He does not know that I know about his infidelity because I need to get myself in a better position financially. We have 3 children and I am a stay at home mom. So we depend on him 100% for financial support. This is my biggest fear! If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it! I want to confront him so bad, but I know if he left there is no way I can financially support my children. Any advice on how to confront him about this and what should I do before I confront him is greatly appreciated. It is burning me up inside-I cant even be in the same room as him w out shaking.
[This message edited by Alpine72 at 9:46 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]
My WW got pretty crafty with excuses and made it seem like I was going insane. Just keep at it until you have enough to say for sure. There is no advice from me on your current financial situation and I'm sorry for that. I know there are people here that can give you encouragement. (((Alpine72)))
Knowing the details doesn't always make you feel satisfied. In my case, it just made me want to burn a perfectly good couch!
I do have an appointment w an attorney today to see what advice she gives me. Im just so sick that he would do such a thing and ruin his family.
You know he's cheating. You friend also knows. He knows as well. That's all the reason you need to seek legal advice.
See what the lawyer says, and then plan your confrontation, if you plan to confront, well. There are some very good articles on this forum that have bulls-eyes on them. I will try to bump some relevant ones for you to read. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
You do need to find out what kind of laws apply where you live. In the meantime, keep your cards to your chest, gather what evidence you can without going overboard and get some help.
Infidelity leads to extreme emotional trauma - of a type that few people can understand who haven't been through it. We understand - keep reading and posting here. You should think about finding someone to talk too - a therapist who can give you a safe place to work things out.
Once you have some idea of where you stand legally, you will need to confront him. The key is to show him how strong you are - even if you feel utterly alone and dependent. Read the 180 Rules (they are in the FAQ section somewhere). They provide some great tips on how to hold yourself and how to behave during this rollercoaster.
Don't try to plan your future - this is all too fresh for you to know if you want to reconcile - even if he swears he loves you and that he will be good forever. You will need months or even a few years to get past this, to find out if you can love him again.... marriages can be saved, but it aint easy.
You will get through this, it will get better. Don't rush to divorce or to reconcile. Your goal should be to buy some time - six months during which you may not love each other much, but you won't hurt each other or make things worse.
Good luck to you.
You do need to confront him - do it as calmly as you can. Control your anger - you have every right to erupt, but it won't help you or your children to do so.
I cant even look at him at this point so R is not even in my vocab right now. After showing him the concrete proof I had- he did say he went there and didn't only have a massage. He says lots of men do it and its not that bad. BUT the story is different if I were to do something like this though... I am so sad his selfish behavior has crushed our family. I will never be able to trust him! I will second guess everything he does and says. I just need to decide -Do I really want to live the rest of my life like this??? Im not so sure.
He was going to leave and get a hotel last night but I didn't want the kids to suspect anything. So he stayed home and slept on the couch.
Yes, these are difficult times! I found out about my WH cheating with his employee a month ago and am still physically and emotionally distraught.
I agree with others that there is no hurry to make a decision. This forum will help you stay strong.
Good luck - whatever YOUR decision.
That said, don't rush anything right now. Take a few months (6 months) to heal before any decisions. I'm not justifying his scummy behavior - but some marriages do heal - but it takes a long time before love or even friendship returns - a long time and lots of effort.
That said, a marriage is a terrible thing to waste - which is my way of saying that divorce sucks. It really does.
Good luck - remember, you will get through this, you will.
Thank you all so much for giving me advice and helping me thru this. You have NO idea just how much it means that you take time the to help a total stranger. Forever grateful!!!