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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with the DO NOT ignore the not being allowed to talk to your children thing.

It is not ok for her to do this. You deserve to speak with them everyday if you choose.

Listen she is so off the damn deep end, I would actually be concerned about her pulling a If I can't have what I want then you can't have your kids stunt. I don't want to scare you, but please make sure you have daily contact with them, when they are with her. Your son is old enough to let you in on anything that may not be on the up and up.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8472 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad wrote:

My prediction is she has or will change her mind yet again, and/or added/deleted language to the MSA even though she already has signed.

I am bitterly patting myself on the back: Sure enough, after signing the MSA Saturday, CSTBX then wrote more changes into the hard copy. Most aren't significant, but one is. In any case we are going to ask the judge tomorrow to make a final ruling on Saturday's MSA and throw out the latest.

My attorney said her attorney reports that STBX is very unstable and "slurring her words."

(She is on massive amounts of klonopin, I'm sure.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1615 | Registered: Dec 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How safe is she around the children..considering her "massive amounts" of Klonopin?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7400 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I must be short, sorry:

Tell your lawyer about klonopin. Perhaps think about this: You two can keep it as a last minute bargain chip before you all enter the courtroom, e.g. that you will demand mandatory weekly(or sth like that) for Both of you for a trial period of____ , unless she agrees to the MSA she signed, without the last significant change that's the deal breaker for your.

Best wishes

[This message edited by HobbesTheTiger at 4:41 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 171 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You DO NOT mess with Klonopin (or any other benzo -- Valium, Xanax, Ativan, what have you). In my opinion AT MOST benzos are okay for one to two months of limited use, maybe for panic attacks or the like, but enough people have bad experiences getting off them long term (like REALLY bad experiences--it can make quitting smoking seem trivial)...

Sorry to derail, but I feel really horrified at how casually benzos are used. Heads up that if she's been on benzos for a long time and she tries to come off them she may get pretty messed up for about a year past her last dose. (Or she may be completely fine.. depends on the person.)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 826 | Registered: Nov 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continuous stream of strength heading your way, AD. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

((((AD & kiddos))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25299 | Registered: Aug 2011
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could she be trying to set up some type of "diminished capacity" situation to overturn the MSA in the future?

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6538 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The latest from her attorney to mine:

"I've got to tell you that I am really uncomfortable meeting with the judge at 9:30 AM. STBX still wants to make changes to the MSA."

My attorney:

"I will not start negotiating anything else. I will want to enforce the agreement made on Saturday, but if that becomes impossible, then I am having to consider whether I think STBX lacks capacity to enter into a contract at this time. I am hoping that she is well and healthy tomorrow."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1615 | Registered: Dec 2012
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always admired lawyers and judges for their ability to write clearly and compellingly. Ha ha ha ha ha.

(Seriously, read a famous Supreme Court decision. They're all generally pretty good.)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 826 | Registered: Nov 2012
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have a savvy attorney!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry, double post w/ wonky laptop!

[This message edited by dreamlife at 6:39 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could she be trying to set up some type of "diminished capacity" situation to overturn the MSA in the future?

No way. She is too unintelligent, unknowledgeable, and uninsightful for that. This is the real her. She has the emotional intelligence of a child, and acts accordingly. She is in a very unstable state and is self-medicating. She checked herself into a psychiatric hospital some time before I met her. (I informed my attorney of this.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1615 | Registered: Dec 2012
k8la
♀ Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeating suggestion because it's even more apparent and alarming now: have your attorney request a full blown psych eval. Expect that you will have a psych eval too but you'll pass with flying colors, while she's likely to end up with supervised visitation until she's sane.

Posts: 149 | Registered: Feb 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Praying for you tomorrow!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4802 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck tomorrow, AD.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8002 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
mountainmomma
♀ Member
Member # 34388
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you today and wishing you well
You can do it, stay tough!.
MM


Me 37
WS 42 (Mitty)
4 kiddys 9,7,4 &20 mths no5 due August 14
seeing hookers, NSA sites, escorts, anyone willing from 07/08 (i didn't know)left to do full time with no restraints 2010 Returned home march 2011 in R DDay 2.4.2010 OW 30+ age 18-60

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: U.K
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today AD!


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you concerned about her mental state, AD? It's been suggested by several of us that you have your lawyer order a psychiatric evaluation. Maybe I've missed it, and you responded, but I can't find it. What are your thoughts on having this done? Do you think your children are safe with her? Physically and emotionally?

Good luck today!


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7400 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone, for your support. I feel good--especially after this late-breaking Email from her attorney to mine:

I talked to CSTBX. She is really shaken up about the judge wanting to see her at 9:30 AM. She says that she will not go to trial and will sign the MSA. Fingers crossed...


Just an FYI...I'm bringing a motion to w/draw with me tomorrow.

I must admit that somewhere in me--flickering, at a great distance--is sadness for my CSTBX. She must be a very unhappy person. And we were happy in our family. Life was good. It really was. So tragic that she chose this and dragged everyone down with her.

I will let you know how everything goes.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1615 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you concerned about her mental state, AD? It's been suggested by several of us that you have your lawyer order a psychiatric evaluation. Maybe I've missed it, and you responded, but I can't find it. What are your thoughts on having this done? Do you think your children are safe with her? Physically and emotionally?

I am indeed very concerned, and have written to my attorney expressing this. After today we will discuss again the possibility of psych evaluations for both of us. I do not believe the children are in active danger with her. I do not believe she would "do" anything TO them. I simply don't. What I am concerned with is that her actions will result in their being unsafe. KWIM?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1615 | Registered: Dec 2012
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