One of my reqs for R was a release that allowed my W's IC to talk to me. She said that, if I asked her questions, she'd probably set up a joint session as the venue for answering, but that was OK with me.
I'm particularly interested in my W's goals and progress. Is she committed to R? Or is she bullshitting me while using IC to get the strength to split? Is he moving toward her goals, or is she spending the sessions doing mental masturbation?
I suggest you get this type of release, or at least set up a joint session to find out what she's told her IC and what her goals and progress are.
It sounds like you've got a desire to create deep and lasting emotional bonds, but she says she can't do it.
If this is a requirement for you (that is, you'll split if you she doesn't deliver), I urge you to let her know that - but that means you pretty much have to split if she doesn't deliver. Bluffs don't really work well in R....
I'm really sorry you're in this, and I'm sorry your W is so unemotional. IMO, you have to risk a lot to get what you want, but I think you'll find the risk is worth it.