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User Topic: Touchy subject - need SI wisdom
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Exclaimation  Posted: 1:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have recently moved in to my SO's house. It is much smaller than my home. We have invited my grown sons/DILs/grandchildren for dinner tomorrow. It is extremely cold (under 30 degrees) here. There will be 6 adults and 4 children under the age of 11. It will be the first visit for some of them to this house.

They all have dogs - one lab, one medium-sized dog, and one min/pin. My SO is not a pet person, but has graciously accepted my cat (love me/love my cat). He does not want dogs in the house and quite frankly, there will not be room. The min/pin is small enough, but very badly behaved and tends to potty inside. Shame on her owner.

Anyway I am sending a text to warn them that the dogs are not welcome. Here is what I came up with:

Just an FYI - our house is small. Please leave the doggies at home in the warm house. If they join you this weekend, they will be stuck outside in the cold. Can't wait to see you!

They have previously had the dogs at my house, and although I wasn't happy about the potty issue, I allowed it.

What do you think?

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's your house, your rules. It sounds like the dogs would be a distraction to dinner.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think I should be more direct/blunt?

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see a problem with your message. It's to the point and leaves no room for guess work.

I agree with Tred...your house, your rules.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
deeplysad
♀ Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have six dogs. I love my dogs very much. BUT, I have never expected them to be welcome at other people's homes and would not even think to bring them with me.

With that many people in a small house you're going to have enough chaos even without the dogs. I think you said it perfectly and hopefully they will all accept and respect your wishes.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3231 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was a kid just out of college I had the greatest dog in the world, and believed that everyone wanted to spend time with him, and probably took him too many places, so I think it's perfectly fine to send that message it's kind, and it's clear theyneed to stay home.

BTW I hate it when people assume it's ok to bring their dogs to my house. (My MIL was really bad about this and her dogs were badly behaved too, my H finally said something to her, now she leaves them at home.)


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8420 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think I should be more direct/blunt?

I think your message is quite direct. I would not change a thing!

Good job!


Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent it off and heard from one son already. He completely understands.

Thanks for all the support!

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love my dogs very much. BUT, I have never expected them to be welcome at other people's homes and would not even think to bring them with me.
This! I also agree that your note looks fine.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems I'm late, but also agree it is fine. I actually don't know who brings their dogs to dinner? LOL Ok, my mom does. And my neighbor who is growing a guide dog but that's ok cause he is sooooooo cute.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6421 | Registered: Jan 2011
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heck its chilly here. Thanksgiving day will be in the 30s for highs. My own dogs will be outside or in their crates during the meal depending on the sunshine or lack of

My mother does not allow dogs in her house. I can see why. Her house just has too many breakables and white carpet. When I would travel to visit, I would bring my dog's crate and set it up in the laundry room and she would stay there. It wasn't ideal and I took her on lots of walks but that way she was in, out of the cold, but not in the main part of the house. In the future if they come to visit and must bring a dog, have them bring a crate. My mom even ended up buying a crate so I didn't have to pack mine.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These people do not believe in crates. And the dogs would make an impossible racket if we tried to crate them in the house.

Not everyone is a good responsible dog owner. It's not the dogs' fault.

I LOVE dogs. But I really prefer that they are well behaved. They need to know their place (they are NOT the pack leader - the human is). I think it makes for a happier dog and it definitely makes for a happier human.

In any event, I believe it is handled.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your note is fine and perfectly acceptable. I am a new dog owner. I would never in a million years just assume my dog was welcome at someones house. And he is currently in a horrid counter/table surfing mode at dinner time and needs to be crated while he screams and whines like we've abandoned him. I don't even want him at MY house for dinner, nevermind someone elses
We just today declined a Christmas Eve invite. Well not entirely. It's dh's family and dd and I will stay home with puppy and ds and dh will go. It's the way it has to be this year. He is crate trained but no more than a few hours and we can't make it this year. At my parents they can run around outside because it's fenced, or come into the garage where it's warm. We may have to leave early though because he is very very people oriented and after a little while cries and barks for us and that's not pleasant for anyone.
He is my priority while I train him and work with him on company behaivour. It will take some time. I knew the commitment I was making.
As long as you are ok with people not being able to stay as late as they could or having to make arrangements that keep someone home, then they should be perfectly fine to not bring their dogs into your home.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44648 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 13

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