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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
KatieKat
Member
Member # 16690
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ Yes! Hang in, Job... Soon she will be trapped in the web she spun.

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2007
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much "collecting" does it take to sign a flippin' piece of paper?

You seem to had just the right attitude, Abbondad. You have made huge progress here. Good luck closing the deal!


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1299 | Registered: Aug 2010
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The good news is that it sounds as if your stbxww's new L knows how to *handle* her. Maybe you can plow through all of this crap more quickly now....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8003 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi AD. I just dropped in to see how you have been doing.

YOU are doing GREAT.

Im sorry to see your ex is as crazy as ever.

Good luck today!


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7402 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Collect herself?

OMG! How appropriate considering how scattered she is.

It's going to take an army & a trip to Bumphuk to find all the pieces.

[This message edited by alphakitte at 6:35 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX signed! Most of it. But forgot to initial in a few places.

In other news: STBX called my therapist. (Left a message to call her.)

I called my therapist, who'd alerted me.

My therapist used to be our MC until the therapist called her out on her adultery. Then she discontinued therapy altogether.

Two possibilities, each ridiculous:

1) she wants the therapist to be her witness to testify how horrible I am. I spoke to my therapist who said she would refuse, but if court ordered, it would not go well for STBX, since she knows how crazy and NBPD she is.

2) Hoovering. She may ask her if she and I (or possibly she herself) can return to therapy. Therapist said she would refuse to treat her and refer her to someone else. She asked me if I would be interested in returning to MC. I laughed. (She had to ask, she said.)

My bet is on #1, just because STBX is so deluded.

Update: We have a fully-executed home-sale contract. Closing is April 24. Trial is still scheduled for April 1st. Her attorney is now pushing for me to sign the MSA with most of STBX's dictates in place.

She of "no money" has taken the kids for a vacation at a resort.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 1:59 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: We have a fully-executed home-sale contract. Closing is April 24. (Huge relief!!)

Trial is still scheduled for April 1st. Her attorney is now pushing for me to sign the MSA. Basically her extortion worked. She agreed to sign the contract and I agreed to accept $500 a month in CS. (She was pushing for $300.)

But I'm sure her bullying will continue and she will try to bully further into accepting all the other dictates in the MSA.

A big part of me I saying, "Just take it to trial already and go in with everything you've got. Otherwise this will never end."

PS: She of "no money" has taken the kids for a vacation at a resort.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PLEASE don't get bullied into any more concessions. This is the rest of your life and the welfare of the kids at stake.

Congrats on the sale of the house.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6539 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hooray for the fully executed contract!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25305 | Registered: Aug 2011
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad you got the house signed and done. YAY!

Don't give any more on what you need. You know regardless of any agreement, she's not going to pay you on time each month and you will be chasing her until the kids are at least 18. Would this be easier to do with a court order rather than just an agreement? I'd be asking your attorney about that.

Which is easier to deal with when she doesn't follow the rules? She seems like the kind that needs to be tied down as tight as possible to comply. You want to think about the future drama she could inject into your life and do as much as possible to minimize it.

I have to say that she makes me embarrassed that she's a woman. I was not part of the group that picked her for the team. I'd gladly help with court costs in exchange for getting a seat at the trial.

eta-I'd love for her to court order the therapist.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 10:03 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1757 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS: She of "no money" has taken the kids for a vacation at a resort

WTF? REally? I mean come on you already live in FL. You can't be more than a4 hour drive to a beach. It's not possible. But yet she feels the need to take them to a resort vacation, that she can't pay for......

Sorry getting angry for you.

I have to say, I would really think long an hard before signing that MSA. She has F'd with your life for so long already what's another 2 weeks gonna do? I think it will really help you in the future to have the courts put her in her place.

What does your Attorney recommend?

I say let her stew, and tell her attorney that you need to think on it.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8489 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j

Tush, remember that the POSER lives at the yacht club. I think they're already on the beach.

t/j

Yay! Don't give her what you are not willing to accept. $500/month? Meh, don't like it, but...

Anyway, April 1st is coming. The judge may not be as merciful on her. Still can't get over the fact that she thinks she can just quit/get fired to not pay support.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2823 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's easy for me to say because it's not my $ but I agree with the comment -what's 2 more weeks at this point. She will get straightened out in a courtroom. At least on paper.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1757 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say, I would really think long an hard before signing that MSA. She has F'd with your life for so long already what's another 2 weeks gonna do? I think it will really help you in the future to have the courts put her in her place.

What does your Attorney say?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's easy for me to say because it's not my $ but I agree with the comment -what's 2 more weeks at this point. She will get straightened out in a courtroom. At least on paper.

Yes, this is where my head is at right now. I am meeting with my attorney this week and will ask her: "Given everything you know and have experienced in my case thus far, Should we just take it to trial?"


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I knew now back then- I would have gone to trial for my divorce. It would have given the judge a better look into XH's behaviors/mindset sooner. My XH walked away from signing an addendum to our MSA regarding CS that we spent hours negotiating (the day before the trial) we had an agreement until he refused to sign! His lawyer thought we had an agreement. He cancelled the trial! I learned after that -negotiate in good faith, but keep the trial on the calendar UNTIL he signs!

AD, I view your WW as the female version of my XH. I'm sending you strength.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5067 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah she hasn't been truthful about anything. So I tend to agree with everyone else that 2 more weeks to officially have something from her in writing after all of this is nothing. And I agree that the WS who is like this does not want the whole world to "really" know what they are like so the chances she really wants this to go to trial are small to none.

I am not you and not your sitch but boy would I want to call her bluff and just take it to trial.


Posts: 5642 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone. I am meeting with my attorney Thursday.

If we go to trial, I am done financially. I will have literally zero money and will have to live paycheck-to-paycheck for a long time. So I am struggling to put that into perspective and weigh it against the bigger picture.

But as has been the case throughout this ordeal, my hand is being forced. I may simply be left with no choice but to follow this through to the end and hopefully look back with no regrets--that I never gave up, never gave in, and did everything I could for myself and my children.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know you can't count on her to follow through on anything concerning you and finances (kids, too). Why do you think THIS time things will be different? You keep whittling down what you are getting out of this. Stop appeasing her, because she will always want MORE. Court. In the long run, it will cost you less.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2964 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX's attorney remitted the MSA with STBX's changes. Some are acceptable, others are not--but nothing so terrible. Nothing worth going to trial over--yet.

What really pisses me off is that she wants the big screen tv.

1) we already agreed I would take it
2) she has a big screen TV--as well as another HDTV I told her she could take (and of course everything the children need in POS's expensive yacht club apartment)
3) I'm sure she wants to sell it and pocket the profit.
4) she doesn't give a fuck how important it is that everything in their new home resembles everything in their childhood home, down to every detail. This is a matter of power, control, and profit--pure and simple. Makes me sick.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 12:10 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you trying to re-create the old home in the new home?

Is it on the advice of the kids' therapist?

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6539 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
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