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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

accusing, irrelevantly, me of taking the kids to school late. And: she had taken them late. I never have.

Document this! If you feel she will try to use it against you, contact the school and cross reference your dates of visitation with the dates the kids were tardy. The school WILL have a record.

You don't need to take her bait and get pulled back into her drama. NC is best when she baits you like this.
I had to do this with XH. Good luck.
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:29 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX is trying to blackmail me using the house sale as "hostage."

She is refusing to accept an offer unless I agree to all her demands in the MSA. I have emailed my attorney and hope something can be done.

I am sick with anxiety and distress.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I predicted, STBX has cost us the sale of our home through vindictiveness and greed: the buyer rescinded their offer. I hope my attorney can do something, and fast.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh brother! AD, what a mess she is causing. I know it's not a comfort now, but the judge is going to go really apeshit when they hear that. She's holding out just to screw you over. She's lost her damn mind!


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep breaths Abbondad. Deep breaths. BetrayedFriend is right. Any judge is going to see this for what it is, blackmail.

I'm not sure what the real estate market is like by you, but I would take this offer as a sign that there will be others interested in your house as well.

Your court date can't come soon enough.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1657 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was over a year into the shitstorm the day to day stuff used to get to me. Then I changed my thinking. If I made it through almost 2 years of stbxww's stupidity then I can make it another month, 6 months, or year if need be to be done. I no longer see just the light at the end of the tunnel. I know see a big ass EXIT sign and it's full speed ahead. My thoughts became this time next year I will be free. Next spring I will be free. By Christmas I will be free. no matter what stbxw said or did it didn't matter because at some point I would be free from her stupidity forever. Yes I still have to deal with her because of the kids but that's cake compared to having to live with her and deal with her on a daily basis.

Change your mindset AD. You are almost done don't let her last minute bullshit deter you. Your almost done, keep powering through this shit like you have and focus on being free. Your past is now your strength as you head towards the future. If you made it through 1.5 years of WW's stupidity then you can make it through these last few months. Start to imagine and think about what your life will be like without her 6 months or a year from now. It's how I made it through the last few months.

Instead of focusing on her messing up the house sale. Focus on the fact that the house WILL sell eventually so a few months from now you will have cut all ties with her and be free. You are so close to being done. Let the fact that you made it through EVERYTHING she threw at you drive you on to get through this last little bit.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:15 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, 7yrs. I have indeed been trying to look at the big picture and not suffer in the moment. These are her final desperate throes to maintain control and not let go. I see it for what it is. I am getting through this.

(And thanks to everyone as usual.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, 7yrs. I have indeed been trying to look at the big picture and not suffer in the moment. These are her final desperate throes to maintain control and not let go. I see it for what it is. I am getting through this
.

This is great. Doesn't make it less painful but it's empowering to know what is really going on.

Hope your attorney can put a stop to this. When is the trial again?


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1536 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Though I know it's not the right answer:

"Oh I'd be happy to for a price..."

Is there any way to get out of your rental? Is there any way to force her to take out a loan to pay support??


Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD this happened to a friend of mine. Her STBXH wouldn't sign unless she signed HIS MSA agreement. She was only talking to him via text and email, so she was able to document.

I hope you have it documented somewhere.

When they went to court, the judge made the STBXH reimburse my friend the expenses she incurred because of his extortion. It was considerable money since she lost the house (and deposit) on the house she planned on buying.

This may come back to bite her on the arse. Stay strong.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, have your lawyer get an expedited hearing. This is over and above harassment. It will loom large over her.

When they went to court, the judge made the STBXH reimburse my friend the expenses she incurred because of his extortion. It was considerable money since she lost the house (and deposit) on the house she planned on buying.

^^^^^This^^^^

She AGREED to the sale!!! Her blackmail cost you the sale. Either she signs YOUR MSA today, or it's back to court.

DON'T put that in writing btw.

JK, there is no or. She has repeated demonstrated her inability to negotiate a settlement. You need to get in front of a judge ASAP.

Crazymaking, not?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CSTBX's attorney has filed a Motion to Withdraw!!

My attorney sent me the email with this one line bit of news.

Thanks, attorney, you now have me in a panic. Why? (Well, I can figure out why: she is crazy and/or probably has refused to pay him.)

Is this bad or good? What does it mean for us?

Thoughts? Advice?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aside from wondering what kind of impact this has on your trial, honestly I feel like I want to laugh at her.

What is this like the 3rd lawyer she's had?

I think it would rock if you were able to go to trial while she had no representation.

Maybe this is all the bravado with the house, etc? She knew she'd be losing her lawyer and wanted to try to force you to agree before he quit.

It would've been nice if your L could've given you an idea of what this meant for your trial.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1536 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CSTBX's attorney has filed a Motion to Withdraw!!
Looks like more and more people are starting to see just how batshit crazy she is....


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6369 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this bad or good? What does it mean for us?

Logistically, it is bad because it means more delays for you. She'll be granted *extra* time to find a new L and then that L will have to get *up to speed* on the case....and who the hell knows what shenanigans he'll try to pull (or not).

You basically get to start over.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7942 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When is your trial date?

She can get a new attorney at the last minute. New attorney can ask for time to get up to speed (it will be granted). Depending on new attorney-things can start all over or start from where old attorney left off.

My feeling is her attorneys withdrawing for lack of payment. Hard to pay bills when your not working. Hopefully, she finds the funds and re-signs her attorney in time to make the trial.

Deep Breaths dad.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My attorney will pursue on Monday a new trial date and Temporary Relief hearing ASAP.

Heading over to STBX's now with the written house contract. She claims she will sign it. We will see.

But last night she emailed our realtor that she is forwarding the contract to her attorney to review it.

Does she even realize that he has filed a Motion to Withdraw???

(This is her second attorney.)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:25 AM, March 1st (Saturday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe she means send it to her new lawyer? Maybe 2nd lawyer is withdrawing because she's firing them, because hey, they aren't getting her what she wants?

You don't know what is happening on her end. Try not to drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. You have told her what you want in the agreement, you know it is fair. You stay the course. She's not playing nice, and any new lawyer will see shortly that she is thumbing her nose at what has been agreed, and what the courts have told her to do.

I know this all sucks, but she's just digging herself deeper.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5429 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regardless of the attorney situation, I hope she signs the house contract. good luck


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8439 | Registered: Apr 2008
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX signed the contract.

(One step closer....)

We had agreed we would file our taxes jointly. But when I asked her for her tax documents so I can give them to our CPA she hesitated and then said haughtily and coldly (her best NPD rage mask on), "I will confer with my attorney" and stalked off.

I know I will find out soon enough and shouldn't drive myself crazy thinking about it but I can't help but wonder: Does she not know her attorney has filed a Request to Withdraw?

I wouldn't be surprised...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
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