Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Nail Biting and Skin Picking....
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Frustrated  Posted: 9:31 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...I bite my nails.....I bite them so far down that my fingers all hurt. I also will pick at the skin around my fingers and down my fingers to my palm (mostly using a pair of nail clippers as a tool to help)

I know I shouldn't do it. I tell myself to stop all the time. And, then 5 minutes later....I'm biting or picking again. Most of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it until I really stop to think about it. Its become a 2nd nature thing....like blinking almost! But, Its gotten worse over the last 6 months.....I used to not pick my skin so far down my fingers but my hands look awful. I'm pretty sure its stress related.... and I am an overly anxious person by nature...then you add in the outside factors of being a single full-time working mom....my brain is on super overdrive all the time!

I used to get my fingernails done with fake nails because I wouldn't bite those, but I'm a single mom and its just too expensive to get my nails done....even once a month (which is what I would do....let them grow out as far as I could and even break a few before getting them re-done instead of the token "every 2 weeks" thing)

For any recovered nail biters.....how did you stop? What can I do to get rid of this habit. I hate it...and I hate the way my hands, fingers, and nails look..... is there even any hope for normalcy for this problem? I've heard they actually consider it a type of OCD disorder behavior....

And, yes...I know there are a TON of germs and bacteria and God knows what else that spreads with nail biting...I've read all the horror stories online and it hasn't deterred my behavior.... I need concrete ideas to help me stop because reading all of the "Why not tos" doesn't seem to work for me....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:38 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I weaned myself off of it. I allowed myself to only bite my pinkie nails for, probably a year. By the time I broke the habit of biting all the others, it was easy to give up biting those two. But, my pinkie nail was bitten down as far as I could for awhile.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is bitter stuff you can put on your nails, or maybe wear gloves?


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only problem with wearing gloves and/or bandaids on my fingers is that I work an office job and am typing all day long and can't type with those on my hands..... cause I tried putting tape on my fingers, which made typing very difficult...

I like the idea of allowing just one finger per hand.... that might work....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like Weatherly's idea -- start limiting which fingers, or something similar to reduce slowly -- and the key will be to find some replacement behavior! So instead of biting, fidget with a bracelet, or chew gum, or something that gives you a similar sense of anxiety relief but is less damaging or more socially acceptable.

The other thing I'd recommend, but may be difficult to manage give your sitch, is therapy to do longer term anxiety management work. But that's longer term.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a chronic nail biter from age 3 into my 20s. I still do it from time to time but not nearly as often as I used to.

What helped me was always keeping my nails polished. I was much less likely to bite in that case.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2232 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't chew my nails anymore but I do pick at the skin.

It's an anxiety disorder called dermatilomania (sp.)my nails look lovely but my cuticles are a mess. It's a vicious cycle, they are dry so I pick them, then they bleed and get scabby so I pick that too.

Cuticle oil with gloves at night, slather that stuff on and go to bed, after about a week everything should heal up.

You also need to find out what your triggers are, what are you thinking about when you start to chew?


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5450 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found putting tea tree oil ( you can buy a bottle for $5) at walmart makes them taste so nasty I didn't want that taste. You can also buy the DIY fake nails kits and do your own.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I picked at the skin around my nails for years, so badly that they were chronically swollen. It was like a callous almost, a build up of extra skin from years of picking.

I stopped by using good cuticle scissors every night and keeping then with me at all times. The smallest hangnail causes me to start picking, so I had to keep trimming away hangnails and extra skin. It took a long time to break the habit.

It took years for the skin to truly heal and my hands to look normal. Years.

I still pick when nervous or stressed.

I've never bitten my nails, so no advice.

Honestly, breaking this habit was harder than quitting smoking. Good luck.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1679 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, breaking this habit was harder than quitting smoking. Good luck.

I can believe that...even though I've never smoked.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my best friends is a therapist and a nail biter. I'm a cuticle and pimple picker. Picking at even the smallest blemish used to majorly relieve my stress.

She explained that it is a form of OCD, but is also considered self-mutilation.

I kind of went cold turkey and quit picking my blemishes and then set up rules to only pick at my thumb cuticles. My hands used to be really torn up so I restricted myself.

Awareness of the behavior and triggers helped a lot. I can feel my fingers gravitate to my thumbs when I start to feel anxiety or stress. A lot of that behavior is unconscious so paying attention to your feelings as it's happening can help break the cycle.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have my 10 dd in therapy for this. She pics her skin around her nails to bleeding. They are puffy and sore looking. She is working with an OCD specialist.

She explained that the picking is anxiety driven/boredom driven. So when dd is anxious, it helps to calm her down, when she is bored, it gives her "input". The goal is to keep her more "level" and not too high (anxious) and not too low (bored).

The first recommendation has been to put bandaids just on the thumbs, it prevents you from picking the other nails.

The second is to find something else she can hold that gives her the "stimulation" of picking. Sounds totally crazy, but she is obsessed with balloons filled with flour. You tube/Google it..they are strangely relaxing to just hold in your hand and fiddle with, a cheap "stress ball".

Then we use Cetaphil creme to help heal.

It is slowly working….


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello My name is Tush and I am a picker as well.
I have been picking since I was a kid, and it is a form of OCD, and I find my worst times are when I am stressed or bored.

I find that the artificial nails help to heal everything up, because I can't get in there and pick, but I have been known to pick off the nails as well. My friend who's daughter did this as well as many other OCD issues took SSRI's and she stopped completely. Something to consider, but I don't want to be on a med for it. But hey there are times they are so sore, that it would probably be a smart option.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One more thing I remembered, the OCD specialist recommended I buy dd a "spinner ring" (you can google those too). It is something you can quietly fiddle with and is on your finger. I'm looking for a kid-sized one.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 14

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.