[This message edited by persevere at 11:15 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
I know that if I ever discover that someone I've met is still married, it wouldn't ever develop into a situation where I was knowingly the OW. That's different than my XWH's situation. His OW knew. If it happened to me unknowingly I'd feel terrible of course, but not guilty because it would have been without my knowledge, kwim? And I'd out the cheater to his wife too...
It is a risk, but I have found it to be a pretty small one...
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
I'm meeting a new guy this week, and his FaceBook page showed he was in a relationship. BUT, I could tell it looked like he isn't very active on FB, and they had broken up by the recent photos. So, instead of freaking out, I just sent him an email and asked. He said, "I have no idea how to remove that! I just started on FB not too long ago, and my side says I'm single!" He just hasn't figured out how to remove the post stating "in a relationship.
Oddly, this is how my ex was "outed". His long-term affair partner knew he was married with kids, but his last "fling" was told he was divorced with kids. That man became suspicious and Googled me, found my blog and emailed me.
Google them before you agree to meet them.
have you met someone and later discovered they were married, engaged, in a relationship, etc?
Yes, I have. We only dated for a month, but talked almost everyday. We met for dinner, lunch, happy hour, etc.... When I discovered he was married (always listen to your gut), I tracked his wife down and told her what he was doing. I also sent her a copy of all correspondence and his online dating profile.
I've dumped a glass of red wine over a married man's head.
The first was during the first S - I was out and about having a great time and this guy chats me up. He was gorgeous - no mention of wife/kids. A while into the evening he puts his hand on my leg. I see the wedding ring. "You're married????", "Yes, is that a problem?". Wine dump # 1.
Wine dump # 2 was pretty much exactly the same except he said "Oh, yes - forgot to mention that".
What a waste of wine. I'd love to hear how they explained that to the wife.
Note to self - if husband comes back with red wine over his head dump his sorry arse.
I gave up OLD after I met another guy...liked him ok...we met for lunch or dinner several times. And then one day he turned into Scary Man...thank god, in public. Turns out he had so many DUI's he'd lost his license for 10 years, was driving an uninsured car registered in his dad's name, and furious at the world that this had happened to him. His temper snapped one day at lunch, and it all came out.
I did not feel "broken" when I was doing OLD, but I sure was attracting it, somehow. Never again. I was happy on my own when I tried OLD. In a really good place in life. I'm even happier now! I don't feel that I must be with anyone. I decided if I meet someone it will be the old fashioned way.
And it did. Sort of. High school sweetheart found me on the Internet. We live in different states, but we spend about 20 hours a week on the phone. We've had a weekend in my town, and I'm taking a trip to his soon. It's going GLORIOUSLY SLOWLY. It may not even develop into something long term. It's just fun, and right, and good.
So be careful. Listen to your gut, always. And be happy with yourself above all, because it you that will always be there for yourself.