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User Topic: drinking too much?
letitout
♀ Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm scaring myself. After finding out about A I lost a bunch of weight and started having a drink at night. First it was one with my H at dinner, now I have a few before he comes home then another with him. I never was a drinker, even when I was young.

H and I also go out to eat on weekends and now I go just to get the drinks, forget the food. I usually take most of it home. I have now started to drink during the day. I am trying to gain weight and put it in my ensures that I drink during the day. It is taking more and more alcohol to get that "numb" feeling and it's scaring me. Alcoholism runs in my family.

Another deadly combination is I also take xanax for anxiety. I don't know where this is going. I find myself wanting a drink all the time now.

Perhaps this is just a phase. I feel like I have gone through so much lately. Depression pre A, the A, getting a job, losing a job, my dad dying, DD that has an eating disorder, R is not for sissys and scares me. So much to go through.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there,

Sounds like you are having a very rough time so I'm sending you massive (((((hugs)))))Letitout.

It also sounds like you are punishing yourself for the things that have happened to you. Please stop.
These crises and events are NOT YOUR FAULT.

You are strong
You are caring
You have a sensitive soul
You are kind
You are loyal
You are faithful
You are respectful
You are responsible
You are beautiful

Now, be kind and caring to yourself. I am no expert and they'll be people along soon who are better equipped to help so I'll just share what I do.
When I am overwhelmed by urges to indulge in alcohol etc I grab a handful of minties and leave the house and walk...and walk...and suck minties...when my pocket is empty I return home and put the kettle on. ( A bit mad, I know, but it works).
I have also decided that the only way to be on top of all this is for my mind to remain crystal clear.
You have clarity of vision because you have already recognised your behaviour as detrimental.
Sleep well
Eat well
Drink water
Breathe deeply
These are true gifts for your troubled mind and spirit and they will help you navigate this tangled path.
My thoughts are with you xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you and want you to know that trying to numb your feelings with alcohol is only going to get worse and you need to set limits for yourself. I got so bad that I would pass out and not remember what I did or said the night before.

I am in counseling that has helped me a lot. You can try AA too. You need to get it under control before it controls you.

You may be numbing the pain for the moment but the thoughts come back 10 fold and you then have to stuff more of your feelings down and down again until you explode in a very messy way. Usually after I have had a couple to loosen my tongue.

I can so relate to what you are going through. (((HUGS)))


Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a thread in off topic about this right now started by twitchy. I replied there a couple times. I can relate. Feel free to PM me, I'm no longer drinking.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The worst part about those drinks is they work for a minute. I know.

Now you see it. Now is the time for help. For you!!!!


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you drink to medicate (to numb you, to deal with stress, to deal with pain) you are entering rocky territory. When you find yourself leaning on it a lot (every day or several times a week) or are binge drinking, it's a good idea to have a sit down with your dr (or IC or AA) to figure out what is motivating you and find coping skills that will end up being better for you than alcohol.

The really crappy thing is that we need to go through that raw pain state. It's the road bump towards healing. When someone self medicates, they're just stalling out before the road bump. They still have to go over it to get to a really happy place. Don't delay yourself getting to a place of true happiness.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
thepilgrim
♂ New Member
Member # 41275
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I have gone through so much lately. Depression pre A, the A, getting a job, losing a job, my dad dying, DD that has an eating disorder, R is not for sissys and scares me.

It sounds like the last thing you need in your life is alcohol addiction. Drug and alcohol addiction will really get in the way of reconciliation. You should immediately stop drinking. Especially never drink for the "numbness," since becoming numb means you have drank too much.


Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
letitout
♀ Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all of your advise. Not one of you told me it was ok, which I needed to hear. I just got back from a friends party though and she kept filling up my wine glass. Very seductive feeling to just let all your troubles float away. I get it though. I need a clear head to keep me going in the right direction and to make life changing decisions.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
hurt5
♂ New Member
Member # 30565
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I can relate to what you are going through because I'm going through it myself. I have been drinking more and more, even in the morning and through the day. It starts to control your life.

What I have found that is helpful is to exercise. It makes you feel good about yourself and obviously you don't drink or want to while you are exercising. You should try it - it will make you feel better about yourself and reduce your need to drink


Posts: 33 | Registered: Dec 2010
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

letitout,

BIG WARNING:
You cannot continue mixing the Alcohol and XANAX...As you stated: This is a dangerous and DEADLY combination.

Please talk to your doctor: It is obvious you are depressed. Depression is not "a phase."

We're all here to help and support each other...I want you to be healthy and ok.

(((HUGS)))


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6113 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LIO, you're right and I heard what you said. When I thought I had a problem years ago, I asked my therapist who pooh-poohed it. They were wrong.

Stop NOW. While you still can.

If you still can.

If you cannot, GET HELP NOW.

[This message edited by MissMouseMo at 11:44 PM, November 30th (Saturday)]


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 253 | Registered: Feb 2013
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate very much to this. Your self medicating pure and simple. My drinking started just to get some sleep. But it really began to get out of hand. I was drinking daily and I would say I was borderline Alcoholic. I guess I was what they call a functioning alcoholic. I was able to work and actually perform at a high level. My career soared during this time, but my health started to decline. I was able to reel myself in before I needed rehab. But that's where I was headed. I even continued to drink after I came to terms with my M imploding and subsequent D. What helped me was I went back to therapy, this time it was to concentrate on my own issues and underlying causes. While my M certainly was part of it. I learned that I had many other issues that I never dealt with. My therapist and I dissected my life piece by piece. I had some issues going back to my childhood that I finally confronted. It was not an easy thing to do, but it had to be done. I'm happy to say that it worked for me. I attended a few AA meetings but found I did not respond well to their structure and steps. But I certainly learned a lot from those fine folks. My therapist said I was lucky because if I went another 6 months without help I most likely would have been a full blown alcoholic with all the misfortune that went with it. So the sooner you seek help the better. They say if you think you have a problem you usually do. I have not gotten drunk in 3 years now. And I certainly don't miss it one bit.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Nov 2007
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just noticed I was in general. Apologies for posting here. JD

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 7:04 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((letitout))) I just posted a VERY similar thread in Off Topic.

I'm scared too. I'm 9 years short of my retirement I plan to enjoy it ttraveling and doing the things I enjoy. Not fighting this.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 610 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
prowoman
♀ Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alcoholism runs in my family.

This is definitely something to take seriously. It absolutely matters and it is a slippery slope. I say this because I'm in the same boat. I have had similar feelings to you. I say set limits for yourself. Don't drink every day. Don't drink to try and change your mood. Don't drink fast, and don't ever drink to the point where you don't remember things you did the next day.

Another deadly combination is I also take xanax for anxiety.

This is seriously dangerous, deadly combination is not an overexaggeration. Please don't do this, and absolutely DO NOT drive!!!

Please know I don't say any of this with the slightest bit of judgement, I only say it because I have been there. And the I truly believe the only thing that kept me this side of the line is seeing how alcoholism affected people i love. through isolated incidents related to family members who were just out drinking, who didn't have a history of fucking shit up, who weren't called out to be, or admit themselves to be "alcoholics" who by all means were fulfilling their obligations, one incident can seriously harm your life. You don't want to let it get to that point ever.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13- OC due June14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK so you realize your are doing it, and it's too much. Great. First step.

Next you need to go see your Dr. and talk about options other than alcohol to help you deal, and xanax is just a temporary thing just like alcohol. You need to find a way to deal with all the issues, and upset in your life in a more productive manner. In addition you may benefit from an antidepressant, or even be worked up for ADD/ADHD, as many of us with that tend to self medicate as well.

Keep the liquor out of the house, and skip going out where there is alcohol for a few weeks, and start to transition to not drinking for the feeling, but more for the enjoyment of the flavor, and look at it as a treat.
AA has an all or nothing approach to addiction, and for some folks that works, but you really have to figure out how to deal with what is bothering you. Afterall if you were addicted to eating or shopping, those are not things that you can do without, you have to learn how to manage.

Try to exercise, when you feel the desire to drink. Keep busy, keep a structure. I found I was drinking way to much post dday, because of the sleep issue, I wasn't sleeping, and when I did I had horrible nightmares, the alcohol prevented that, of course I was probably really just passing out. I realized it was bad, and really cut back. I do like my wine, and I have to make sure I keep my consumption in check.

Talk to your H, and family about it, and ask them to support you, and help you. Do not be ashamed. If you are not in IC already, please consider giving it a whirl, and find a therapist that deals wiht addictions, and infidelity if possible.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7799 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I drink too much now also. Lately I've been cutting back, waiting til friday.

Odd, before dday she was alcoholic and I was a teetotaler-now she no longer drinks(nearly 6 yrs sober) but I do.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5386 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Topic Posts: 17

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