Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Life sure does suck the big one sometimes.
No amount of 'money' is worth living in hell.
My exH(many years ago) still to this day does not realise that when he smugly walked away with half the money that I would have given him the whole lot just to be shot of him forever. (I wanted a number plate that said 'I WIN' )
Your WH is holding you to ransom...what a bully. Crikey, I would be tempted to give all my money to a cats' home and start again.
Money is not what life is about.
Love, that's what makes the world go round...
The giving and receiving of love. Even the thought makes me feel lighter and look, I can see the sun coming up on a beautiful new day.
((((hugs)))) and strength x
Perhaps he will not split, because he doesn't want to deal with child support. So he refuses to leave and stays while doing what he wants.
Speaking of children...is this what you want your son to see how women should be treated like?
You need to leave. You know you deserve better. You answered your own question.
This is no fog...this man has written you off. If he loved you...he would have some remorse...he would definitely not contact her in front of you.
He is afraid of losing his free ride. Kick him out...let him live with his girlfriend or parents. He is not your child. He is not your responsibility.
I would do more research to play the system in your state.
The cheating spouse gets alimony? He cheats and benefits? What protection do you get?
I agree money isn't everything but people like me would be struggling too much to survive day to day after a D to feel much peace and liberation...
It takes TIME and PATIENCE to figure out the system and how it works.. Much of what happens in D settlement is about what economic/health/employment status the spouses are and the what level of financial dependance or independence they have from the other..
So in a pending D in my state, the cheater can play the system by not working and staying financially dependent on the breadwinner spouse..In a longer marriage with an older couple, the cheater spouse can be more successful at playing the system enough to rape the breadwinner spouse financially in a D thus ruining the breadwinner spouses future..
In my state one cannot throw out the cheating spouse if the cheating spouse refuses to leave unless there is a restraining order involved..
Yes, cheaters seem to have way too much power and too many rights legally...
I think our state's legal system makes a contested D so difficult and expensive in efforts to minimize the number of these cases going thru the courts..
[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:00 AM, November 18th (Monday)]
It's time for you to come first, and it is not to late to do it. I really do wish you the best and still wonder what makes people do these things to the people they supposedly love.
But, I have another question to throw out to the group. He is home most week nights and makes dinner for my son (and by default me). I travel quite a distance for work so I rarely get home before 7-7:30. It is a big help to me so I kinda want to keep him around for that. Crazy?
Thank God I started the D. He's run up so much debt since I filed, and guess what? NOT MY PROBLEM. ANY OF IT.
I agree with finding an alternative to your son getting dinner. You don't need this guy for anything..
What seems to be the thing that keeps so many of us living in an in house separation is that we CANNOT afford to give up that 1/2.. or there is some other simultaneous complicating circumstance that may be happening..
My case in point...
If one isn't healthy enough to work full time, and only makes a little over $1000 a month in pension, than how does one live on 1/2 of that? Until I have that one figured out, regain my health, or finish getting my ducks in a row ( whichever comes first) I cannot afford my own place..
I don't think I could live in the same house with WH once I file for D even though that is a smart move to protect myself from further debt......There are no joint accounts of any kind that he can spend from...
What I say/write below of my situation seems to be a common scenario that applies to many other people...
Once I have WH served, I better already be gone.. I will already have to have moved anything of mine with actual or sentimental value ( including my beloved pets) to a safe place before WH gets served..This is why I have to afford/secure a place of my own before I file..
If WH is forced out of the home and I retain exclusive possession, than I am gonna be in the ugly position of looking over my shoulder, to avoid physical danger/ retaliation from him...
I don't have anybody to stay with who would allow me to bring my beloved doggie companions( and support me until I get on my feet) or I would have been gone already as of a couple of months ago... I would rather hang in there and figure out a way to live on my own where I wouldn't have to be without my beloved companions.... (substitute kiddo for doggie and you have the problem of many SAHM's)
[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:37 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]