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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yah I dont' get the recreate the old home. This was supposed to be fresh start, a new adventure that the new home was for your new family, without CSTBXWW.

Personally the TV? I would be tempted to sell it on CL. Pocket the money, and when asked about it, say it was damaged in the move. FTB.

Or say it was damaged in the move, and put it in storage or with a friend until the D is final. FTB.

I mean come on. This is just another of her NPD attempts at inserting herself into your life. Now if you are gonna think of her everytime you turn the damn thing on, then drop it on the floor, bust it to smithereens, and go get a new one.

I know the temptation is to give her what she wants just to be done, but remember this is how insurance companies work too. They deny your claim, and deny it and deny it until you just give up.

Don't let her manipulate you in anyway. Less than 2 weeks from now the courts can see just how NPD CSTBXWW is.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moving is fun. Let the kids help pick out the new things.
Flexibility and rolling with the punches is a great life skill to learn.

You set the tone, here. Your kids would be fine in a tent, as long as you were OK with it.


Dont get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.

Posts: 2625 | Registered: Jan 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course I don't care about the TV--and if she didn't have one, I certainly would have given it to her. But this is clearly a matter of control, power and outright bullying.

As far as the kids: It has been very important to them that our new home has vestiges of the familiar. Now that I have moved virtually everything in, my son--who had been very apprehensive about the move--said recently, happily: "I love the new house! It has everything from home: the couch, the table, the TV..."

I even tried to reason with STBX (hit me) by telling her just this when she started in about other pieces of furniture she simply does not need. It clearly means nothing to her. Clearly, I'm not going to go to trial over a TV, but I really don't want to give it to her. And frankly, even if I did, it seems to have had some strange problems lately... Doesn't work quite so well as it should...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've come a long way.

Of course you know the TV doesn't mean anything to her. She is doing it because the TV means something to you...


Posts: 752 | Registered: Sep 2010
phillygirl
♀ Member
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to pop in and give you a high five and drop my 2 cents.

You have come sooooo far, you should be proud of yourself of how you handled all of this. You are almost free!

The TV? You bet this is just another power ploy. With people like this unfortunately you can't be nice, or just give in because then they keep pushing you to bend more and more and more.

Maybe tell her she can have that TV if she gives you the replacement cost for another one since she had previously agreed that you could have that one. Give her a choice. One that benefits you either way and yet seems like you are being reasonable and cooperative.


Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 825 | Registered: Dec 2005
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And frankly, even if I did, it seems to have had some strange problems lately... Doesn't work quite so well as it should...

You didn't perchance put a high powered magnet next to the TV? I hear they do weird and wacky things to the new big screens....


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1633 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe tell her she can have that TV if she gives you the replacement cost for another one since she had previously agreed that you could have that one. Give her a choice. One that benefits you either way and yet seems like you are being reasonable and cooperative.

That is smart. This strategy worked for me in my property talks with my STBXW. In my mediation, her strategy was to claim half of everything in the household, then offer the items back to me in exchange for cash value. I told her "No thanks" and that she could come pick the stuff up and take it out of the house within 30 days of the D, and that she'll need to rent storage to put it in because her tiny apartment won't hold all of it. She backed off and ended up only wanting to claim just a scant handful of items.

Now, I'm prepping for a garage sale.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 430 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as the kids: It has been very important to them that our new home has vestiges of the familiar. Now that I have moved virtually everything in, my son--who had been very apprehensive about the move--said recently, happily: "I love the new house! It has everything from home: the couch, the table, the TV..."
You may already be past this but I was going to suggest letting the kids play a very large role in picking out things for there rooms or the house. They can help paint their rooms, they get to create their own living space. It helps when the place they live was "created" and designed by them. I stayed in my house but I let the kids help me paint and always ask for their input when I do remodeling in the house. Sure I may ask them to choose between the 3 colors that I actually am okay with but they get to help with the decisions. Otherwise every room would be pink and decorated to look like the inside of a power ranger zord.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1884 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 yr has some great ideas.

Be VERY careful unplugging that the AD. I've heard that bad things can result from failing to fully unscrew the cable.

Strength. No matter the outcome of that issue, 4/1 is coming soon.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Otherwise every room would be pink and decorated to look like the inside of a power ranger zord


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7890 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch!!

Here is the latest email from STBX's attorney to mine:

"I've had a really, really "hard" talk with STBX about trial and what will happen should she continue on her current path.

So as of an hour ago, she is willing to pay the $3000 lump sum alimony and the $1753.41 that she removed from the joint bank account. Also, she is requesting an equitable division of the household goods. If Abbondad wants to keep more than his share of the household goods, he will have to reimburse her.

I understand that you are probably beyond frustrated at this point. However, I think we can still resolve this."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. . .I think we can still resolve this."

Nope, not going to happen. This could only happen if STBXW were of rational mind. She's not.

She has gotten by, in life, by using passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate situations to her satisfaction. This has worked for her and she is convinced it will work, again, if her favor.

Proceed to trial. Any further money spent on negotiations are ill spent.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS. Abbondad, you have the right to elect a trial. Use it.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think that this could also be a negotiating tactic by her L. Sometimes, they appear to be more on your side to infer that they are being reasonable and trying to talk some sense into their client. You believe they are on "your side" and totally frustrated by your STBX. Be very careful not to fall for this trick. If you can look at the offer and eliminate the content on which it was offered, try to do that. Wish you the best.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call her bluff. Tell her attorney it goes to trial. See her scramble and plead once she realizes it. Then maybe you'll be able to make a deal and cancel court.

Don't give on a thing, because you don't have to.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1341 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She knows what she is doing. This is getting close to trial and she "all of a sudden" wants to deal.

I say keep pushing to go to trial. I bet she tries to ask for another extension. Don't do it.


Posts: 5629 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can settle this right up to the time the judge hands down his decision. You can settle in the parking lot, the hallway, the elevator etc.....

The closer it gets, the more she squirms.....


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When her attorney sends over an agreement that WW has already signed THEN you can deal. Till then (as you've seen in the past) she'll not agree to anything you agree to first.

You've got this.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4999 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

True about settling at the last minute,, we settled the day before and I got some last minute things the morning of the D --- WS had to pay off the braces and keep the kids on his life ins til youngest is 21.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2033 | Registered: Jan 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can see it now....you give her the household goods she wants, and then doesn't pay the $$$ agreed upon. She is a taker. She takes, and takes and then comes back for more. Like I said go to court, in the long run it will be cheaper.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


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