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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP Stupid phone

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 3:20 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've done nothing but make concessions for her craziness. She just keeps trying to prove to you that she is in control and she pulls all the strings.

Go to trial and let her put her craziness out there for everyone to see!!! IMHO.

A thousand times this. Tell her lawyer you need 3 days to think about her offer.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1898 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, everyone. I am considering your advice very seriously, as always. Have not heard from my attorney as to whether she signed.

Incidentally, all these communications have gone through the attorneys; I have not been communicating with her at all. She has been sending me texts over the past two days. I have ignored all of them.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wanted you to take less CS
give the bicycle
give the china wedding present from her mom
give the tv
Now, give the chair

You give and give and she just wants more and more to sign. She wants you to walk away and take nothing. I would keep the chair as it was a gift.


me 64
WH 66
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 357 | Registered: Mar 2011
mountainmomma
♀ Member
Member # 34388
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading your threads now for some time now but haven't posted till now,

I just want to say you've done so well to withstand this hell, and continue to do so.

It's just a couple of days now till you can wipe the floor with this beyotch, and put her in her place.

Please don't give her your chair, a gift from your kids. She can stick the $500 up. Her . Ass.

Let her show her colours on Tuesday, piss off the judge, everyone can see what a loon she is, the judge will too, you have a strong case. Let her unravel herself and eff it up for herself. Her solicitor is already pissed off with her to the nth degree, which will, I believe also work out in your favour.

Please don't accept less than what you deserve, in CS alimony, whatever it is. Don't let her off the hook. she's hoping your good nature will..... Don't do it. Remember your future with your kids.

You are one strong, strong man and you have many of us behind you.

Stay crickets about all of it till tubes, she's sweating, let her sweat with the silence and you go and clean up on Tuesday at court.

With lots of light
MM


Me 37
WS 42 (Mitty)
4 kiddys 9,7,4 &20 mths no5 due August 14
seeing hookers, NSA sites, escorts, anyone willing from 07/08 (i didn't know)left to do full time with no restraints 2010 Returned home march 2011 in R DDay 2.4.2010 OW 30+ age 18-60

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: U.K
MassOCH
♂ New Member
Member # 41555
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad:

I have been following your story now for literally months on end now and I want you to know how much I feel your pain and I am truly empathetic towards anyone going through a divorce. The reason I am replying is in regards to your chair, as you are SO CLOSE TO THE END here I don't want you to lose sight of the goal.

-- wavy lines --

11 years ago I started a divorce from a woman who had gone insane. I was with her half my life at that point and couldn't believe that she had cheated on me multiple times in the past and was in the middle of an emotional affair with one of my good friends! I will avoid all the scandalous details but I wanted to tell you this.

I filed for divorce literally like a few days before New Years of 2003. It took until JULY 2005 to finalize. Why?

She wanted the house, the 401ks, the cars, all our dogs, and everything in it. She was in school to be a paralegal and made my life hell with the things she would do. We would schedule mediation and she wouldn't show. We would agree on things and get them down on paper and suddenly she would change her mind. I had the strength to fight at first, but after a while I looked at the calendar and I was like, what the hell, when is it going to be time to restart my life?

At the end, I gave her like 1/3 of my 401k, half the house, the better car, most of the contents of the house, all of our dogs (including *MY* dog that I had since she was a puppy) primarily because I didn't want to keep this up anymore. At that point, I didn't feel like I was "winning" anything by having this drag out. I actually felt like it was a "win" to be in that courtroom, AT LAST, and listening to the judge grant me my dissolution of marriage.

-- /wavy lines --

I tell you this story not because I am telling you that I think you should just give up your chair. You know as well as I do that even if you said, sure, have the chair, let's sign the paper, and be done with it, that she could easily take this and ask for additional things. I totally relent that.

But - and I know this probably goes against much of the advice you are receiving here - in my case, I had such a terrible divorce that I realized, did I really want to keep anything from that marriage, anyway? I fought so hard to keep my couch because it was my first "real" piece of furniture when I had a great job and I could treat myself to something nice. A symbol of success. After the divorce and I got an apartment again, I put the couch in there and realized it didn't fit in my life anymore. Within a week I dragged it to the dumpster and picked up something cheap from IKEA to hold my living room over.

I know the chair symbolizes something great to you - it was a gift from your children on Father's Day. Even your kids call it, "Daddy's Chair." I'm sure when you sit on it you feel like the King of your Castle. Those kinds of feelings are what my couch made me feel - independence, success, maybe even wealth. But once that marriage was over, I found it wasn't the same for me anymore, and in fact that couch only brought back memories that I wanted to forget.

I wish you all the best these next few days and I hope things very much go your way. I merely wanted to share my story with you because for me, getting divorced was the real win, regardless of how much or how little I could have "punished" her or continued to drag that thing out.

Oh yeah - she called me last year "out of respect" to tell me that my dog was dying and if I wanted to go see the dog put down. For a minute, I thought she was trying to extend an olive branch and accepted the offer, upon which she said I could go as long as I paid for half the fees. After all, it was my dog. I told her to pound salt (not really, I used some choice profanities, but you get the idea).


Posts: 5 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: FL
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent you 2 pm's and also, another point about the the f'n chair. The kids think its your chair, label it your chair, and probably find comfort in YOUR chair. If you decide to give it up, your children will know it is your chair, think of you when they sit in the chair and will let AP know it was YOUR chair.

Its just a chair. She keeps trying to grab things that she thinks will hurt you. She takes pleasure in this, so I hope that you sharing the angst about all of this here on the board and not with anyone who might share it with her.

What are you doing to prep yourself for a trial this week? That's what we need to help you with, not her distractions over a fricken chair!


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
Beyond
♀ Member
Member # 3011
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD,

The thing with the chair is...that there will be other chairs. Meaning, you give in to this, and something else (another "chair") is coming, and soon. You're not fighting over a chair. You're battling a narcissist who has an endless supply of chairs.

Stand (or sit!!) firm on this particular chair.

From what I have learned from attorneys and mental health professionals, narcs in divorce cases often choose youngish/relatively inexperienced attorneys whom they can bully. My BFF's NPD XWH is on his fifth(some poor girl out of law school for like 10 minutes) - in one year's time. He, too, has many chairs.

Hang tough!

-Beyond


XOW.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Virginia
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, everyone. In the "keep the chair/give her the chair," saga, I've told my attorney she can have the chair. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone, but I can live without it. My children and I will have our new home, with a new TV and a new "Daddy's Chair" that they can pick out for me.

Received an email from her attorney: apparently she signed--but--shocking--not before she insisted on adding new language, something about "medical receipts for reimbursement" and "curbside pickup."

We haven't received the signed MSA so I don't know what the hell these additions mean. I have already provided all receipts or bank statements for children's medical costs she owes me.

In any case, my assumption is that despite her attorney acting on desperation that she sign and go away, these additions may not be acceptable to me and we will continue to trial.

As I and everyone here has concurred, it's just the next thing and the next thing.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a note about the value of household goods: these items are valued at fair market value -- NOT replacement value. So even if you were to decide to keep the chair, you would only *owe* her 'garage-sale' cost (and that is totally ignoring the fact that the chair was a *gift* to you.)

Her signing that MSA is good news and hopefully her added language is no big deal.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Funny  Posted: 7:50 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She signed! I have it. The added language is nothing important.

The latest email from her attorney to mine:

"...I don't have the original. She couldn't/wouldn't meet me today. When we hung up the phone she was really upset with me (b/c I told her I'd start billing for trial prep if the doc wasn't signed by today) and told me she might not get to the signing until Monday. She didn't get it signed till late in the afternoon. I was planning on getting the MSA tomorrow."

:-) :-) :-) (The smileys are all Abbondad's!)


[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:52 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All the material things can be replaced. Enough already. Buy a new TV and chair. Get rid of this nightmare. Control? Short lived. Let her and her family think they won. She fucked up a family. She's a dolt.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her pettiness is so ridiculous. My XWH was the same way with a snow shovel.

I thought to myself, with everything he put me through, now he wants the shovel too?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She signed and you're free. That is the most important part of all of this Congrats AD!! On to your new beginning


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD ,

I'm glad it's over for you. Now add in that she goes for a psych evaluation before you sign!!! (Just kidding-kind of)
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey abbondad... I've been following your story ...

You've got a few of us rooting for "team abbondad"

Hip hip hooray :)

[This message edited by Sadmumma at 9:18 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hooray!!! Another victory for the team. Imagine a circle of thousands lifting you up in celebration!!!


Dont get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.

Posts: 2712 | Registered: Jan 2010
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FANTASTIC!!!!!!


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

awesome. let's get this party started!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll join that conga line!

Fuck me you must feel like a gladiator.

What a C U Next Tuesday of a human being she is, AD. Seriously. Psych eval for her. Pronto.

You are free. Celebrate this, friend. It didn't need to go down like this but there is nothing you could have done to avoid it. Cyclone NPD sure likes to make a mess but you're OK because your foundations are solid.

Her extreme fuckery cured you of any notion that any of this shit was your fault. I call that a win.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
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