Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Having a hard time this week.
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

help the kids with homework, it's time to get started dinner. She usually makes it home from work about then and I clean up a little. She does absolutely nothing in the house. 

Replace "she" with "he" and you have my every evening.

Once you start doing the 180 and doing more for yourself and doing things with the girls you'll start to feel stronger. It will give you the confidence boost you need.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to say but...
what a Bitch.. Sending hugs. I too am having a bad week. Stay strong you deserve a better person.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Came home and enjoyed the night with my daughters. Mommy is sleeping on the couch again tonight. We didn't talk much because she was busy with her phone. It felt like a small win for me but she hardly noticed me so it wasn't that hard


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
quoththeraven1
♂ Member
Member # 35458
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, I'm really, really sorry. Second, having lived through it, what you described isn't annoyance, it's contempt. Third, we reconcile, not because we have to, but because we have evaluated the situation, and find that there is something worth saving for the future. For me, that was only really possible once I put divorce on the table, and I mean really put it there, in my own mind. Until then, no matter what was said, in her mind she held all of the cards and was willing to play them any way that suited her (and the piece of garbage she was seeing).
Again, I'm really, really sorry. But you need to understand that the person living in your home is no longer the woman you loved and married. You need to adjust your treatment of her accordingly. this doesn't mean that she cannot choose to become a decent person again, but that isn't happening. Thus, you must either adjust your philosophy or submit to her whims. To me, there is no remorse here at all, but a sense of complete entitlement. I can't tell you why this is exactly, but I can tell you that I had to deal with it in other marriages, and then finally had to face it in my own. When people choose to behave this way, for some reason it makes them insufferably arrogant and in their minds, turns the spouse into something unrecognizable. You are an inconvenience keeping her from happiness and fulfillment. And the more you try, the more contempt you will experience.
Again, I'm really, really sorry

Posts: 166 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Appalachia
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing today?


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It felt like a small win for me but she hardly noticed me so it wasn't that hard

She noticed. Believe me, she noticed. When I did the 180, didn't seem like he noticed. Only took 2 days, he noticed.

But do you and quit worrying about her noticing. That first step forward is a doozy and you did it. Now keep walking strong, hon.
K?

We got your back!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to keep my mind off of it today. I listen to music a lot. One day at a time.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes, just one minute at a time....

Stay strong. Focus on you and your girls. You sound like a wonderful man and father. She doesn't deserve you. Really, she doesn't.

I hope you will find your joy and eventual peace. She is making that very difficult for you, I get it.

Just keep taking care of yourself and being the best dad you can for your girls. Happiness will come to you again!!!!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 715 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to keep my mind off of it today. I listen to music a lot. One day at a time.

Some days that's all you can do, and that's all right. Try to take time out for yourself, even if it's a walk around the neighborhood.

Still sending you strength. You'll get through this.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need a win today really bad. I need something to make me feel good.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you like to do?

Your girls a the same ages as my two. What do they like to do? I'm not what part of the US you're located, but if it's warm enough, could you go to the park with? There's nothing better then swinging with your kids or racing down a slide. That always makes me laugh.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in Oklahoma. Mixed rain and ice today with temps barely in the 30s. Might be a movie night


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, rain and ice make it difficult to enjoy a park. A movie night sounds great! Frozen comes out in a few days. That might be a fun one to go to. My daughter wants to see that.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Made sugar cookies and decorated them with the girls. Also put up the tree and plan to decorate it today


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like the perfect way to spend the day with them


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was short lived. The ice Queen came home and accused me of trying to win the kids over. Then she jumped in our activities. I wasn't about to say no in front of the girls. I just kept my distance and gave my attention to the girls


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180, 180, 180 and then for variety, 180. Work on you. Exclude her from as much of your life as you can. She is the LAST person you should be turning to for support.

Don't be there when she gets home. Be at a park, a movie or the swimming pool. Don't cook for her. Don't do her dishes. Quit giving her the support you have for years. If you do the laundry, let hers sit. Make it a point to enjoy your life. Have the kids help cook.
Point being, 180. Do it for you.

5454real gave some great examples of doing the 180 and it will also help you detach! Of course it's not easy to detach from someone after having such a long shared history with them.

So many of us have been in your shoes and we know how gutwrenching and difficult this is (((No12turn2))), they will just suck the life right out of you if you let them. Stay strong!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did great on 180 last night and this morning. Went to bed without saying goodnight to her like I always do. As I was walking to the room she said goodnight almost like I forgot to say it. I was polite and replied in a friendly manner but I didn't look at her. She slept on the couch again.

This morning she was getting ready for work and she mentioned that the couch wasn't comfortable. She said she wished I would go stay with my brother for the weekend (like I have every weekend) so she could sleep in the bed. I told her that I didn't feel like doing that anymore.

Next, she noticed it was snowing outside. I usually warm up her car for her but today I started watching some cooking shows. She noticed immediately and said the one day I need you to warm up my car and you didn't do it. I didn't reply


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had a trigger moment today. Found some pictures of her all dolled up on the computer and the date matched the time that she was talking to OM1. Thankfully the Ice Queen was at work.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
blue8888
♀ New Member
Member # 40896
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I had a rough day myself letting the OW creep into my thoughts too much today and it just made me depressed so I don't know why I did it to myself.

I also have to live with my WS for now and it's awful.

Hugs, just keep being a great Dad and taking care of yourself.

[This message edited by blue8888 at 12:09 AM, November 25th (Monday)]


Me- BW 31, WH- 29
M 11 yrs Together 13
2 kids (special needs)
Last Dday 9/26/13 EA w/ 19 yr old OW, too many prior EAs to list, one he kissed
Divorcing
My value hasn't decreased based on his inability to see my worth.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.