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User Topic: hanging on by a thread
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Barely. I don't know what happened. I was rinsing out the kitchen sink and I got sick. I am shaking, crying inside and want to run outside screaming like a banshee. But I can't because of the kids. I was looking at a kitchen knife earlier and wanted to stab it into the cutting board. I am still dwelling on the sound it would make, how it would feel. But I am scared if I start I won't stop. I want to tear something hit something destroy something the way i was destroyed.
My gut hurts. Not my stomache, my gut, my core. It hurts. And I have had to go over typo after typo because I can't quit shaking.
Please is any of this normal? I am in IC. Had a session today. It was difficult.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1716 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((whiteflower))

can you hang on till the kiddos are in bed and go to town with a bat and a garbage can? till then, keep posting.. we're here


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They know I am off. They can tell. My DD12 just hugs me and cries.
I am dry heaving.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1716 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Assure her you're having a rough time right now and you love her. She's probably scared for you.

For right now, at this moment, just breath. Concentrate....in, out, in out. Get control over this one thing. it's going to be okay.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Is there anyone you can call and talk to, or who can come over and hold your hand for a while? Sister? Best friend?

I think it is normal to be so upset and filled with anger and despair that you don't know what to do with it. I have certainly been there many times since this whole mess started. But those awful feelings are not permanent. Keep breathing!


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 192 | Registered: Jul 2013
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.
I am breathing.
He told me today he wants to R.
He wants to fight for us.
Everything hurts.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1716 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get through tonight. Tackle the other crap later when you've got your feet back under you.

I know it hurts honey. I know .


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there. You will be ok.

I am sorry, this is the most difficult time.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is one good thing that you can do for yourself right now? Put some music on in the background? Make yourself a cup of tea? Run a hot bath and soak? Just one good thing. (((hugs)))

And, FWIT, I did take out a knife one night when I just snapped. Took a Persian carpet outside to the table and stabbed it, and cut large holes and chunks out of it. It felt good. Really good, especially the part where I whispered his name every time I sawed a chunk out of the carpet. I daresay that we have all had our cat-fit days.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4857 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids are in bed but not asleep. My head feels like it's going to explode.
The knife thing is normal? I have a cutco chef knife he gave me for Valentine's Day. I wanted to cut the couch. How f^cked up is that?
Why the he'll did this happen NOW???
Tea sounds good. Burning sage and breathing deep. But still can't stop shaking.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1716 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((whiteflower))))

How are you doing today, sweetie?

Please check in when you can.

Hugs....


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
lisaloo
♀ Member
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to tear something hit something destroy something the way i was destroyed.
My gut hurts.

I ABSOLUTELY get this...I was fortunate enough to have my parents take DD for a weekend after Dday2, and I spent that first night of her absence going through the house with scissors cutting up pictures of him, tearing up papers and greeting cards, and I literally ripped apart a few shirts I had given as a gift...I felt infinitely better when I was done. It was an outlet for all that emotion inside of me that I couldnt really name or release. So...I'm guessing that yes, it is normal (and if not, at least you're in good company )


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
Topic Posts: 12

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