. My WW likes to talk, but not about deep or meaningful stuff, which she tends to avoid like the plague. Until it comes out as it did, in the ugliest episode of my life.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW likes to talk, but not about deep or meaningful stuff, which she tends to avoid like the plague.

Amen. Talk all day about meaningless inane shit but if there is a conflict avoid that. If it may hurt feeligns avoid that, if it requires an articulation of anger or frustration avoid that. But she will gladly chit chat about meaningless shit and pick at everyone elses flaws behind backs.
The reason I know my W has changed is this has changed. She rarely engages in the maningless chit chatter anymore. Seems disinterested in the drama and actually focuses on herself and her family now.

we need a real snaKe mov. Something scarry and resembling ontheslopes 12 inch schlong.

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 1:59 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Nov 2010
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude... leave my schlong out of this, k?


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do any of you guys think your WW was in love with her OM?

4 year LTA
She admitted that every conversation either on the phone, texting, or in person included them professing their love for each other. She definitely thought she was in love with him.

Now having said that, her definition of love and my definition are two completely different things.
Hers is more of a what-have-you-done-lately, what's in it for me type of love. Pretty shallow stuff there. Not sure it takes any of the sting out for me though.


Sitting on the couch this weekend a seemingly run of the mill Folgers commercial comes on. In it Grandma says she so happy to be there for baby's first christmas. and makes coffee to get the parents up. Son says really glad your here mom, mom says me too. Look over ww is crying. She says she's sad because she knows that it is not something she will ever experience because her mom would never be there for her like that. Too much off the charts NPD. And if MIL was she would never be helping with the baby, and would be working some angle to get something out of ww. Part of her sadness is; now, after many long talks and introspection she's starting to see those type of behaviors in herself. Just another example of inescapable FOO issues. Thinks she realizes to some extent she shit on everything because she was selfish and put herself above her husband and her own children. Just hope this revealation she had sticks.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
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