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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm surprised you didn't realize this before listing the house

One of our conversations around a year ago when we were in false reconciliation and talking about our future:

Me: "If we are going to move, we really need to replace the roof."

Her: "No."

Me: "But it would affect the sale."

Her (snottily and dictatorially): "I said, no."

I'm quite sure she does not recall this exchange either and assigns blame on me for causing Hurricane Wilma.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry been out working so just got back to this. Get your own independent estimate done as well. If you can. Don't panic, it would have had to be done so if you can stay calm just get at least 2 or 3 estimates and go from there. is it a tile roof or shingle? Big difference in cost.

As far as another realtor, do you have a copy of the listing agreement? It should be listed for a certain time period so I would think since you just listed it all should be good for a few months. Your wife can't willy nilly do things just cause she wants to. I think you need to be the power of strength right now in this transaction and don't let her bully you.

Was the roof the only thing noted in the inspection?


Posts: 5697 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Realitybites.

We have two different roofers coming for an estimate. It is a tile roof. A few years ago I got an estimate so,I know what a hit we would have to take on the selling price--assuming the buyers hang in there.

I want this house sold. I do not care at all if I net zero profits. If the deal falls through I will stick with the realtor through the duration of our listing contract with her. But after that I will no longer pay our mortgage. (I've been paying our mortgage all this time and now a rental on top of it.)

If STBX wants to take over the mortgage payments (which she won't) fine. But if not we will default and go into foreclosure.

I want to tell STBX this--that if she does not sign for this current deal, with the price so drastically reduced that she will net nothing, i will stop making payments--but right now she is in such a fury at me that this could ramp up her crazy even more and she will not sign out of spite.

Sigh.

BTW: She is still unemployed. I did a basic Google search for local jobs for which she is eminently qualified, and there are many many jobs. Her inaction is transparent--she does not want to pay the CS based on her last three years of employment.

Her dream--as she expressed at both mediations--is for me to pay her CS and alimony. And boy, was she angry when she was firmly informed that that's not reality.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a new trial set for April 1 and 2.

But damn: they require we attempt ANOTHER mediation.

All I want is the very reasonable MSA we agreed to at our last mediation (and which she ultimately refused to sign after mysteriously, coincidentally losing her job).

I guess if we must, then I will instruct my attorney to give them ten minutes to sign. If not, we are done.

Update: email from attorney. No mediation. We already fulfilled it. Sign or we go to trial.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 2:39 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please remember that she doesn't hold all the power. Her "NO" isn't the final word anymore. You can be just as pigheaded and she can't do anything about it. Pick your battles, but don't defer to her regal dictates. YOU HAVE A SAY! Don't loose sight of that ever again.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3002 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was the roof the only thing noted in the inspection?

No. They tore the house apart--plumbing, AC installation....

But the buyers seem concerned only with the roof.

They seem to still want the house--at a drastically and in my opinion unreasonably reduced price.

But even if I do accept the low offer, I would still have to do roof repairs ($3-5000) for leaks, or they will not be able to get homeowners insurance. And I am not shelling out any more cash; STBX needs to pony up this dough. And she refuses.

So I don't know what will be. I still may ultimately have to go into foreclosure.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her dream--as she expressed at both mediations--is for me to pay her CS and alimony.
I will never understand this mindset. I find it "mind-numbingly stupifying" that someone would not work just to not pay child support. I mean why make yourself desitute just to prove a point. Especially someone like your wife that actually has decent earning power. If you physically can't work or legitimately can't find employement that's different.

Meh, just a pet peeve of mine I guess. I would never consider not working just so I didn't have to pay child support.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 10:04 AM, March 7th (Friday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1922 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
KatieKat
Member
Member # 16690
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't usually comment; you've been doing great! But why not just get the sale over with and not turn it into a battle with your soon to be ex over a few grand?

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2007
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I don't understand the "reduced price" scenario? Maybe RE is different in FL, but in VA when you have an accepted contract offer and the home inspection is done, the options are the buyers walk away or they negotiate with the sellers for repairs, replacements of the needed systems, or credits at closing - not a new, lower offer. The original offer in the accepted contract should still stand. Otherwise, that would mean you'd have to draw up a new contract with the buyers at the reduced price plus do the new roof as well. If that's the case, you might as well walk if you're going to be underwater on the sale. HOWEVER, if the reduced price plus the new roof means the house will be GONE - with no money brought to the closing table, then I'd go for it. It cuts the last tie with your STBX. No, it's not fair if she doesn't pony up the cash, but neither is anything else that has occurred during this whole long, awful process. Isn't bringing all of this to an meshugas to an end worth it? Zol zein.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 407 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd go for it. It cuts the last tie with your STBX. No, it's not fair if she doesn't pony up the cash, but neither is anything else that has occurred during this whole long, awful process. Isn't bringing all of this to an meshugas to an end worth it?

But why not just get the sale over with and not turn it into a battle with your soon to be ex over a few grand?

You're right, you're right. I've got to keep my eye focused squarely on that. Thank you for nudging me back in the right direction. This is so overwhelming--everything coming at me from every direction--that I lost my logic for a moment.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 2:42 PM, March 7th (Friday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The house being sold was "ordered" by the courts. If fixing the roof is a "must" in order to sell the house, I don't see how she can just refuse.

You pay and get it done. Then have her half of the bill added to the agreement. Or, have her half of the monies from the house lowered by the amount. ie. She wants her part of the proceeds, she had to pony up half the money to make it happen. It's a household repair. She can't "choose" not to, then STILL get her half of the sale.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5573 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If fixing the roof is a "must" in order to sell the house, I don't see how she can just refuse.

She can refuse the same way other jackasses refuse to pay their SS or CS. Then the way you deal with that is taking them back to court for contempt, a very long process.

I agree to do what you need to do to get the house sold then tack on her share for settlement or court. Settlement or court is where I would make my stand on forcing her to do the right thing.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2330 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

STBX is insisting on putting a new roof on and then selling at a higher price.

Except.... I will not keep paying the mortgage in full any longer.

And neither she nor I have the money it would take to install a new roof.

And she refuses to pay for the roof or any repairs.

And she refuses to pay me any profits out of the sale.

And she refuses to pay me anything she owes.

And her attorney has placed a lien on her assets, so they would get her profits--not me.

I told her no--I am not signing in for a new roof and extending the sale for who knows how long.

What I did not tell her: I will pay the mortgage in full until the end of our listing contract with the agent; I will pay for repairs so the house is sellable. Then that's it. If it's not sold by then, I stop paying the mortgage and we default and go into foreclosure.

I will (hopefully) get any money only when a judge rules at the trial.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

So we have two offers for our house sale. Met with STBX and our realtor. As predicted, STBX is refusing to sign anything until she "talks to her attorney so everything will be resolved."

What this means is that she will hold up our home sale unless I agree to all her demands in the MSA. And I simply won't. I am still willing to negotiate a bit here and there, but this is what she wants:

No alimony. None.

No reimbursement for everything I've paid out over the last few months (children's insurance, CS, college fund, mortgage, children's meds and doctors appointments...)

As much time as she needs to find the job of her choice.

CS based not on her earning capacity and history but on whatever job she decides to take.

She put on quite a show for the realtor, who--like the three mediators and her own attorney--just stared at her in disbelief as she angrily mentioned that she is in debt, about to go into bankruptcy...

And whenever I mildly stated that I want to sell ASAP since I am paying the mortgage on top of my rental? She went into a barely controlled narcissistic rage. Her face twisted in scorn and fury, like a dethroned dictator. It was half frightening and half pitiful.

I saw the realtor after: STBX had called her after the meeting and told her that she doesn't want to stall a deal, but that STBX "carried our mortgage for a whole year" and I am complaining about a few months' payment.

A lie. We both paid for our home as well as her love nest for a year.

I guess the trial will proceed, as she is clearly out of her mind with irrational rage and will not listen to her (new, third) attorney even if she tries to talk sense into her.

Wish me patience... It will end one way or another April 1st.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, it will end... someday. :)

It is so mind boggling isn't it? who they become?

I hope your house sells and she stops mucking it up. My divorce was final last year, but our house is STILL not sold. Its the final piece linking us together outside of the children. I am SOOO ready for that part to be final.

April is my deadline too. I hope the current crazy calms down for you AD.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3628 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX is asking for yet another continuance of trial--without even offering a counterpropsal of the MSA, which she has had for months.

My attorney said "Nope." I concurred.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1674 | Registered: Dec 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending continued strength, AD. With this one, you're going to need every bit of it you can muster.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26075 | Registered: Aug 2011
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because I don't know how it works, what does your lawyer say about you stopping payments and letting it go into forclosure? Is there a big downside for you in front of the courts if you do this?

I'm sorry she's being so difficult, for lack of a better word. She needs to be committed.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5573 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It takes a looong time to foreclose on a house. Here in IL, the quickest is 6 months, but it can draw out longer. We're doing a voluntary Mortgage Release(giving the house back to the bank) and already it's taken four months.

Check the laws in your state, but odds are good you can request a Form 710:Uniform Borrower Assistance Form from your bank. It's the Freddie Mac form you have to fill out to start the process for a short sale, mortgage release, or payment renegotiation. But of course, if your house is jointly owned, it doesn't solve the CSTBXWW problem.

Hopefully this will all be resolved in April, so one more payment at the most. Good luck!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1945 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad's,
Not sure if you saw my last post to you. Any way you can say you will forgive what she owes you if she signs? Not what she owes you in the future, but up to date?


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Mar 2013
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