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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In MC this morning...
Me: How could you do things with POSOM you have always called disgusting, demeaning, and humilating?

WW: He was persistent.

Me: so if I had been persistent and insisted...

WW: That's DISGUSTING!

Me: WTF???(!)???

You and I are married to the same woman.

DO NOT LET HER OFF THE HOOK ON THIS!!!! If your MC isn't holding her feet to the fire and making her see how fucked up her mentality is then fire the MC and get a new one or start D proceedings on your seriously backwards wife.

My wife gave porn sex to her younger AP after twenty years of giving me vanilla duty sex, all because her pious conservative Christian upbringing taught her that sex was wicked and that "wives don't do those sorts of things with their husbands". Well, last month when I threatened to have the D process reinstated she changed her tune pronto.

Now she is discovering that having hot, kinky sex with me is very enjoyable and fun and nothing to be ashamed of. She's also amazed that I didn't lose respect for her. I told her "No, your affair is what made me lose respect for you. Not the having kinky sex with you. Moron!"

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 2:38 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In MC this morning...
Me: How could you do things with POSOM you have always called disgusting, demeaning, and humilating?
WW: He was persistent.
Me: so if I had been persistent and insisted...
WW: That's DISGUSTING!
Me: WTF???(!)???

I think my response would be something like...
"You've got about five seconds to not only retract that but to apologize for reacting in a way that is beyond wrong (to me) or I'm filing for D."


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3370 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Camalus
♂ Member
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DefeatedDad: MC lambasted her over it. He is blaming part of it on her fundamentalist upbringing. ‘Good girls’ don’t do things like that…but in the A, she was no longer a ‘good girl’ so felt free to try those things.

Screwed up way of thinking... IMO.

Brandon808: She is definitely rethinking her position on a number of things.


Me–BS age 60
Her -- WS age 58
Married for 33 years
One child, 30yrs

I changed my username to Camalus...the Celtic God of War, Sky, and Retribution.
Camalus wore the horns for a brief period of time


Posts: 93 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My response would have been to bend her over right there in the MC's office and shout "This kinky enough for ya!"

Wait... did I type that or just think it?


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

type what?


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DefeatedDad: MC lambasted her over it. He is blaming part of it on her fundamentalist upbringing. ‘Good girls’ don’t do things like that…but in the A, she was no longer a ‘good girl’ so felt free to try those things.
Screwed up way of thinking... IMO.

Camalus, just dangle that divorce petition in front of her and let her think long and hard about her hang-ups. And remember, she was willing to do those things for the OM because, frankly, she did not care whether he respected her or not.

Your WW values your respect whether she admits it or not, and that's why she is so desperate not to lose it. What she (and my WW) do not understand, is that we have already lost respect for them through their lying and cheating.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My response would have been to bend her over right there in the MC's office and shout "This kinky enough for ya!"
Wait... did I type that or just think it?

You know what's funny Slope? For years I never was aggressive sexually with my wife. Now I am. I dominate her in bed now. If I want her to do something I don't ask, I tell her. If I want to try a different position, I just flip her over, put her in the position I want, and do it. No asking.

She loves it.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor

I think you might of misunderstood something. There has been no TT since around 20 October when I accessed the complete web history (every click, every search for every day from 10 August to 7 October) of my wifes two gamil sexting accounts. Once I had all of it, I talked to my wife and she has been nothing but honest, open and forthright ever since. TT only lasted from 4 Oct. to 20 Oct.

I still am having problems emotionally, but not because of TT. I would be stunned if there was anything else that is major in any way left to find out.

The only thing I was unable to obtain was access to her Ashely Madison account (she paid the $19 to remove it and AM is smart enough to not allow it to be recovered after payment). I am sure that if I had seen that account the magnitude of what she was doing would of upset me more. I can pretty well figure out it had to be dozens of men and women she chatted with based on the other info I had access to and honestly I am glad that I did not read it at this point.

[This message edited by bobf at 7:48 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And remember, she was willing to do those things for the OM because, frankly, she did not care whether he respected her or not.

Your WW values your respect whether she admits it or not, and that's why she is so desperate not to lose it. What she (and my WW) do not understand, is that we have already lost respect for them through their lying and cheating.

Truer words have never been said DD!!


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
ExhaustedWhat2do
♂ New Member
Member # 40947
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, tomorrow is my birthday. WW decided to come back home after being away for over 2 weeks. I've had very little contact with her. I've only told her that I only want to discuss matters of the D, which I filed for at the end of October.

However, she keeps wanting to talk about our relationship, why I don't want to try and save it. I continually remind her that the only way i will even entertain that thought is if she proves the A is over, there is NC with OM etc. WW says that she will only divulge that stuff in MC. I call bull on that b/c if you want to R then you would be willing to provide evidence immediately.

Well tomorrow is my birthday, and she got me two cards. Both talk about how i'm the love of her life and how she is glad i'm the one she married and isn't it our M worth trying to save.

Quite frankly i don't understand why she continues to give me stuff about this. She says she's willing to forgive me for the last 8 years of our relationship (8 years is dating, courtship, and marriage all rolled into one). If I was such a bad and worthless husband why did u stick around for 8 years?

I said what is her end game, the opportunity to give me TT, spin the story the way she wants it to be told. I told her that she can have the cards back and I left the house.

She refers to the A, as a mistake. I said why don't you call it an A, because that is what it is. A mistake is taking a left turn when you should have taken a right. She constantly says marriages have ups and downs. I said yes they do but the don't go in and out with another person.

I don't feel any desire to R with her, a few weeks ago this would have probably sucked me back in emotionally. Now I just don't feel like it at all, these beautiful cards didn't produce any feels for her at all. 6 mos ago b4 the A, yes I would have absolutely loved them. Now actually as I read them, they had zero meaning for me.

I guess this means I am really done with her, or is this behaviour b/c I've been doing 180 as we are going through the D process?


BS(Me) 42
WW 43
DD 9/27/13
Married 6 1/2yrs; together 8
Going through Divorce, heading toward freedom

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2013
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW says that she will only divulge that stuff in MC.

You might want to tell her "You don't get to decide anything anymore, honey, not if you want to stay married to me. It's my way or the highway."

She says she's willing to forgive me for the last 8 years of our relationship (8 years is dating, courtship, and marriage all rolled into one). If I was such a bad and worthless husband why did u stick around for 8 years?

Eerie! That's exactly what I heard after D-Day 1. "I put up with you for eight years before I did this." What happened to 'until death do us part?'

She refers to the A, as a mistake.

That stupid word still sets me off big time.

In the midst of this pain and madness, Exhausted, I wish you a special day tomorrow. Hope you can find some joy somewhere, somehow.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exhausted, Happy Birthday.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
ExhaustedWhat2do
♂ New Member
Member # 40947
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the wishes. Im so pissed she constantly tries to minimize and make me the bad guy. Plus her thought on MC is we should go and see if through MC if we really want to save it. She thinks we may get to MC and decide that one of us or both dont want to go forward. I guess she didnt get the hint when i served her a month ago..

i think this is all about her trying to take control back and save face!


BS(Me) 42
WW 43
DD 9/27/13
Married 6 1/2yrs; together 8
Going through Divorce, heading toward freedom

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2013
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exhausted, Happy Birthday!!

I liked your comment on control...


i think this is all about her trying to take control back and save face!

That's all they care about after being found out as they thin that will help them say they were right.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
Sproket
♂ Member
Member # 41262
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Exhausted


Gentle man I have a seasonal job for the Holidays.
Something to get me out the house and off my routine for a while.
Keeping busy really gets my mind off of things.



ME:BS 40
W: WW 40
M: Oct 2009
D.D Nov 2, 2013

Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: VA
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birfday Exhausted!


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So wife deactivated my cell phone that was attached to her plan today. I have had another one figuring this was going to happen for about a month but am surprised at the sadness and anxiousness that I feel because of it. I am continuing the 180 for me but she doesn't have the new number or contacted me since the second week of November. She is a nutcase and I realize that but this still hurts...

[This message edited by DazedWI at 9:19 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add a little update to my sitch.

So... in addition to my W waiting 3 weeks to provide me with the password to our account, I find out yesterday that our savings is all but drained, and getting gifts for the kids for xmas is going to be a challenge. Nice thing to find out the first week of December.

So... I've taken over the finances. My money is going into my account. I'm setting a budget. She'll get an 'allowance' to cover her gas and shit. Otherwise the money is in my hands.

I can't believe I let it go that long. Bit pissy about it right now.

On top of that, she decided that last night would be a good night to finally sit me down and give me a timeline of the A. Nothing I didn't know... she made herself out to be the innocent victim during most of it. Said that she "just laid there" during sex and that she still doesn't know why she went through with it and that it was basically all OM's fault - that he led her on and used her. I call BS a little... I think she's still trying to spare me some pain. I wouldn't call it TT, but still.... I take everything that she says with a grain of salt. And I know my wife, she doesn't just 'let' some guy 'do his thing'. The term 'willing participant' comes to mind.

Ugh.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't call it TT

I would. Lies of omission are still lies. TT is just a fancy euphemism for still lying. Is she trying to spare you pain or avoid owning her shit?


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
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