I struggle with this - as a WS.
I never think about the A or the OW - unless i am asked about them - then i reflect.
I think about what i did every day - the hurt i have caused with my actions - it haunts me, it nauseates me. I deal with it - i write about it to her - i say i am sorry - i carry on with my day, and try to focus on other things.
I see her hurting - it makes my stomach turn - i prepare myself for another talk.
I see her not hurting (outwardly) - the last thing i want to do is bring it up and bring up the pain to the surface.
Based on this thread it would appear that me not talking about what i did - creates doubt if i am working at it ....
I write a daily email to her - a feelings check sort - of what i am thinking and feeling. Email - because i can speak without being interrupted .... and i get it out to her. Does this count for bringing it up?
It is not that i want to do just enough to help her - i want to do all i can - but at times, i am not sure if i am hurting her more or pulling her through .... i don't know.