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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Around a year and a half ago, I sobbingly pleaded with her to stop her adultery. The memory is burned into my soul:

"Please stop hurting me. You will bring about calamity if you continue. Come back to your family. Please, you have everything. You will end up with nothing."

She stared at me with cold dead eyes.

So you have learned how to curse people. Can you give me a lesson on this??

All of this just warmed my heart and trust me I need it up here in the frozen north. This just proves that if you give them enough rope, they hang themselves with it.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear you're covered on the legal side.

Now, crack a beer, pop some corn and get ready for the show.It truly sounds like the implosion has begun. How much longer do you think the poser will be around? CSTBXWW is a broke middle-aged woman with two special needs children( absolutely nothing against the kids brother) in the middle of a contentious divorce with nothing but more bills coming.. I really don't believe he will be around too much longer.

interesting times ahead.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This could be EPIC AD. I am going to pick up some extra whiskey and coke to go with my popcorn.
PS She's going to come hoovering soon


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh sweet Bejayzus, I hear the K-Bus revving up just around the corner.

Better Call Saul... <<<Breaking Bad ref>>>

I'm cracking open a bottle of cabernet to go with the popcorn.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17172 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know if the lien takes all her proceeds?

I assume it would. She would be netting only around 14k from the proceeds. I have asked my attorney if she (my attorney) would attend the closing with me.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is going to flip her lid when she realizes that. Just be prepared. Your attorney at the closing is a good idea.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 766 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good call with the attorney at your closing.

You need a buffer between you and the crazy.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6456 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No need for my attorney at closing, as it's all likely going to be done electronically. No face-to-face meeting.

Big "Whew."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even better! How long until closing? And when do you move into your new place?


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 766 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

your new place

After you move into your new place is a great time to start reinforcing some new boundaries.

STXWW used to love to push her way into your (formerly shared) home. That should no longer be the case.
Her butt gets to meet the kids on the doorstep or at the end of the walkway. Don't let crazy into your sanctuary!


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch. Home inspector declared our roof "unsound." Scared the buyers. Our realtor is panicking. I'm trying not to. We are bringing in three separate roofers to inspect.

All part of the process, all will be well, all will be well....


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being a realtor just relax. If the roof needs to be repaired or replaced then you were going to have to do it anyway. Whether it is this buyer or the next one that comes along.

So take the business end of this and when the estimates come back look at them logically and see what it is that needs to be done. If it is a new roof then you and your WS will have to split the cost of it from the proceeds. If this buyer walks, then look into doing the roof yourself, it could net you closer or right on to what you want if you can tell buyers you just put a new roof on your home.


Posts: 5613 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your quick response, Realitybites. That makes me feel better.

I am not surprised: it's an original roof, almost thirty years old. Most of the homes in the neighborhood got new roofs after Hurricane Wilma down here in Florida. Unfortunately we did not.

Our realtor and theirs are panicking more than I am. I have become resigned to this whole process. I just want the house to sell and the divorce to be over. I don't care about money. I have a great secure job and always will. I've been having a great, exciting time moving into my new rental with the kids.

This too shall pass.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is my latest fear (and prediction): STBX is so frantic about her financial situation she will want to fire our realtor (or not "renew" or whatever after our contract to list with her is expired) and sell the house ourselves. Or rent it.

What this would mean is I continue to go broke paying rent and carrying the mortgage; and of course she would screw up any deal that would come along, and... Well, I guess I'm being paranoid and getting ahead of myself, huh? One day at a time.

I always have to keep in mind the worst case scenario: in this case one of which would be I refuse to make any more mortgage payments and we go into foreclosure.

Realitybites, if you are reading this, any thoughts?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As someone that has bought a few homes....if this report came back to me and the buyers inturn got quotes from a few places and offered to pay for the repairs, i would be cool with still buying the house.

I fear that we will have to replace our old air handler and heat pump in order to sell our house - its 14 years old. We don't really have the money, but then....if it gets the house sold then it would be worth it to take a loan out for it and then pay off the loan after the home sells.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As someone who's going through your worst fear, foreclosure, let me say that it's not all that bad. Since we're underwater in our house, we didn't even try to sell. We just stopped making payments, talked to the bank, and signed the house over to them. Sounds a LOT worse than it really is.

That being said, odds are the buyers will probably want you to repair the roof or give them a credit for it. Either way, you avoid foreclosure.

(Too bad for CSTBXWW if it cuts into her profits. )


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1554 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've bought and sold many houses and I would be fine with a quote and a credit. I don't recall all of the financial details of your situation, but, she owes you money right? My Aunt was in a similar situation although they had no kids and were older. Afer my POS Uncle left her for his ho-worker she chose to have him sign over the house and forego alimony. She did this because he would probably retire in a few years and she could see a lifetime of him trying to reduce and get out of alimony. She said, sign over the house and you'll never hear from me again. That also allowed her to have total control over what she did with the house. I know your STBXW is a whackadoodle, and you have kids, but if this falls through is there any chance you could tell her you'll forgive any money owed (up to now) if she signs over the house? Probably a long shot, but thought I'd throw it out there...


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 261 | Registered: Mar 2013
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, regardless of Hurricane Wilma or not, a 30 year old roof is at the end of its' life span and would ordinarily need replacement (unless you have a 50 year one or a metal one). I'm surprised you didn't realize this before listing the house, or that your realtor didn't point this out (of course, I understand that YOU have a lot of other things to think about - I didn't mean that you were clueless). At any rate, I have bought several houses that needed a new roof. The sellers either gave me a credit at closing for part or all of the cost, paid for the new roof before the closing, or I adjusted the price offered based on the inspection to take the new roof into account. All of the deals still went through. Please don't let your STBX's financial morass derail this deal - and for the love of G-d, do NOT rent your house out. It will be a hassle and a bone of contention between the two of you for the forseeable future - and YOU will do all the work as well as assume all of the crap that goes along with being a landlord. BTDT.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 363 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What WW said.

Give the buyers the cost of the new roof.

Please don't let this derail the sale.


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6456 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The buyers first said they are backing out of the deal. But now they are returning tomorrow with their roofer. We may be able to salvage the deal if we drop the price significantly to reflect the cost of a new roof.

I am totally willing, but who knows with Psycho-girl. If she refuses, thinking that she would lose profit which would be taken anyway? Since there is a lien on her assets? Then she really would be nuts. Oh, right. Never mind.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
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